Lies for Love
by PerfectPride
Summary: Thirteen can't remain faithful to Cuddy and risks losing everything that matters to her. Femslash. Cameron/Thirteen and Cuddy/Thirteen pairings.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Lies for love**

**Pairing: Thirteen/Cuddy, Thirteen/Cameron**

**Author: PerfectPride**

**Spoilers: Pretty much zilch. This is set at the beginning of Season 5 but contains nothing that has been in House aside from the new team.**

**Disclaimer: I own... nada.**

**Summary: Thirteen can't remain faithful and risks losing everything that matters to her.**

**A/N: I don't know what possessed me to write this, as to be honest, I'm not really keen on Thirteen/Cameron. Oh and there isn't anything about Huntington's in this fic... there are so many out there and I wanted to write something different. But it's a multi-chap fic and the idea wouldn't leave me alone... so here goes nothing. **

**Italics are flashbacks.**

* * *

"This has to stop," Thirteen stated firmly, unable to hold her silence any longer and pulling away from her lover. She just... she couldn't do _this_ anymore. She'd thought it was a bad idea from the start but somehow now; it looked even worse. Felt even worse. Ever since...

"What has?" Cameron trailed a finger along Thirteen's clavicle, blue eyes innocently gazing up at her. Blue eyes that no matter how much Thirteen admired, or thought were pretty, gorgeous, weren't the eyes she really wanted or the eyes she thought were beautiful.

Thirteen looked down, forcing herself to focus on Cameron before saying resolutely, "Us."

* * *

_She was trying to be quiet, not wanting to wake her girlfriend up. It was gone three in the morning and she'd promised to be back before midnight but being the selfish person that she was, she'd ignored the ticking clock and put her pledge to the back of her mind. She'd spent the past few hours grinding against Cameron between the expensive hotel sheets, the hotel being the only place they'd ever had sex ever since that first risky time in Thirteen's apartment. She'd regretted taking Cameron there the moment she woke up in the morning, knowing that she had sex with her girlfriend in her bed._

_From then on, she'd never fucked in her apartment. Not with Cameron; not with... not with..._

_She shut the front door quietly. Hopefully Thirteen would be able to sneak into the bedroom and crawl into bed without any confrontation taking place. Her head was fuzzy, her world spinning, and it was with great difficulty that she tugged off her knee length black leather boots. The sound of the zip coming undone and the creaking as she pushed them to the corner were the only noise breaking the silence._

_Standing back up, she padded into the bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind her. She allowed her jeans to drop to the floor, and discarding her black vest so that she now just wore a strapless bra and panties, she shivered slightly. Tiptoeing to the bed, she easily slid underneath the duvet and sheets watching for signs of movement from the figure next to her. She waited a few seconds, and then confident that she'd gotten away with being far too late she sighed, her eyes fluttering shut, face falling into the pillow; exhausted._

"_Rems?" Her eyes flew open as the silence was broken by a questioning tone._

_Apprehensive about what was going to happen but knowing that there was no escape, she replied, "Hi."_

_Some shuffling. "Where've you been?"_

"_Got held up. Sorry, House had us brainstorming way longer than I thought he would," she lied, praying she wouldn't be found out in the morning._

"_S'ok. I just wish you'd called," An arm snaked around Thirteen's waist, the heat emanating from it contrasting with the coolness of her own skin. "God; you're freezing."_

"_Yeah," Thirteen agreed, slightly more relaxed now she was almost positive this wasn't going to turn into an argument._

"_Come here."_

_Thirteen stiffened as the arm pulled her further over to the left side of the bed so that her back was now pressed against soft, warm breasts, making her feel even more guilty at the concern for her that she didn't deserve._

_Guilt that only served to increase when she heard the words that she'd not heard in the entire three months they'd been dating. "I love you, Remy."_

_She swallowed, numbly staring into the darkness in front of her, as she replied, "I love you too, Lisa."_

* * *

Thirteen immediately sensed the change in the atmosphere.

"What do you mean? Are you breaking up with me?" The blonde demanded.

Thirteen sighed, aware that this was going to be difficult. "We were never together in the first place, Cameron. I have a girlfriend; you know that. I can't do this to her anymore, she means too much to me. If she found out... well it doesn't bear thinking about."

"Didn't stop you from fucking me though, did it?" Cameron shot at her.

"I'm sorry," Thirteen apologised, sincerely meaning her words. "I shouldn't be doing this. But it's just... just sex. Nothing more."

"So what, I'm supposed to just accept your decision? I don't get a say in this?" Cameron rose up so that she was now the one looking down.

"There's nothing to have a say about. I don't want this; not anymore. I've hated what I'm doing from the very beginning."

"Really? 'Cuz your body language tells a different story. At least, it was five minutes ago when you were arched against me, begging me to go harder," Cameron hissed.

Thirteen pulled herself up, began picking up her clothes from the floor to dress. "I don't know what you want me to say. I'm sorry, but this isn't going to happen again."

Cameron seemed to accept Thirteen's words, if only for the few minutes it took Thirteen to get dressed and locate her car keys. A pause. And then, "Why?"

"Why what?" Thirteen sighed.

"Why have you been sleeping with me, if _she_ means so much to you?" Cameron was evidently not going to let this drop, making it hard for Thirteen.

Thirteen had no answer.

* * *

"_Morning baby."_

_Thirteen blinked at the sunlight as she tried to open her eyes, feeling a gentle kiss pressed against her cheek. She felt her heart flutter at the simple human contact, and she smiled involuntarily, placing a hand on the back of Cuddy's head and pressing their noses together, nuzzling her gently._

_Cuddy smiled. "What are you doing?"_

"_Eskimo kiss," Thirteen replied huskily, her voice lower than normal as she'd just woken up. "Didn't think you'd appreciate morning breath."_

_Cuddy laughed. "How thoughtful of you. And in a weird way... kind of cute."_

"_Does my cuteness mean that we don't have to go to work today?" Thirteen tried._

"_No!" Cuddy exclaimed, ever the boss. "Now get up or you'll be late."_

"_Oooh, that means I get reprimanded in your office right? Are you going to make me bend over your lap so you can spank me?" Thirteen teased, eyes open. They always travelled to work separately, their relationship still under wraps. The only person that knew was Cameron; and even she'd found out by mistake. It was the third or fourth time they'd fucked and without thinking, without even realising until Cameron had pointed it out, Thirteen had called out Cuddy's name during sex. Needless to say, it didn't take a genius for Cameron to work out who "Lisa" was. Now that she looked back with hindsight, Thirteen supposed she could have pretended to have just been fantasizing about the boss, but it was too late for what ifs; the secret had been revealed._

_Cuddy rolled her eyes. "I've told you; no office sex. Get up," She commanded._

"_Yes, Mistress," Thirteen winked, putting Cameron out of her mind. She couldn't bear to think about her at the moment, knowing that something had to change. Cuddy's admission of love last night transformed everything; including Thirteen's furtive rendezvous' with Cameron. She didn't want to lie to Cuddy anymore; she wanted to make a go of their relationship. This was her one chance to be happy with Cuddy and in order for that to happen; Cameron had to be taken out of the equation._

* * *

"She told me she loved me," Thirteen confessed, a small part of her truly wanting Cameron to understand.

Cameron frowned. "Cuddy? And you said...?" She was calmer now.

Thirteen sat on the edge of the bed. "I told her I loved her too. I thought I'd be too scared to say it, but it felt so natural... and I meant it. That's why this can't happen anymore. I love her, Cameron. I really really love her. If I lost her because of this; I don't know what I'd do."

Cameron nodded, remaining silent. Thirteen guessed she was processing her thoughts. Sooner than expected she asked, "Before you... what, you didn't love her?"

"I didn't not love her," Thirteen shrugged her shoulders. "I just didn't realise that I did love her."

**

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Hope you likey. :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews. :) Here is the next part, so feel free to review or concrit. **

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Being in work the next day was tiring to say the least. Eventually Thirteen had managed to placate Cameron enough to leave, but it was still gone two in the morning when she'd reached her own apartment. She hadn't been able to face sneaking into Cuddy's home at such a late hour for the second night in a row, and honestly; she didn't want to risk waking Cuddy up once again. Ending what happened with Cameron was her first step towards sorting out her life and making sure that Cuddy didn't get hurt.

She'd been telling the truth when she told Cameron that Cuddy's admission of love for her was what changed everything. However, what she'd failed to say, or rather; chosen not to, was the fact that never before had anyone she'd been in a relationship with told her they loved her. That was probably because she usually didn't stick around long enough to let them and when she did; she'd always been caught cheating. If Cuddy were to find out that she'd been unfaithful there was no way she'd stand for it. If she found out she'd been unfaithful with Cameron... the consequences didn't bear thinking about.

Forcing herself not to think for the moment, Thirteen wrapped herself up in her duvet and attempted to get a few hours sleep before she had to go to work. The more rest she got; the better she would feel in the morning.

* * *

Walking through the car park the next day, Thirteen couldn't help yawning. Despite her best efforts she hadn't been able to sleep properly last night, and hadn't been able to stop thinking about what she'd done. Even though she'd now finished the affair, she felt guilty for all the times she had gone to Cameron; most of the time for absolutely no reason. In some ways that made it worse, as there was nothing she could say about Cuddy that made her want to be with someone else. She just felt she had to be, and that alone made her feel revulsion at her behaviour.

"Thirteen!" She heard a call from behind her, and immediately she knew who it was. "Wait up!"

Cameron. Thirteen sighed, stopping and turning on the spot. It was better to get this over and done with now rather than having to deal with being followed around like a lost puppy for the entire day, and therefore having to answer questions from House. "What do you want?" she asked, her tone bored, not wanting to have another fight.

"I just wanted to know if you'd changed your mind?" Cameron smiled charmingly, looking up at Thirteen with a hopeful expression on her face.

"No," Thirteen replied adamantly. "And I'm not going to. Please, just leave me alone."

Cameron's mouth opened, and she quickly began to look angry. "You can't just use me; it's not right. And you're not being fair on Cuddy. How do you think she'd feel if she knew?"

"You're right, what I've done to you isn't right. I'm sorry for that, but I'm not giving up my girlfriend for you," Thirteen retaliated. "If you care so much about this ending then you're obviously not happy with Chase. I suggest that you talk to him about that, but do not _fuck_ with my relationship. I'm happy, and I want to be with Lisa."

"What, you think I'd tell her?" Cameron exclaimed incredulously. "I'm not a heartless bitch like you, I could never hurt someone like that."

Thirteen laughed bitterly. "You are joking right?" She moved towards Cameron, fire blazing in her eyes. "First of all; you're hardly Miss Innocent. You're supposed to be with Chase. And the only reason you wouldn't tell Lisa is the fact that you know she'd tell him. Oh, and you're probably worried about your job as well," She added maliciously, not finding it within her to be nice after Cameron's words, even if there was some truth to them.

Cameron remained silent, returning Thirteen's furious gaze with one of her own. "The reason I don't want _my_ girlfriend to find out is because I don't want her hurt. She'd be devastated, and knowing her selfless nature, blame herself."

"If I'm unhappy with Chase, then why would I care about _Lisa_," Cameron placed emphasis on Cuddy's name. "Finding out? And with regards to my job; it's not like she can sack me. For God's sake, no one even knows that you're together!"

"To protect her job," Thirteen retorted. "We can only go to the Board if it's serious. Honestly, I'd be happy for the whole world to know she was my girlfriend. She's beautiful."

"And I'm not?" Cameron actually began to look slightly hurt, her true personality shining through. She'd not been herself the past couple of weeks. When Thirteen had started seeing her she had been sweet, kind. Even the sex had been; to a certain extent. But it seemed that the more reluctance Thirteen showed about being with her the more Cameron clung on, and ultimately became a whiny annoyance, for want of a better phrase.

"Not like her," Thirteen whispered, not wanting to lie. "But everyone says that you don't like people hurting, that you're a caring person. Think of all the hurt you'd be causing if you told her about us."

Cameron paused, shutting her eyes and rubbing her forehead. "I'm not going to say anything, Thirteen. I just... I care about _you,_ ok? And you being like this, treating me in this way makes me feel used. Like I mean nothing to you."

"I don't have feelings for you," Thirteen said firmly, but not nastily. "And I didn't want you to feel used, that's the last thing I wanted. But can you understand my position? If you were in love with someone, wouldn't you do anything to protect them?"

"That's exactly what I don't understand though," Cameron announced. "Cuddy says '_I love you'_ and you decide that you feel the same way. Surely you should have known all along?"

"Maybe," Thirteen admitted. "Maybe I was just in denial, who knows?" She checked her watch, noting that she was late. "Look I have to go; House is going to kill me. Just... forget we ever happened."

Thirteen walked away, not looking back. She really did feel bad for Cameron and the way she felt, but at the same time; her girlfriend was her first priority.

* * *

"Afternoon!" House shrieked as Thirteen walked into the Diagnostics Department, taking a seat next to Kutner.

Thirteen rolled her eyes. "Don't exaggerate. I'm five minutes late, House. Get over it."

"Well now that's no way to speak to your handsome catch of a boss, is it?" House flung his head back, striking a pose. "Though I guess only fifty percent of you finds me attractive. The other half would prefer to be in a more..._ feminine_ doctors panties, wouldn't it?

Thirteen felt her pulse quicken at House's words. Did he know about her relationship with Cuddy? Oh _God_. "What does that mean?" she asked apprehensively.

"It means that you were spotted approximately five minutes ago in the car park with a certain blonde who used to work for me." He grinned in Thirteen's direction.

Thirteen breathed a sigh of relief, before she realised that this was possibly worse. If he told Cuddy about his suspicions then she would be bound to call Thirteen on it.

"I don't have a clue what you're talking about," Thirteen played dumb. "I had a conversation with Dr. Cameron but contrary to what you might think; I am not sleeping with her."

"Did I say you were?" House threw in. "I was implying that you wanted to be sleeping with her. Seems I'm a little behind with the times though. Tell me, is she any good?"

"I'm not sleeping with her!" Thirteen yelled, her temper surfacing. All she needed was for Cuddy to walk in and she'd have a serious problem on her hands.

"House, lay off her," Kutner piped up, defending her.

"What were you talking about?" House ignored his attempts at sticking up for Thirteen.

Thirteen thought on her feet; the only thing she could do. "A patient in the ER. I covered a shift for one of her doctor's a couple of days ago."

"Sounds reasonable to me," Taub sided with Thirteen, apparently not interested in his colleague's sex life any more than she was interested in his. "Can we work on the case now please?"

"You might as well let him get it out of his system," Foreman mumbled from the corner as he flicked through a magazine. "He won't stop until he's satisfied."

"Exactly like Thirteen!" House took the opportunity to crack a joke.

"Do we suspect what it is yet?" Thirteen asked, glad for the change in subject.

"It's bacterial meningitis," House stated. "Do an LP to confirm." He stood, hobbling over towards the door, cane in hand. "And Thirteen, if you aren't having sex with Cameron, you're having sex with or have had sex with someone you shouldn't have."

"How could you possibly know that?" Thirteen snapped. She knew she shouldn't rise to the bait, but she was tired and now irritable after her argument with Cameron. She couldn't handle House and his nosiness on top of that. She supposed she was lucky that House had obviously been watching from a distance. If he'd been closer he would have been able to read the angriness in both of their expressions, which would have enhanced his interest and curiosity.

"You're being far too defensive," He informed her of his theory, walking outside the door. Two seconds later, he poked his head back around the door. "Oh and you have a love bite on the side of your neck." He disappeared again.

Closing her eyes, Thirteen rested her head in her hands.

_Fuck._

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	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for the reviews I've had so far, I really appreciate it when people take the time to review, and I like to read your thoughts on my writing. I hope you enjoy this next part. :)**

**Also, for the readers of Fading Addiction visit my profile page to vote in the poll question. I really am interested to know what you would rather with regards to the question.**

* * *

Leaving Kutner and Taub to take care of the LP, Thirteen hurried to the locker room going straight to the mirror. She didn't know how she'd missed the love bite on her neck; how stupid could she be? Of course it was entirely possible that it had been Cuddy who gave it to her, but then there was always the chance that it was Cameron. In fact it was more than likely to have been Cameron considering that she hadn't had sex with Cuddy for the last few days. She had simply held Cuddy when they were in bed together, not able to bring herself to touch her in any remotely sexual way straight after being with Cameron. In addition to this Cuddy was gentle with her, and even when they had rougher sex it was nowhere near as forceful as it had been with Cameron these last few times.

If only Cameron had still been sweetness and light when they were in bed together, this wouldn't have been a problem at all. In all honesty Thirteen didn't know how she could lie her way out of it if Cuddy saw the love bite. Hell, she'd been lucky that she hadn't seen it so far; it wasn't like they hadn't spent any time together! Now that she'd located it towards the back of the left side of her neck, it was glaringly obvious. With her hair tied back it was more noticeable; that must be why Cuddy hadn't seen it, as Thirteen had only worn her hair down around her girlfriend.

Pulling her ponytail free, Thirteen checked that it was covered. Satisfied, she left the locker room and made her way to the clinic, intending on getting her hours for the week over and done with.

* * *

Unfortunately for Thirteen the clinic wasn't overcrowded, and there was a severe lack of patients. This meant that there was a great deal of standing around and waiting until someone wished to be seen. It also meant that she had time to process her thoughts; something that only served to make her feel terrible. What she'd done with Cameron was so stupid, so risky, and now that House was sniffing around it made things extremely awkward. All he had to do was show up at the wrong time, say something that made Thirteen inadvertently reveal what had been going on. She would have to be more careful around him, something that should be easier now that she was no longer seeing Cameron. As long as Cameron did as she asked and stayed away, then there shouldn't be a problem, she reassured herself.

"Dr. Hadley, can I see you in my office?" Thirteen turned to see Cuddy standing before her wearing a red shirt and one of her trademark tight black skirts. Thirteen felt her heart beat a little faster. No matter how many times she set eyes on Cuddy, she never failed to be affected by her choice of clothing.

Smiling, she nodded and trailed after her girlfriend, unsurprised that Cuddy had the blinds closed. She shut the door behind her, affording them total privacy. Discreetly checking that her hair hid the love bite, (she'd have to cover it with make up later on) she placed a soft kiss on her girlfriend's cheek.

"I missed you last night," Cuddy complained, pulling Thirteen into her arms. "Where were you?"

"I didn't finish until late again, so I went home," Thirteen lied, hating herself and praying that Cuddy wouldn't check with House. She hadn't before, but that didn't mean she wouldn't at some point in the future. Well, at least she wouldn't have to do this for much longer. "But House thinks the patient has bacterial meningitis, and Kutner and Taub are doing an LP to confirm. If it is then I can come to yours straight after shift today."

Cuddy smiled. "Only if you want to."

"Of course I do," Thirteen said sincerely, burying her head in Cuddy's shoulder. She inhaled deeply, loving the smell of the perfume that Cuddy wore. It was a slightly fruity scent with a hint of spices; a fragrance that suited Cuddy perfectly. "Are you finishing on time?"

"I plan to," Cuddy informed her. "If you do then I will, I've done extra paperwork at home all week so I'll take tonight off for us."

Thirteen grinned, lifting her head up and pressing her lips to Cuddy's. She nibbled on her bottom lip until Cuddy opened her mouth and reciprocated, before flicking her tongue against Cuddy's, battling against her for dominance of the kiss. She raised her hands, cupping them around Cuddy's face and manoeuvring her so that their mouths seemed to dance together; moving in time to non-existent music. Unable to stop herself from going any further, Thirteen snaked her arms around Cuddy, pushing her back and trapping her between herself and the desk. Attempting to resist, Cuddy protested against Thirteen's mouth refusing to accept with a simple _"Can't here,"_ though Thirteen ignored her.

"Just two minutes," Thirteen moaned, a hand now inside of Cuddy's shirt, groping her chest and eliciting sighs from the older woman.

"Seriously," Cuddy continued. "The door... isn't... locked." She was breathless, distracted by Thirteen's kisses against her collar bone. It took a few seconds, but eventually she seemed to find the strength within, and more firmly she instructed Thirteen, "Stop!"

Recognising the fact that Cuddy meant what she was saying Thirteen groaned, reluctantly letting go of her girlfriend. "Not fair," she frowned, acting like a child who had just had their sweets taken away from them.

"Petulance really isn't attractive Rems, I've told you before," Cuddy teased, brushing Thirteen's hair from her face.

"Neither is denial," Thirteen shot back, annoyed at being left frustrated.

"I'll make it up to you later," Cuddy promised. "I actually just called you in here so you could update me on your case... which you've already done."

"You only ever call me here for work related stuff," Thirteen protested.

Cuddy sighed. "Maybe that's because I'm your boss and this is the middle of a work day in my office," she said, a hint the sarcasm she usually used against House shining through. Thirteen couldn't help but notice that it was delivered with less irritation, and there was a sparkle in Cuddy's eyes that told Thirteen she was just playing with her, teasing. It was a side of her that she didn't often show within the hospital, usually saving it for when they were alone together elsewhere.

"Fine," Thirteen gave up, knowing she would never be able to convince Cuddy otherwise. She still held out hope of one day persuading her to indulge in activities of a sexual nature in her office, but she had a feeling that it would take a lot of hard work before she did so. "I guess I'll see..."

Thirteen was about to finish her sentence when the door was flung open and House came crashing through. Cuddy raised an eyebrow at Thirteen as if to say, "Look what would have happened if we'd carried on" and then turned her attention towards House.

"Thirteen! What a pleasant surprise," he exclaimed, joy in his voice that Thirteen could only guess was because he was about to say something to humiliate her. "I had a chat with Cameron."

Thirteen felt the panic rise within her. No, he couldn't talk about this now; not with Cuddy in earshot. She faced House turning her back to Cuddy, and tried to signal through her facial expressions that he should shut up. No such luck, apparently.

"Apparently you got your facts confused. It was a patient in the clinic, not the ER that you were... _discussing," _he stated knowingly. "And I like your hair down by the way."

Damn. Cameron had obviously come up with an excuse that they'd been talking about a clinic patient, whereas Thirteen had told House it was an ER patient. Discrepancies such as this wouldn't have been picked up by anyone normal but of course; House was anything but normal.

"What are you talking about?" Cuddy asked, confused.

Thirteen frantically searched her head for an answer, wanting to reply before House. Again, luck wasn't on her side.

"Thirteen has a new friend in the form of Dr. Cameron," House informed her. "And by friend I mean..."

"He's being an idiot," Thirteen interrupted, turning to face Cuddy. "Ignore him."

Cuddy continued to look towards Thirteen, still wearing a confused expression on her face. Thirteen tried to keep her own face neutral, knowing that Cuddy wasn't stupid. She'd pick up on the slightest hint of guilt.

"Right..." Cuddy said slowly, her eyes flitting between House and Thirteen. It looked as though she were watching to see if either of them was going to give anything away. "Why are you here, House?"

"Do you want the real reason or a made up reason that means you're not going to yell at me?" He asked her.

"The real one," she snapped.

"I overheard two porters discussing your choice of outfit today. To quote Bill, "_She looks fucking hot maaaan!_" I wanted to see for myself." He shrugged his shoulders. "For what it's worth; I agree. Very nice."

Cuddy sighed, shaking her head. "Go away."

"Fine. Thirteen," he gestured for Thirteen to follow, which she attempted to do, before Cuddy spoke.

"Dr. Hadley, I still need to speak to you," she said, her voice impassive.

Knowing that this was about what House had just said and dreading what Cuddy was going to say, Thirteen reluctantly stopped.

"I'll catch you up," she said to House.

He nodded, watching the two women for a few seconds before walking out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

"What is it?" Thirteen played dumb, figuring that was the best thing she could do right now. If she acted nonchalant about this whole situation then maybe Cuddy would assume there was nothing to it except for House and his ability to read something into nothing; no matter how small.

"What did House mean?" She asked bluntly.

"About what?" Thirteen returned the question with a question.

"Cameron," Cuddy replied. "Something about a patient?"

"He saw me talking to her in the car park this morning and he wanted to know what we were talking about, so I told him it was a patient in the ER," Thirteen lied, feeling awful but taking every care in the world not to show it. "He went and asked Cameron because... well because he's House, and she apparently told him it was a patient in the clinic."

"So what were you really discussing?" Cuddy pressed. "It obviously wasn't a patient."

"It was him, but there was no way I was going to admit that," Thirteen told her, the lie easily rolling off her tongue. "I guess Cameron shared my view."

Cuddy's cheeks darkened. "Oh right. Sorry it's just... for a moment there I thought... you know..." Cuddy's voice trailed off.

"You thought what?" Thirteen asked, looking as innocent as possible.

"That you were... I don't know, that you and Cameron had been..." she stopped talking again, but the implications were clear.

Hating herself for having to reassure Cuddy that something wasn't true when really it was, Thirteen took Cuddy in her arms. "I wouldn't do that to you, Lisa. I love you." She buried her head into Cuddy's shoulder, thereby preventing Cuddy from seeing the anguish in her eyes.

"I know, I'm just being silly. I'm sorry," Cuddy apologised, making Thirteen feel even worse. "Just forget I said anything."

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	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reviews again. :) It's always nice to be told that your fic is well written; I try my best to make sure the characters are in-character. And cdngirl01 I'm glad that you like it because if you don't normally read Thirteen/Cuddy and you're reading my fic... well it's a compliment. Cheers. :)**

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Thirteen tried her best to do as Cuddy said and forget, but her guilt had been multiplied by a thousand. She'd behaved terribly, yet Cuddy was the one who was apologising to her. She should be the one begging Cuddy for forgiveness and instead, she was lying to the only woman, the only person she'd ever loved in her entire life. Quite honestly, it made her feel like shit. She wanted to be big enough to come clean, but she was too selfish, and she knew that if she did not only would she lose Cuddy, but she'd lose her one chance of happiness.

House had been right about the patient's diagnosis, and so Thirteen had been able to finish work on time. She'd sent a quick text to Cameron telling her what she'd told Cuddy; just in case Cuddy took it upon herself to get confirmation of Thirteen's story. She was pretty sure that Cuddy wouldn't bother, that she whole heartedly believed her (which kind of made her feel worse) but she had to be sure. She'd gotten a reply from Cameron merely reading, "_Ok_" which she supposed was better than "_Fuck off_" or "_Go to Hell_" which she'd half been expecting. Maybe Cameron had actually listened to what she'd said earlier, and was going to leave things as they were. At least, that was what she hoped.

Letting herself into Cuddy's house with the key she had been given, she was surprised to find that it was completely quiet. She removed her shoes and checked her watch, seeing that it was half five in the afternoon. Surely Cuddy should be here by now? She wandered down the hall, checking the kitchen, living room and dining room, with still no sign of her girlfriend. Back in the hall, she noted that Cuddy's briefcase was lying on the floor, and so she must be home, or have been home and left again. Climbing the stairs, Thirteen called out her name. "Lisa? You home?"

It was a few seconds before she heard a muffled reply from the bedroom. She sped up the last few stairs, quickening her pace as she walked to the bedroom and pushed the door open. "Lise?"

"Hey baby," Thirteen barely had time to react as she was pushed against the door shutting it, and she felt Cuddy's lips on her own.

"Mmm," Thirteen returned the kiss briefly before pulling away. She noted that there were red rose petals adorning the bed covers, and a bottle of champagne in ice on the right bedside table. Moving her gaze to Cuddy, she noted that she was wearing a tiny black babydoll top, with a matching pair of panties.

"What's... what's all this?" she stuttered, almost speechless.

"My way of saying sorry for earlier," Cuddy stated, caressing Thirteen's cheek.

"Sorry for what?" Thirteen asked dumbly, unable to think straight.

"For questioning you about Cameron," Cuddy pressed a kiss against Thirteen's throat, nibbling on it gently.

Thirteen closed her eyes feeling sick to the stomach. Cuddy had done all this to apologise for something that Thirteen had lied to her about. Resisting the urge to throw up Thirteen took a deep breath, frozen to the spot. She was a foul person; utterly despicable. She hated what she'd done, she didn't deserve Cuddy, _Lisa_, she didn't deserve any of this...

Cuddy stopped kissing her neck and smiled up at her. Her smile faded the moment she saw the expression on Thirteen's face. "I... I wanted to make it up to you," she stammered, letting go of Thirteen, her cheeks reddening. "I'm sorry; it was a stupid idea. I'll just get dressed and you can forget this ever happened."

Snapping out of her trance, Thirteen properly focused her eyes on Cuddy, noting how hurt she looked. Forcing herself to smile for Cuddy's sake, she reached out and instructed, "Don't you dare. This is... amazing. I just can't believe you've done all this for me. It's... it's really sweet of you."

"Sweet?" Cuddy looked at her, evidently still confused by her behaviour.

"Ok, so maybe sweet is the wrong word," Thirteen made herself grin. "More like... _sexy._"

"Really?" Cuddy still looked unsure.

"Yes," Thirteen assured her. "And it'd be even sexier if you stopped talking," she wanting Cuddy's confusion to end and for her to know that it was ok for her to carry on as she had been before Thirteen had started questioning her. She stopped thinking about how guilty she felt, and focused on the woman before her, because that was what was important now.

With a smile on her face, Cuddy obliged, melting her body against Thirteen's. Raising her hands into the air, Thirteen allowed Cuddy to pull off her top, which was soon followed by her trousers. She tensed her body as Cuddy removed her bra, and she felt her nipples harden as the cool air hit them. Noticing Thirteen stiffen, Cuddy lowered her head, taking Thirteen's right nipple into her mouth and skimming over the left with her hand, eliciting moan after moan from Thirteen. In some ways foreplay was always the most exciting because it was a promise of what was to come. She knew that soon she would be lying on the bed writhing under Cuddy's touch; and that for her was the sexiest thought of all.

Hurrying things along, Thirteen tugged at Cuddy's barely-there clothing, making it clear that she wanted her naked. Raising her head, Cuddy laughed and whispered, "Patience," placing a hand either side of Thirteen and tugging her thong away from her.

"If I'm naked, you have to be naked too," Thirteen growled, throwing Cuddy onto the bed. Cuddy took a sharp intake of breath, not expecting Thirteen to be so aggressive, and so she was further surprised when Thirteen practically ripped her babydoll and panties from her.

"Hey, they weren't exactly cheap!" She protested.

"I'll buy you a new set," Thirteen promised in a low voice before straddling Cuddy, taking control. It was important that Cuddy came first this time; it wasn't fair that Thirteen got everything her way. And so she lowered her head, licking the skin just above Cuddy's chest, moving to her nipples, then right the way down to her belly button. She paused, flicking her tongue in and around it, unable to resist from biting down. She wanted to lose herself in fucking Cuddy, forget everything. Just forget. Concentrate on the way her skin tasted on Thirteen's tongue, the softness of her curves. Not holding off any longer, unable to bear it, she moved down on Cuddy; plunging her tongue in and out of her. She moved to swirling around the outside, tasting her. Cuddy was fairly quiet until Thirteen reached her clit, and feeling exactly where the hardness was; she bit down, making Cuddy cry out. "Oh God," she moaned, bucking her body against Thirteen's head.

Her head fuzzy, Thirteen continued, now thrusting one finger inside of Cuddy, then two, then...

"You're hurting," Cuddy gasped. "Don't bite so hard."

Lessening the pressure, Thirteen felt guilty. This was supposed to be her giving Cuddy what she wanted; not doing as she pleased. Concentrating on the task at hand, she carried on in a way closer to her usual style, using more of her tongue and less of her teeth. When she heard Cuddy moan she knew she was moving in the right direction, and so she carried on for the next few minutes until she felt Cuddy's body shake beneath her as she came, crying loudly, and then went limp.

Thirteen spent a couple more minutes cleaning Cuddy out, before she raised her head. "You ok?" She asked breathlessly.

"Fantastic," Cuddy smiled, placing a kiss on Thirteen's forehead. "You?"

"Completely," Thirteen answered, driven by lust. She allowed Cuddy to reverse their positions so that now she was the one pinned to the bed. Cuddy began gently, kissing Thirteen's neck and shoulders, her hands massaging Thirteen's breasts.

"Harder," Thirteen instructed.

Cuddy obliged, nipping at Thirteen's skin and increasing the pressure. Wanting more Thirteen repeated, "Harder" once again, followed by a third time when it still wasn't enough.

"I'm going to hurt you baby," Cuddy told her, not doing as Thirteen wanted.

"I don't care!" Thirteen groaned. "Just do it."

Cuddy obliged, though if Thirteen had her way then she would have bitten down with even more force. But it was hurting now, she could feel the pain, and that was enough. If she begged for more she knew Cuddy wouldn't, couldn't bring herself to give it to her. Thirteen shut her eyes, losing herself in the moment. She felt... words didn't describe how she felt, but it was almost unbearable to endure, something that escalated the lower Cuddy moved. Eventually she reached Thirteen's clit, and she vigorously licked it with her tongue, pumping three fingers in and out of Thirteen. After a couple of minutes Thirteen realised that she wasn't going to come; not like this. Once again she spoke up. "I need more."

Cuddy lifted her head, "I don't know how much harder I can go without hurting you, Rems."

"Please Lisa," Thirteen begged. "Just do it."

Still hesitant, Cuddy wordlessly obliged, now using four fingers, attacking Thirteen's clit with her tongue. The extra pressure did the trick, and Thirteen felt how close she was. Grasping Cuddy's head, she pushed her close as she thrust her hips upward, screaming as she came. "_Fuck!_"

She swallowed hard, letting go of Cuddy and curling herself upwards, not giving Cuddy a chance to finish off. Now that she'd come she could feel herself starting to throb; the bites on her neck and chest, her clit. God... it hurt so much.

"Remy?" Cuddy said quietly, face to face with her. "What was all that about?"

"Nothing," Thirteen denied. "It was nothing."

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

For the next couple of hours Thirteen feigned sleep. She didn't feel like talking and so she threw on the dressing gown she kept at Cuddy's, and scrunched shut her eyes; trying for the millionth time that day to not think. As on every other occasion before she didn't exactly succeed, and coupled with trying to ignore Cuddy who had chosen to lie next to her; it was almost impossible to fall into a decent slumber. Luckily she managed to fool Cuddy, who wrapped an arm around her front and pressed herself against Thirteen's back, seemingly under the impression that she didn't mind. Ordinarily Thirteen wouldn't have given a damn and she would have been glad, but she was feeling so awful about what she'd done that she could barely cope with it.

That was the entire reason why she'd wanted the sex with Cuddy to hurt; she felt that she should be punished for her weaknesses. More than once she considered what would happen if she told Cuddy about Cameron, but she was sure that if she did there would be no consequence but Cuddy leaving her. If she'd thought that Cuddy would slap her across the face, ignore her for six months, a year, then she could handle that. However, she was almost a hundred percent sure Cuddy would never forgive her. How was she supposed to handle that? The thought of losing the one good thing in her life utterly terrified her.

Maybe if she were to confess in a couple of year's time? She was sure that were Cuddy to not find out about Cameron they would still be together. She could spend the next two years or so feeling guilty; punishing herself, and then tell Cuddy what had transpired and why she had decided to end it. Was that cruel though? To let Cuddy think that she had been faithful only to rip that away from her in the future, just to resolve her of the blame she deserved? Honestly, part of her thought that she ought to deal with Cuddy finding out, and therefore having to endure the consequences. Cuddy should be with someone who treated her like the beautiful woman that she was and committed every part of themselves to her without lying.

"Rems?" Cuddy whispered her pet name for Thirteen in her ear. "If you don't wake up then you're not going to sleep tonight."

Thirteen rubbed her eyes and faked a yawn, pretending to be going through the process of waking up. She blinked at her watch, seeing that it was already ten to eight. "Hi," she said softly.

"Hey," Cuddy replied, smiling down at Thirteen.

Thirteen sat up, bringing her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them, staring down. The silence between them was making her feel uncomfortable. "So..." she threw in, trying to break through it.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" Cuddy blurted out.

Thirteen swallowed, wanting to scream _"Yes yes yes"_ but not having the guts to. Instead she told Cuddy, "No." Just a simple one word answer.

"Why are you lying to me?" Cuddy persisted. "I'm not an idiot so don't treat me like one."

"You're being paranoid," Thirteen stated. "What exactly am I lying about?"

"Earlier on... you weren't you. I don't mean to be crude... but since when have you liked it rough? In fact no; scrap rough and replace it with violent," Cuddy said incredulously, her eyes on Thirteen. She too was sat up, the sheet pulled around her naked body.

"I just felt like a change," Thirteen mumbled. "I don't see what the big deal is."

"The big deal is this," Cuddy pulled back Thirteen's hair, revealing the marks on her neck, including the one left by Cameron. Well, at least Thirteen had an excuse for that now. "Are you telling me you think it's normal to want someone to bite you with as much force as you made me?"

"I didn't _make_ you do anything; I just asked you to," Thirteen snapped, losing her cool. "If you had a problem with it then you shouldn't have gone ahead and done it."

"This isn't about me having a problem with it. I just want to know why the sudden change?" Cuddy said calmly, keeping her voice level.

Thirteen sighed. "There's no reason. I just wanted it to be different for once."

"So you're bored with our sex life?" It was an accusation mingled with a tinge of hurt, and Thirteen didn't think she could stand it any longer.

"No," she denied.

"In that case... you like pain?" Cuddy pressed on, pushing Thirteen past her limit.

"For fuck's sake, Lisa!" Thirteen shouted, making Cuddy jump. Never before had she sworn at Cuddy; they'd barely even argued. The closest they'd ever come was a disagreement over a patient, something that was a work related argument rather than a personal one. "Will you just stop? Jesus!" She turned to look at the other woman, heart wrenching as she saw that there were tears in her eyes.

She stood up, locating her clothes on the floor. "I'm gonna go," she said quietly, subdued. She dressed quickly, back to Cuddy, who remained silent the whole time. Without looking back she left the room, not bothering to shut the bedroom door behind her. The decent thing to do would be to stay and apologise for her behaviour; but she couldn't. The hate for herself was too great, the overwhelming urge to get the hell out of there had taken over.

It was only as she opened the front door that she heard a sob and a door slam shut.

She left anyway.

* * *

Thought she debated with herself about what she was going to do; she decided it was pointless trying to fight it. Picking up the phone as she drove home (she'd done worse things than that, after all) she dialled Cameron's number.

"Remy?" she heard Cameron's surprised voice as she answered the phone.

"Are you busy?" She jumped straight in, seeing no need in holding off. It was going to be pretty clear to Cameron why she was ringing anyway; there was no reason for contact considering what had happened over the last twenty four hours.

"Not really," Cameron informed her. "Why?"

"Be at my place in fifteen minutes," she instructed the blonde, hanging up the phone. She knew her instructions would be adhered to and so she sped up the car, wanting to get to her apartment before Cameron did. She didn't care about her promise never to bring Cameron back to her apartment again.

She didn't_ care_ about anything.

**

It was only a few minutes after she'd reached her apartment that she heard her buzzer go. She pressed the button to allow Cameron into the building, and within two minutes there was a knock at her door. Downing the remaining vodka in her glass she opened the door; staring at the blonde before her. Wasting no time she pulled her inside, slammed her against the door. She smashed their lips together and furiously tugged at her clothing, frantically trying to pull it off.

"I thought you didn't want this anymore," Cameron gasped, though she did nothing to discourage Thirteen. Instead she chose to help her along by undoing her trousers.

"Shut up," Thirteen told her, succeeding in pulling off Cameron's t-shirt and throwing it behind her.

"Mmm," Cameron groaned, accepting Thirteen's answer. She separated Thirteen from her top, stopping her from carrying on when she surveyed the angry red marks adorning Thirteen's skin. "My God, what... what..."

"I said shut up," Thirteen hissed, grabbing the back of Cameron's head and manoeuvring her for another kiss.

"Never had Cuddy down as getting off on the kinky stuff," Cameron murmured into Thirteen's skin as she took the time to unclasp her own bra, pull down her panties.

"She doesn't," Thirteen whispered, having felt a stab of pain in her heart as Cameron spoke Cuddy's name. She paused, thinking about what she was doing. She'd sworn she would never do this again, not now that she realised the love she felt for Cuddy.

"What's wrong?" Cameron asked, sensing Thirteen's reluctance to continue.

Thirteen moved away, sat down on the couch. She folded her arms across her chest, not knowing what to do.

"Are you ok?" Cameron persisted, taking a seat next to her.

Thirteen shook her head. "I shouldn't be doing this," she murmured.

Cameron raised an eyebrow. "Then why are you?"

"I don't know," she said, a genuine answer. Why was it that she could be honest with Cameron when all she did was lie to Cuddy? She didn't love Cameron; she loved Cuddy. God, this was such a mess!

"Because you want me," Cameron hooked a leg over Thirteen, sitting on her lap.

"No," Thirteen said weakly. Then stronger. "No."

"Then what the hell is this?!" Cameron exclaimed.

"A mistake," Thirteen said, regretting making the phone call to Cameron. "A giant fucking mistake."

Cameron immediately removed herself from Thirteen's lap, and looked her up and down, disgusted. "You're pathetic," she said, venom in her voice.

"I know," Thirteen didn't even bother denying it.

Cameron shook her head, putting her clothes back on and walking to the door. "Don't ever try and use me again. This time..." she stopped talking, seemingly searching for the right words. "This time I'm ending it." She left the apartment, slamming the front door behind her. Thirteen didn't even flinch.

Picking up her bottle of vodka, Thirteen took a few gulps. It was going to be a long night.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**CdnGirl01- It will be revealed in later chapters why she's cheating. It's actually nothing major... but yeah, she is messed up. Her entire character screams messed up in the show anyway. Which is probably because of the Huntington's but like I said, there are so many fics that focus on that and I want to do something different. Heh, normally I reply to reviews individually but your anon so I had to write it here like I'm doing now. Thanks for reviewing. :)**

* * *

She felt terrible. Physically, emotionally, in every way possible. Moreover, she didn't even know why she had turned to Cameron; especially when she didn't even like the woman all that much. She drove her insane at the best of times, and just about the only thing she had going for her in Thirteen's view was the fact that she was good in bed. It had always been about the sex; nothing more, nothing less. The only small consolation she had was that she hadn't actually gone through with it, she had folded at the last moment. I didn't make her actions any better, but at least she couldn't beat herself up for actually fucking Cameron.

As she walked through the doors of the hospital someone bumped into her, making her wince. She hurt from head to toe anyway, and she knew that the first thing she was going to do would be to track down some painkillers; maybe she could even steal some of House's Vicodin if she chose the right moment. Of course the easiest thing to do would be to get one of the hundreds of doctors working at the hospital to prescribe her something, but that would mean she had to reveal why she needed them; and that in turn would lead to awkward questions and the hospital gossips (House included) would have a field day.

Slowly, she walked through the clinic, not looking in the direction of Cuddy's office. She didn't want to see her, not before she had a clear head and was able to think properly; which she couldn't do in her current state. After Cameron had left last night, she had downed the entire bottle of vodka and passed out on the couch sometime around eleven, after staring blankly at the television for the best part of two hours. She had slept straight through waking up around six in the morning only to vomit clear liquid into the toilet bowl, having had nothing to eat since yesterday lunch time. Waiting for the lift she felt someone grab her arm, causing her to flinch. She hadn't been expecting anyone to touch her.

"I need to talk to you," Cuddy said in a low voice, as Thirteen turned around.

Knowing there was no way she could refuse, Thirteen nodded, careful not to move her head too much. "In your office?"

Cuddy returned the nod, turning on her heel and leading the way. Meekly, Thirteen followed, not even having the energy to work out what she should say to Cuddy. An apology was due, but that was about all she could figure out. She felt the tension rise within her as Cuddy shut the office door, sitting down on the couch. Thirteen echoed her actions sitting on the edge, leaving space between them. Cuddy probably didn't want to be anywhere near her at this moment in time; so she wasn't going to force close proximity between them when it wasn't wanted.

"Where did you go last night?" Cuddy broke the silence, getting straight to the heart of the matter.

"To my apartment," Thirteen mumbled, making sure she left out the fact that she had invited Cameron to join her. Unable to hold off, her head splitting in two, she added, "Have you got any painkillers?" She hadn't wanted to ask Cuddy but she was desperate.

"What? Why?" Cuddy frowned.

"I need them," Thirteen whispered, holding her head in her hands.

"Nice to know I'm not the only one who decided intoxication was a good idea last night," Cuddy quipped, an attempt at lightening the mood as she realised Thirteen had a hangover. "What was your drink of choice?"

"Vodka," Thirteen admitted, telling the truth. _For once._

"Ah," Cuddy stated, walking over to her desk and rummaging through the top drawer. "I decided not to let the bottle of champagne go to waste. Needless to say that it's now empty."

Thirteen glanced up as Cuddy sat back on the couch closer to Thirteen than before, so that the distance between them was removed. Thirteen chose to take this as a positive sign. "For someone who drank that much you look pretty good," she told her.

Cuddy shrugged. "I handle my drink well. It takes much more alcohol for me to look hung-over, and the makeup I'm wearing helps. I'm not feeling too great but I've already taken two of these." She handed Thirteen a couple of Tylenol.

"Thanks," Thirteen muttered, her hand brushing Cuddy's as she took them. Dry swallowing them she took a few seconds to herself, psyching herself up. She faced Cuddy and asked outright, "Are we over?"

Cuddy frowned in what seemed to be disbelief at what she was hearing. "No. Unless you want us to be?" It was a half statement, half question.

"Of course I don't," Thirteen said quietly. "But yesterday..."

"You hurt me," Cuddy interrupted. "I don't know what you're thinking and... I can't stand it."

"What do you mean?" Thirteen didn't comprehend what Cuddy was getting at.

"Sometimes... you have this look in your eyes. Like you're thinking something you don't want me to know." Cuddy paused, fidgeting with her hands. "I've tried to ignore it but it's driving me crazy. The fact that I'm discussing this with you now should tell you how strongly I feel; you know I want work kept separate from us."

"I'm sorry," Thirteen said in earnest. "I don't mean to be like that. I love you, Lisa."

Cuddy looked insecure. "Yeah? 'Cuz... it doesn't feel like you do."

Thirteen didn't know what she could say to that.

"If you don't feel the same it's ok, but I don't want you to lie to me. It won't change my feelings for you," she promised, taking Thirteen's hands in her own.

"I'm not lying," Thirteen assured her. _Not about this anyway._ "I've never felt like this before about anyone. I know that yesterday was horrible, that I hurt you and I am so _so_ sorry. I'll never treat you like that again."

"It's ok," Cuddy said, smiling gently. "I'm not mad, just concerned. I know you didn't mean it."

Thirteen breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God. I thought you were bringing me here to break up with me."

"No. But I did bring you here to ask you a couple of things," she replied.

Thirteen didn't speak, waiting for her to carry on.

"You don't have to tell me what it is, but answer me this. Is there something wrong?" she said, almost nervously.

"I...I..." Thirteen stammered. "Everything is fine."

"Remy," Cuddy said softly. "Be honest."

Thirteen took a deep breath. She couldn't tell the complete truth, but...

"I'm sorting it," She declared. "It's not you, it's not our relationship; don't worry. Can we leave it at that?"

Cuddy nodded reluctantly. "Ok. I hate that you're keeping secrets from me, but if you don't feel you can tell me... I don't want it to come between us." She gave Thirteen a small smile, then moved towards her, gently kissing her on the cheek. "Just one more question. When we had sex yesterday. All that... asking me to go harder. Why?"

"I felt like I deserved the pain," Thirteen said without really thinking. Her openness had surprised herself, but she supposed it was one less lie she had to deal with. "Like... I don't deserve you."

Cuddy's mouth dropped open at her words. "You can't honestly think that."

Thirteen looked away, not able to maintain eye contact.

"Sweetheart, don't ever say that again. You're amazing, beautiful, kind, intelligent." She took Thirteen's face in her hands, forcing eye contact. "Ok?"

"Yeah," Thirteen choked out, biting the inside of her cheek to stop herself from crying. She was such a horrible person. In that moment she wished she wasn't so spineless. Cuddy deserved to know everything that had transpired between herself and Cameron, and then she had the right to tell Thirteen exactly what a disgusting person she was.

"You're late. If he is in work which I'll admit is a long shot, House is going to have you doing his clinic duty for the next year," Cuddy teased.

"Yay," Thirteen said sarcastically. "I'll ask if I can be sent to the big bosses' office for a_ telling off _instead."

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Sure, if you want House to know about us; go ahead."

Thirteen grinned, feeling better now that the painkillers were kicking in and she'd made up with Cuddy. "I'd love to see the look on his face."

"Don't you dare," Cuddy warned. "We'll tell him when the time is right, and that time isn't now. Let him carry on thinking you're sleeping with Cameron for the moment."

The smile faded from Thirteen's face at her words.

"Hey, I was only joking," Cuddy stated, seeing the look of anguish on Thirteen's face. "I know you wouldn't do that to me." She kissed Thirteen chastely on the mouth. "Now scram. I'll see you at mine later, yes?"

Thirteen nodded mutely, glad that Cuddy had walked back over to her desk and sat in her chair; getting down to business. Turning, Thirteen left, knowing that she couldn't leave things as they were. One way or another, she had to come up with a solution for how she felt.

At the moment, it seemed impossible.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you again for the reviews. :) And madridcks this is an angsty fic... so no threesome between them sorry, because I don't think it would really fit... :P**

* * *

Sadly, House was already in diagnostics with Foreman, Taub and Kutner lounging around; an indicator that they didn't yet have another patient. Thirteen cursed her luck; House was only punctual a handful of times a year, and it just so happened that he'd chosen to be the only two times Thirteen was late. She braced herself for his interrogation; which started immediately.

"How was it?" House prompted.

"How was what?" Thirteen countered, regret at responding to him kicking in as soon as she'd stopped talking. Whatever he was about to say wasn't going to be good.

"Duh," House pulled a face. "The morning quickie that you and Cameron indulged in."

Thirteen groaned. "House..." She pulled her hair around her shoulders, shielding the marks on her neck from his view. She'd attempted to use foundation and concealer to cover them up, but she wasn't sure that she'd done a very good job.

"So whose fault is it that you're late?" House continued. "Are you the frisky one or Cameron? It's her; right? She was always getting down and dirty with Chase in various locations around the hospital." He brightened, a sign that he'd realised something. "Chase. Well well, I wonder what he'd have to say about this!"

"There is nothing going on," Thirteen growled. "What is it going to take to convince you?"

House paused. "Defensive. Angry. You're hiding something."

"Or you're just annoying her...?" Foreman suggested.

"Do we have to do this again?" Taub groaned, speaking up. "It was boring last time, and it's gotten no more interesting since then."

"You don't find the idea of two attractive young women having sex, sexy?" House shot at him.

Taub was speechless.

"He's got a point," Kutner shrugged, joining in. "But House, you don't have any proof."

"Not at the moment," he grinned. "But the evidence will show itself eventually."

Thirteen had had enough. Trying to control her temper she stated, "I don't have to listen to this." She swivelled on her feet, about to leave the room.

"Where do you think you're going?" House asked her.

Valuing her job, Thirteen stopped. There was only a certain amount of rudeness that you could throw at House before he pulled rank, and Thirteen was pretty sure that she'd already reached her limit for the moment. "The clinic. I'm going to do something useful," she said with just the right amount of snark; not too much, not too little.

"Nu uh. You're going to the ER," House informed her.

Thirteen laughed wryly. "You're kidding, right?"

House shook his head. "Nope. I'm deadly serious."

"No," Thirteen refused. Why should she put herself in that position? If House threatened to fire her then she would just go over his head to Cuddy; she would definitely understand. House was doing this for no reason other than to screw with her and make her feel uncomfortable. This was just some silly little game to him; her happiness didn't matter as far as he was concerned. Basically he was out for himself and his own entertainment and satisfaction.

House frowned at her. "If there's nothing going on between yourself and Cameron then why would you refuse? This is just another shift, something for you to do when there isn't a patient to treat."

Actually... he kind of had a point. Right? Her reluctance to go to the ER suggested that she had something to hide, and that meant House had further evidence to say that her relationship with Cameron wasn't entirely innocent.

"Kutner and Taub; I want you in the clinic," he barked at them. They rose up from their seats, going to do as was asked of them. Evidently they didn't wish to get too deeply involved in Thirteen's disagreement with their irritating boss.

"Fine," Thirteen declared. "If you're going to get off on the fantasy of myself working with Dr. Cameron then fair enough. But believe me when I say that you have _no_ idea how wrong you are," Thirteen stared at him meaningfully, trying to convey that she had something to hide, but that a relationship with Cameron wasn't it. If she had her way this would be the perfect opportunity to inform him that she was with Cuddy; but she had to respect her girlfriend's wishes.

Thirteen left swiftly, not giving him a chance to reply. Doing as was asked of her; she headed to the ER. She didn't know what Cameron's reaction to her presence would be but she was positive that it wasn't going to be good. Hopefully Cameron would remain professional in front of others, but in private, Thirteen didn't hold out much hope.

Oh well. Here goes nothing.

* * *

Spying Cameron from a distance, Thirteen sighed. The blonde was evidently in a horrible mood as she slammed some papers down in front of a nurse and snapped an instruction at her to clean up cubicle three. There was nothing Thirteen wanted more than to run away and hide in Cuddy's office for the rest of the day, but that was blatantly not an option. Against her better judgement she stayed, deciding that the mature thing to do would be to stay and face the music.

"House sent me here," Thirteen stated from behind Cameron, making her jump at the sudden visit.

"What for?" She asked coldly, not looking at Thirteen and continuing to stare at the clipboard in front of her.

"We haven't got a patient so he sent Kutner and Taub to help in the clinic and me here," Thirteen informed her, hoping to subtly convey to Cameron that House suspected something.

Her words had the desired effect. Cameron's head snapped upwards and she said in a low voice, "Come with me."

Thirteen did as was asked of her by the blonde, and trailed behind her into a side room.

"What does he know?" Cameron had a panicked edge to her voice. It seemed that now her..._ thing_ with Thirteen was over she was terrified that Chase would find out. She might not really love him, but she obviously didn't want him to find out about her affair with another woman.

"He doesn't_ know _anything," Thirteen assured her. "But he suspects. That's why he sent me down here. I guess that aside from making me feel uncomfortable, at some point he is going to attempt to spy on us. So whatever you do; keep your hatred for me a secret and treat me like you treat every other doctor."

Cameron gazed at Thirteen, an indescribable look in her eyes. "I don't hate you, Remy. I hate what you've done to me."

Thirteen was surprised at Cameron's use of her name. "You hardly ever call me that."

Cameron shrugged. "I didn't really feel comfortable using your name when we were together... on the odd occasion I tried I felt stupid. You always seemed so distant with me, you know? Not to mention that you yourself have never called me Allison."

Thirteen paused, taking the time to view the pain in the other woman's eyes. She hadn't really thought about the effect on Cameron until now; her previous apologies not sincere. Her only concern had been for Cuddy and preventing her from finding out. Now that she was facing Cameron and actually seeing the hurt that she felt, she realised her selfishness had affected more than just her own relationship. Were Chase to find out what had gone on behind his back, without a doubt he would be upset too.

"I really am sorry," Thirteen said quietly. She placed a hand on Cameron's arm. "I've been a total bitch. I don't want you to be hurt."

Cameron gave a small smile. "It's a bit late for that; don't you think?"

"Maybe," Thirteen acknowledged Cameron's words. "But by stopping this now the hurt doesn't have to spread to Chase and Cuddy."

"Yeah," Cameron agreed, voice still subdued. "You're right."

Thirteen pulled back her arm and thinking that the conversation was over, she headed towards the door.

"Do you really love Cuddy?" Cameron blurted out.

Thirteen stopped. Turned. "With all my heart," she replied.

Cameron nodded, blinking back the tears that were in her eyes. "I only ask because... I don't love Chase."

Thirteen didn't know what to say, and so she waited for Cameron to continue.

"I love you," she croaked out.

Thirteen's eyes widened in disbelief. Refusing to accept Cameron's words she countered, "No you don't; You just think that you do."

Cameron's brushed back a tear that had escaped down her cheek. "Don't try and tell me how I feel! I do love you, and I'm sorry if you find that hard to accept, but it's the truth."

"It's just a crush!" Thirteen exclaimed, moving back towards Cameron. "What happened between us... it wasn't intimate." She took a deep breath. "Look, if we had never had sex then you wouldn't be feeling this way. You know nothing about me... the most that you know is what I look like naked, what I'm like in bed!"

"Isn't that enough?" Cameron asked hopefully.

"No," Thirteen shook her head. "We'd never last. Never."

"You don't know that," Cameron protested.

"It doesn't matter anyway," Thirteen told her. "I don't love you."

"I know!" Cameron raised her voice, causing Thirteen to flinch. "You don't have to tell me; I'm not an idiot!"

"Then don't put me in this position!" Thirteen yelled back, making her own head throb.

Cameron laughed, though it was anything but kind. "This just has to be about you, doesn't it? Forget what I think; that's irrelevant," She looked Thirteen up and down, the familiar disgust back in her expression, tears long gone."Do you know something, Remy? You're a selfish bitch."

"You think I don't know that?!" Thirteen yelled, louder than previously. "This isn't a fucking state-the-obvious competition, Cameron!" She lowered her voice as she spoke her next words. "It's my life."

Cameron opened her mouth to retaliate, though a glance at the door and she stopped.

Thirteen span around, only to see Cuddy standing before her, an unreadable expression on her face.

**

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	8. Chapter 8

**Another update, still not sure how many parts this is going to be, depends on the sort of feedback I get! :)**

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Inside, Thirteen panicked. "Lisa," she said dumbly, not knowing what else to say.

"What's going on?" Cuddy asked, her voice giving away nothing.

It was Cameron who composed herself first. "Dr. Cuddy," she confidently walked towards the Dean, back in doctor mode. "I'm glad you're here. Dr. Hadley and I can't agree on a patient's treatment."

Cuddy frowned, looking back and forth between Thirteen and Cameron. "You're both screaming blue murder because of a _patient_?" she asked in amazement.

"The patient, male, has quite obviously suffered a heart attack," Cameron informed Cuddy, her eyes focused on her bosses' and well away from Thirteen's direction. "Dr. Hadley seems to think that warrants a visit to the diagnostics' department. Quite honestly, I don't appreciate House's team attempting to poach _my_ patients simply because they are bored."

Composing herself, Thirteen played along. If Cuddy was going to buy this then she had to be convincing. "I wasn't bored, I think he has something seriously wrong with him. The heart attack may be the first symptom in a long line of many," she bluffed.

"What makes you say that?" Cuddy asked, still not giving away her thoughts and focusing on the two doctor's in front of her.

Thirteen racked her brains for something to say. Luckily, Cameron came to her rescue. Again. "He's only twenty five years old and in good shape. I tried to tell Dr. Hadley that these cases are sometimes stumbled upon, but she wasn't having any of it."

Now in the know of what Cameron was presenting, Thirteen responded, still in her role, "You don't think it's worth at least exploring? You're just as stupid as your hair colour suggests!"

"Dr. Hadley!" Cuddy chastised, apparently shocked that Thirteen could be so rude, and falling for their lie. "Dr. Cameron, carry on monitoring the patient here. If there's nothing to suggest he needs to visit diagnostic's then take the usual course of action." She turned back to Thirteen. "I think _you_ owe Dr. Cameron an apology."

"I apologise," Thirteen bowed her head to Cameron. "I shouldn't have said that."

"Apology accepted," Cameron said bitterly. Somehow, Cameron didn't think all the bitterness she held in her voice was part of her act.

"Right," Cuddy placed a hand on her hip. "Now that that's sorted, do you think it would be possible for you two not to act like you were in kindergarten and get back to treating patients?"

Cameron nodded solemnly, exiting the room. Still paranoid that Cuddy had overheard something and wanting to make sure that she was still clueless, Thirteen opened her mouth to ask her girlfriend if she could have a word in private. However, Cuddy held up a hand indicating that she should keep quiet and listen.

"I don't want to hear it. Do as I said," she barked, spinning around and sauntering off. Thirteen could hear the sound of her heels on the linoleum floor. Frozen, she stood as still as a statute until the clipping faded. Had Cuddy really not suspected anything? Maybe she had just come in at the very end of her confrontation with argument, and though she hadn't understood what the two women were talking about, she hadn't heard Cameron's declaration of love either. Thirteen was sure that it was ok, if Cuddy had heard something then she wasn't exactly going to ignore it; was she? That wasn't her style, and she seemed to be pretty put together when she entered the room. If she had realised Thirteen had been cheating on her then surely there would have been some sort of sign...?

Breaking out of her reverie, Thirteen lifted her head to see that Cameron had once again entered the room.

"What did she say once I'd left?" Cameron asked, wearing a panicked look. "Did she buy it?"

Thirteen nodded. "I think we're in the clear. She basically just told me to do as she said."

"God," Cameron breathed a sigh of relief. "That was way too close."

"I know," Thirteen agreed, swallowing the lump in her throat, trying to make it go away. She wasn't sure how much more of this she could take.

"Well... I suppose we should do as she said," Cameron stated.

"Yeah," Thirteen agreed, walking out of the room after Cameron. Back to work. Excellent.

* * *

Thirteen didn't think she'd ever had a shift that dragged so much. Her mind was anywhere but her work, and though she'd tried to focus on the patients, she couldn't help the preoccupation with her own life. After the third patient in a row complained about her behaviour, Cameron sent her to go and sort out the stock cupboard; a mundane and boring task that was usually left to the nurses. On the plus side this meant that she was on her own and therefore didn't have to put on a front. Later on when she went to Cuddy's she knew that she would have to behave in a normal manner if she didn't want to arouse further suspicion, and so it was nice to have a chance to psyche herself up for it.

She supposed that she were meeting Cuddy at her place as usual, and so she didn't bother to wait for her or go to see her at the hospital. It would be better if the next time they saw each other they were completely alone in an environment other than the hospital, as Cuddy would be more relaxed. Checking her watch, Thirteen saw that it was already half seven meaning that Cuddy should definitely be finished by now. Technically Cuddy's working day finished at five; but the Dean rarely ever finished on time unless she had something else planned; like yesterday. Thirteen still felt bad for that; Cuddy had made an effort only for the evening to quite literally, end in tears for her. She'd have to do something to make it up to her.

"Someone doesn't look happy. Would that be something to do with a certain ER doctor walking off hand in hand with a puppy dog by the name of Chase?" House limped up to Thirteen, as she made her way through the double doors of the hospital to her car.

"Go away," Thirteen sighed, with no real irritation to her voice. She was too drained, and had had enough of House to last her a lifetime.

"Going to go cry into your pillow?" House said with mock concern.

"I'm not sleeping with Cameron," Thirteen said dully.

House rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sounds like you mean it."

Thirteen sighed. "I don't care what you think, House. If the thought of me and Cameron having sex brightens up your day then fine. But that's all it is; a thought."

"What's so wrong with admitting it?" He carried on walking with her, even though Thirteen had already passed his car. "I promise I won't tell Chase."

Thirteen laughed. "Yeah right. House, if you actually had any proof Chase would be the first person you ran to in order to break the news."

"Naa," House disagreed. "Cuddy would be first on my list."

"Why would Cuddy care?" Thirteen asked, trying to keep her voice level. Did House know something?

"She wouldn't," House responded. "But it'd give me a chance to ask her if she'd be interested in taking part in a threesome with you guys in a private performance for me."

Thirteen breathed a sigh of relief, something that didn't go unnoticed by House.

"Why does that concern you?" He asked curiously.

"She's my boss. You think I want her hearing ridiculous rumours about me and another member of staff?"

"It's nothing to do with her. You don't work closely with Cameron; so there's no problem," House replied.

"Chase?" Thirteen prompted. "How do you think he would feel if he thought I was with Cameron? It'd break his heart. He's totally in love with her and..." she stopped talking, not wanting to say something and inadvertently give the game away.

"Ha! If you weren't sleeping with Cameron then you wouldn't know Chase was in love with her!" House exclaimed, relaying his latest theory.

Thirteen didn't know what to reply to this. Eventually, after a few seconds consideration, she uttered a simple, "Yes. It's nothing to do with the fact that his love for Cameron is _obvious_ to _everyone_. You're right."

"Really?" House grinned at Thirteen's revelation.

Thirteen shrugged. "When I deny it you don't believe me. It's not true, but if it makes you happy to think it is..." They'd reached her car. Thirteen clicked the button on her key fob, disarming as well as unlocking it.

"Wait," House called out as she was about to get into the car. "What did you mean earlier?" Thirteen looked confused, not knowing what he was referring to, until he added, "You said, and I quote, _"you have no idea how wrong you are"_ followed by that piercing look of yours."

"I..." Thirteen was dumbfounded. She assumed he hadn't noticed that; after all, it wasn't like he called her on it. Until now.

"Let's say for arguments' sake, that you're not sleeping with Cameron," he gestured towards Thirteen with his hand, playing out his latest scenario. "That means that you're sleeping with someone else. Is it Kutner? Taub? Foreman? Naa, I'd have noticed something up if it was one of them..." his voice trailed off as he thought.

Thirteen realised that she had to keep her face impassive if he said Cuddy's name. Otherwise, she was in serious trouble, not just with House; but Cuddy too.

"Wilson? No I always know when he's hiding something. Plus I've discussed in detail with him what exactly you and Cameron could be up to, and he didn't bat an eyelid. He reacted in other ways... but we won't go into that," House continued, as Thirteen carried on looking stony faced. " Which leaves... Chase?" He watched, waiting for Thirteen to react.

"You do realise that there are thousands of other people who work at the hospital?" Thirteen informed him.

"Not that you have close contact with. I mean sure there are a few nurses you occasionally chat to but I've noticed nothing out of the ordinary as far as they're concerned," House refuted her suggestion.

"I don't have close contact with Chase either," Thirteen stated.

"No, you don't," House agreed. "So who else would you..." His eyes widened. "Oh my God. You're sleeping with Cuddy."

Thirteen forced a laugh. "No way."

"Yes way. That's why you didn't want me saying anything about Cameron in front of her yesterday. I thought Cuddy looked a bit more interested than she should be!" He was positively gleeful now, sure that he was right this time.

"I'm not sleeping with Cuddy," Thirteen denied. "Bye, House," Ending the conversation, Thirteen got into her car. She couldn't deal with House and his suspicions; not right now. Her only concern was Cuddy, and so ignoring House's calls for her to _"Be a woman and face this!" _she drove away.

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	9. Chapter 9

**I've worked out how many parts this is going to be from my plan. There's no way this is going to drag on for 50 chapters but at the same time I hate it when stories move too quickly, so I'm going to try and strike the right balance. :)**

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Thirteen drove as quickly as she could, wanting to get away from the hospital before House had a chance to follow her. Thankfully she had the intelligence not to park directly outside Cuddy's house, realising that if House drove past he would spot it immediately. Instead, she parked right at the end of the block and jogged straight to Cuddy's house, not wishing to spend too much time outside. If House drove past on his motorbike; he would see her straight away. Thirteen decided if she did hear the sound of a motor she would duck behind a car until it had passed, but she made it to the front door without hearing any traffic at all, It was one of the perks of the quiet suburban-like road that Cuddy lived on.

Knocking frantically, Thirteen willed for Cuddy to open up, wanting to be inside and away from the possible appearance of House. Her car was outside; Thirteen had spotted it, and so she was definitely home. For a moment or two Thirteen considered the possibility that Cuddy wasn't going to answer; that she was so annoyed about earlier she didn't want to see her now. But as she heard the sound of feet padding towards the door to let her in, she realised that she was just being paranoid.

"Hey," she said the moment that Cuddy opened the door. She was wearing a baggy grey jumper over a pair of pyjama bottoms, her hair falling around her face. "Um, can I come in?" Cuddy was stood in the way, not having moved to let her in.

Without a word, Cuddy moved back. She avoided eye contact with Thirteen, something that really worried her. Not sure if she was still letting the paranoia take hold, Thirteen didn't say anything and merely shut the door behind her. Smiling in Cuddy's direction despite the fact that the other woman wasn't looking at her, she enveloped Cuddy into her arms, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. As Cuddy stiffened and pulled away she began to panic. Did she know?

"Um, are you ok?" She asked, dreading the answer. All thoughts of informing Cuddy that House suspected they were together went out the window the moment she saw the subdued expression on Cuddy's face.

"Fine," Cuddy said, her voice monotone.

"Right," Thirteen said, not believing her but not knowing how to say that without it turning into an argument. Changing the subject, hoping that Cuddy was in a bad mood for some other reason, she asked, "Have you eaten?"

Cuddy shook her head before walking into the living room. Thirteen followed.

"Do you want to go out and get something to eat?" Thirteen deliberately brightened her voice, hoping it would perk Cuddy up.

No such luck apparently, as Cuddy shook her head again.

"Well, do you want me to cook dinner here?" Thirteen tried again.

This time Cuddy responded with a shrug of the shoulders. Deciding that the easiest thing to do would be to take that as a yes, Thirteen left the room and went into the kitchen.

She refused to think about the possibility that Cuddy knew about her affair with Cameron. After all; surely she would have confronted her? That was more Cuddy's style. Maybe she was just tired and not up for talking much? Thirteen was probably just paranoid after the events of the last few days.

Not really knowing what Cuddy wanted to eat, Thirteen set about making a simple pasta dish. She focused on the ingredients, finding that if she did so it stopped her thinking about other things that were on her mind. However, in the whole time that she was cooking Cuddy stayed out of the kitchen, leaving Thirteen alone. This in itself was strange; Cuddy never allowed Thirteen to cook without interfering, and she usually ended up taking over and cooking herself. But this time? Nothing.

In what seemed like hours to Thirteen but in reality was probably no more than twenty minutes or so; she was done. She called for Cuddy to come into the kitchen, and though it took her a couple of minutes to appear; Thirteen was glad that she wasn't being completely ignored. She chose to take this as a sign of encouragement that Cuddy hadn't overheard her confrontation with Cameron earlier on. She smiled at the other woman, seeing no need to bring the subject up. For the moment at least.

"I didn't know what you wanted so I just went with pasta," Thirteen set the plate and cutlery down at the kitchen table, there being no need for them to use the formal dining room. They only ever did that when they were having a special night in together; and this wasn't exactly an occasion which warranted that.

"Pasta's fine," Cuddy said quietly.

"Good," Thirteen replied. She was glad that Cuddy had spoken but she didn't like the fact that there was still no eye contact from her. Therefore, she continued to sit opposite Cuddy worried and enduring the awkward silence. She had really wanted to tell Cuddy about House's discovery so that she wasn't surprised when he confronted her about it tomorrow; but somehow she didn't think that was the best thing to bring up right now considering Cuddy's mood.

"How was your day?" Thirteen prompted.

"Fine," Cuddy replied dully.

Not able to stop herself; Thirteen noted aloud, "You know that "fine" has been your answer to everything I've said so far."

"Has it?" Cuddy replied dryly. "My apologies." She picked at her food, playing with it rather than eating it.

Thirteen paused. It seemed she would have to bring up what happened today whether she wanted to or not. She didn't think she could stand the tension any longer. "Are you being like this because of earlier when Cameron and I argued?"

Cuddy remained silent.

"It is; isn't it?" Thirteen reached across the table to place her hand on Cuddy's. The moment she made contact with Cuddy's skin, the woman wrenched her hand away. "Lisa," Thirteen tried again. "Please don't be like this."

"Like what?" Cuddy snapped, finally showing some emotion.

Thirteen sighed. "I've told you there's nothing going on."

Cuddy laughed. "If you say so."

"Lisa!" Thirteen exclaimed. "For God's sake; why are you being like this?"

Cuddy stood, indicating that the conversation was over. She ignored Thirteen's question to her. "You know, I'm not so hungry anymore." She picked up the plate and emptied the remaining food into the bin.

Thirteen watched; not knowing what to say, what to do. She had no appetite either, and so she put down her fork and stood up to walk over to Cuddy. Moving to hug her, Cuddy foresaw this coming and she ducked under Thirteen's arm, leaving the kitchen. Sighing, Thirteen began clearing up and came to the decision that she would give Cuddy a few minutes to calm down before she approached her again. Maybe she should leave the subject of Cameron for now? Thirteen was sure that Cuddy only suspected; if she'd heard anything or had proof then she never would have allowed Thirteen into the house. That meant that if Thirteen kept denying that anything was going on, maybe Cuddy would eventually believe her.

Once she had finished tidying up the kitchen, Thirteen left to see where her girlfriend had disappeared. She discovered Cuddy sitting in the living room, her legs curled up in front of her and her arms around them, tucking herself into a ball. She was staring at the television news, though Thirteen doubted that she was actually watching it. Tentatively, Thirteen sat next to her, her eyes locked onto Cuddy. Against her better judgement she placed a hand on Cuddy's shoulder, feeling her stiffen, but not pull away. "Babe?" She said softly.

"Can you shut up? I'm watching this," Cuddy said, her voice back to its' monotone state.

Knowing full well that Cuddy was lying but having no proof, Thirteen accepted her words. "Sorry," she apologised, removing her hand and staying quiet.

A good ten to fifteen minutes passed before the silence was broken by something other than the television. The news had finished and it had moved onto the weather, though Thirteen was sure that Cuddy was completely unaware of this fact. She herself seemed to be paying more attention to the TV than Cuddy as she attempted to take her mind off everything that had happened. Surprisingly, it was Cuddy who spoke first; causing Thirteen to jump. She had expected to be the one who started the conversation herself, as it appeared Cuddy was intent on ignore her presence. It seemed she'd be proven wrong.

"So," Cuddy asked casually, still facing forward. "How long have you been fucking Cameron?"

Thirteen was speechless. Just what exactly could she say to that? She opened her mouth to deny the allegation, but no words would come out.

"Actually; forget I said that," Cuddy continued. "We've only been together for three months so it doesn't say a lot for our relationship no matter how long. No, how many times have you _fucked _Cameron? Once? More than once?"

"I... Lisa I've told you..." Thirteen stammered.

"Yes I know what lies you've told me, now I want the truth," Cuddy interrupted, almost impatiently.

"That is the truth," Thirteen directly faced Cuddy, pleading for her to believe what she was saying. "I love you, Lisa."

Cuddy finally turned to look into Thirteen's eyes. "No you don't. If you loved me then you wouldn't do this to me. You wouldn't screw someone else, you wouldn't lie to me, you wouldn't do _this_."

Thirteen reached out, grabbed Cuddy's hand. She tried to pull away, but Thirteen held on tightly. "There's only you," she willed Cuddy to believe her. It didn't matter what she said, she wouldn't admit it. Eventually Cuddy would believe her.

_She had to._

Cuddy stood, violently ripping her hand away from Thirteen. "I'm going to bed," she announced, leaving the room. It was only nine o'clock but evidently she didn't wish to spend another moment in the company of Thirteen.

Thirteen felt her heart thudding hard against her chest and she shut her eyes, trying to calm down. It was a total mess, and she didn't see any way out of it. If she admitted she had cheated then she knew Cuddy would end their relationship. If she didn't then she risked Cuddy ending it anyway, or continuing to behave like this. Neither option was appealing, but she couldn't bring herself to decide what to do yet. If she went with the former choice there was no going back, and so she would keep her mouth shut.

_For now._

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	10. Chapter 10

**Minako366, this is definately going to be staying as a Cuddy/Thirteen fic. That's why it's under this category as opposed to Thirteen/Cameron. And I agree, it's so disappointing when a fic randomly turns to a different pairing! I know that Cameron/Thirteen fics get more attention but personally I'd rather write a fic that I actually wanted to rather than a different pairing just because of the amount of reviews.**

**And cdngirl thanks for reviewing again. :) Rushed endings are awful hence why this has been planned out carefully, and there aren't any filler parts. **

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewing!**

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Thirteen lay in bed next to Cuddy. The older woman had tried to throw her out but she'd refused to leave; protesting her love over and over again. She'd sworn that Cuddy was her everything, that she wasn't going to leave her when things were such a mess, never never never. In true Thirteen style she hadn't admitted that things were like this because of her and her inability to keep her legs shut; she couldn't. Eventually Cuddy had thrown her hands in the air and told Thirteen that she didn't give a fuck what she did, she didn't care anymore. Thirteen knew this wasn't true but kept her mouth shut in case Cuddy changed her mind and tried to make her leave again.

There was no way she'd get any sleep tonight, Thirteen was very much aware of that. She doubted that Cuddy would either, but there was no way she was going to voice her thoughts aloud. At the same time she couldn't remain entirely silent, and so she tried one last time to make Cuddy listen.

"Lise?" She said quietly. The lights were off and though there was no way Cuddy was sleeping, there was something about the darkness that made her lower the volume of her voice.

"Don't." The one word answer made Thirteen cringe inwardly.

Still not giving up, Thirteen said, "I really do love you."

Silence. And then;

"If you loved me, you'd do the right thing and tell me the truth."

"I am," Thirteen maintained the lie. "Baby, you're being paranoid." She shuffled closer to Cuddy. "Tell me why you think I'm seeing Cameron? If you do then maybe something I say can help you to believe me." This was the best opportunity she had to get herself out of this situation. Cuddy couldn't see her facial expressions and therefore it would be easier to fool her.

"They're just words, Remy," Cuddy said, pained. "Words and lies."

"No," Thirteen said firmly, encouraged by the use of her first name. "What I'm telling you is the _truth_. So tell me?"

"I can't do this right now," Cuddy whispered, and at once Thirteen realised that she was crying. Her heart ached for her girlfriend. This was exactly why she couldn't tell her the truth; Cuddy would never be able to trust her, _anyone_ ever again.

"Please don't cry," Thirteen begged, reaching out. She wrapped an arm around Cuddy's waist, holding onto her. Cuddy didn't push her away. In fact, she placed a hand on top of Thirteen's. Feeling a little hope, Thirteen added. "I need you so much. You're _everything_ to me."

Cuddy sniffed and Thirteen suspected that she was beginning to get through. "If I didn't have you then nothing would matter. I know that sounds like a stupid cliché but it's the truth." She raised her head, and poured all the love she felt for her girlfriend into one kiss upon Cuddy's lips. For a moment she didn't think Cuddy would respond, but after a few seconds she heard Cuddy moan. She took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, sliding her tongue inside Cuddy's mouth, never wanting the kiss, the night, the relationship to end.

* * *

Thirteen woke the next morning to see an empty space next to her. At first she assumed that Cuddy was in the bathroom, but after a couple of minutes with no sound or sign or Cuddy emerging, Thirteen realised she must have already left. She got ready for work in record time, throwing on clothes that she already kept at Cuddy's for whenever she stayed over. She hurriedly applied the make up to her now rapidly fading bites and sped out of the house barely remembering to lock the door and to her car down the road. Travelling to work she was sure that she broke every speed limit going but fortunately she wasn't caught. Thank God.

She was in a rush because she wanted to talk to Cuddy and see where she stood. After the kiss last night nothing had happened except that Cuddy had eventually fallen asleep in her arms. Thirteen had barely slept herself preferring to lie still, inhaling Cuddy's perfect scent and savouring the feel of her skin on Thirteen's. Just the privilege of being allowed to touch Cuddy made her feel much better, even though in the back of her mind there was a horrible fear that it would be the last time she ever slept in the same bed as her. She told herself that she was being stupid, that everything would be ok. Cuddy had to believe her if Thirteen kept drumming it into her head that she was innocent of cheating.

Hurrying through the clinic she glanced into Cuddy's office to see if she was there, but there was no sign of her. Her eyes scanned the clinic area to see if she'd missed her as she was rushing, but she wasn't there either. Thirteen hoped that she wasn't in a meeting; she didn't think she could stand waiting any longer to speak to her. Moreover, as Dean of Medicine she could be anywhere in the entire hospital; a fact that didn't exactly cheer Thirteen up. Of course it was entirely possible that Cuddy was deliberating hiding from her, and if she was then there wasn't much Thirteen could do about that.

Disheartened, she made her way to Diagnostics. She may as well dump her things before beginning her search, there was no point in dragging them along with her. Until she found Cuddy then she wouldn't be able to do her job, and so with any luck House wouldn't be there. It wasn't yet nine o'clock which meant unless he was having one of his weird look-at-me-I-can-be-on-time days Thirteen would be able to get away before he caught sight of her. If he was there then she would have to come up with an excuse for why she needed to leave; if worst came to worst then she could pretend she was ill and needed to throw up.

It turned out she needn't have planned anything. When she reached Diagnostics her eyes immediately landed on Cuddy, who was looking put together as always. It seemed that it didn't matter what was going on in her personal life; she was able to remain ever the professional. This thought cheered Thirteen up; at least she wasn't going to have an effect when Cuddy was in work mode. Not that she'd expected to but all the same; it was nice to have confirmation. Cuddy hadn't spotted her for the moment and so Thirteen crept into the room quietly, careful not to make a sound. There was no one else in the room but herself and Cuddy, who was bent over House's desk reading something.

"Morning," Thirteen greeted when she was a couple of meters away from Cuddy.

Cuddy jumped at the sound of Thirteen, not having expected anyone else to be there so early. "What are you doing here?" she asked, not looking up.

"It's a funny story actually," Thirteen began, trying to inject some humour into the situation. "See, there's this doctor called Greg House who's completely insane, and he decided that when he hired his new team, he was going to eliminate them one by..."

"Stop," Cuddy interrupted, not finding it at all amusing. "You know what I mean."

"I wanted to speak to you actually," Thirteen told her, going back to her serious self as soon as she saw Cuddy wasn't finding her funny. "To check we were ok? I mean last night... we sorted this right?"

Cuddy finally raised her head, giving Thirteen a piercing look. "I'm going to say this once and once only. We are _not_ doing this here."

Thirteen's heart sank. Apparently she wasn't out of the woods yet as far as Cameron was concerned. She was running out of ideas for how to persuade Cuddy that she hadn't cheated. Feebly she replied, "I can't work with this on my mind. It's driving me crazy."

Cuddy laughed, though it was anything but friends. "It's driving you crazy? What about me?" She walked towards Thirteen and lowered her voice. "You don't even have the guts to be honest with me."

"I am being honest!" Thirteen exclaimed. "How many times do I have to say that I love you?"

"You can say it until you're blue in the face as far as I'm concerned," Cuddy hissed. "I know that you've had sex with her."

"No, I haven't. I barely know Cameron," Thirteen shook her head defiantly, denying it for what felt like the hundredth time. "You have to listen to me, Lisa."

Cuddy ignored her and attempted to walk out of the room. Thirteen held her back.

"Remy," She said through gritted teeth. "Get off me."

"No," Thirteen refused. "We're going to sort this out."

"Do you want me to lose my job?" Cuddy wrenched her arm away. "If someone comes in then..."

"I don't care!" Thirteen yelled, interrupting. She'd finally lost her cool. "Goddamn it why won't you just listen?!"

"I care, now stop shouting," Cuddy said calmly. "It's not going to make me listen. What will make me listen is you telling the truth. If you love me like you say you do then you'll at least admit it."

"Lisa," Thirteen tried again.

"No," Cuddy held up a hand. "Think about it." She left the room, leaving Thirteen alone.

Sick to the stomach, Thirteen could no longer stand. Her worst fear was being realised. She was losing Cuddy and it hurt more than she'd ever thought possible. Gasping, she sank into House's chair, lowering her head onto the desk. She'd tried in vain to keep it a secret but she'd underestimated Cuddy. Oh yes, she had always known how smart she was, but foolishly she'd kidded herself that because she had so much determination to hide the affair; it would be achieved. Even now that Cuddy repeatedly informed her that there was no point lying, she still continued. It was gutless, and she utterly despised herself.

Above all, she was a coward.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you so much for all the positive feedback, I love it lots. :) **

**It will be revealed in the next part how Cuddy realised Thirteen was cheating on her, so you'll have to keep guessing for now! And re the Thirteen/Cameron, Thirteen/Cuddy debate... I just think there have been a few little comments in House about Thirteen & Cuddy which goes to show that they're for the win. ;) **

**For all the Cameron/Thirteen lovers there is still more interaction between them. :)**

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"Well well well," House entered his office. "Wasn't that interesting? You know, I think I'm going to make this whole early slash being on time thing permanent. There are so many interesting things that happen!"

Thirteen was so upset that she couldn't even muster up the energy to retaliate. She just gazed up at House, waiting to see what he would say next.

"So let me get this straight," he quirked up his mouth. "Probably not the best choice of words considering the subject matter, but hey; it'll do." He perched on the desk next to Thirteen, wincing slightly as he pulled his leg up. "You're with Cuddy, but you've been a greedy girl and are also with Cameron; something that Cuddy wasn't aware of until now."

"No," Thirteen said softly. He'd gotten it wrong. She knew there was no point in denying it; lying had achieved nothing for her so far. However, she was going to make sure that when he gossiped to Wilson he was in possession of the right facts. "I'm in a relationship with Cuddy, and she thinks..." Thirteen paused. Oh what the hell; he knew anyway. "_knows_ I'm sleeping... have slept with Cameron."

House surveyed her for a few seconds. "But you're not admitting it."

"No," Thirteen replied.

"Cuddy's not stupid; you'll never convince her," House scoffed.

"I'm going to lose her," Thirteen stated. She didn't care that this was House she was revealing her thoughts to, she didn't care that she was discussing this in work, she didn't care about anything.

"You've lost her anyway," House shrugged. "You betrayed her, and I don't see Cuddy forgetting that."

"What shall I do?" Thirteen asked, willing to listen to any advice at all even if it was from House. He was usually right about patients... maybe he could say something to her that was helpful.

"How am I supposed to know?" He snapped, pulling himself back off the desk. "You want my opinion; you're a total dumbass. You had the hottest woman in the entire hospital and you had to go and cheat on her with another woman, who's already in a relationship with a man!"

Thirteen was angry at his words. She rose to her feet. "You think I don't know that? Yeah, I've fucked up. Tell me how to fix it!" She yelled, though she immediately regretted her words. House was going to tell her to get lost, to sort out her own problems. Why should he care about her relationship with Cuddy?

House watched her, the look that told Thirteen the cogs were turning in his head. "How do you feel?" He asked, no emotion in his voice.

"What?" Thirteen was confused.

"It's a simple enough question," he barked.

Not really sure what he meant but going with what she thought he did, Thirteen stuttered, "Well I... Cameron..." She started again. "What happened with Cameron... it was just one big mistake."

"So it only happened once?" House assumed.

"No," Thirteen said, ashamed. "But it was just sex. I ended it because I realised Cuddy was who I wanted and that what I was doing was wrong. But Cuddy found us arguing, and somehow she knows..."

"If she knows, why don't you admit it? She's just going to end it anyway," House pointed out.

"Yeah," Thirteen didn't know what else to say. "She wasn't supposed to find out," she added desperately.

"Look; this isn't my problem. You can sort this out in your own time," he hobbled to his now empty chair and sat down, twirling his cane in the air.

Recognising the dismissal, Thirteen turned to go into the adjoining diagnostic's room. Before she left, hand on the door handle, she said simply, "Thank you. For the advice."

House glared at her and said sharply, "I don't give a damn about you, but Cuddy..." he searched for the right words. "If you make Cuddy miserable then she's going to make me miserable. It's purely in the interest of self-preservation, I assure you."

Thirteen nodded. He was lying, she recognised that. A liar acknowledged a fellow liar. He was telling the truth when he said that he didn't care about her, but he definitely cared about Cuddy. She was one of the only constant presences within his life and he didn't want to see her unhappy. If he made her sad then it was ok, but when someone else interfered it affected him on a personal level, even if he did say otherwise. That was why he'd given her his opinion in a positively nice manner. Normally he would have been far harsher and meaner, but instead he'd toned it down. Thirteen was going to take his advice and admit it, but she'd definitely pay a visit to the ER to tell Cameron first.

After all, she owed her that much.

* * *

Close to the end of Thirteen's shift, House wandered off to cause havoc elsewhere in the hospital. Thirteen took this opportunity to hurry to the ER. She prayed that Cuddy wouldn't find her down there; that was the last thing she needed, but it was a risk she would have to take. Cameron had to be spoken to; it wasn't fair not to let her know what was going on. She was a big part of this too, and though Thirteen was sure that Cuddy wouldn't actually do anything to Cameron in anger, she should still be forewarned. In addition to this, she had to tell Cameron that she'd come clean to House, so that she was prepared for his mocking behaviour. He might have cared about Cuddy, but that didn't mean he wouldn't use the opportunity to wind Cameron up.

As soon as Cameron spotted Thirteen, she made a move to approach her. "I need to talk to you," she said quickly. "I was just about to come and find you actually."

"What?" Thirteen was confused. "You need to talk to me?"

"Yes; c'mon," Cameron grabbed her arm, pulled her into a cubicle and slid the curtain shut around them. "Cuddy has been looking for me, one of my nursing staff just informed me. Something tells me her reason for wanting to talk to me isn't entirely innocent."

Thirteen sighed. "She knows. Cameron; she figured it out after she saw us arguing. I've been denying it but she won't listen."

"So what are you going to do?" Cameron asked worriedly.

"Tell her," Thirteen declared. "I have no other choice."

"You can't!" Cameron hissed. "What if she tells Chase?"

"Not my problem. And what does it matter anyway; you don't love him!" Thirteen snapped.

Cameron glared at her. "That isn't the point and you know it," she sighed. "When are you going to tell her?"

"Today," Thirteen said, swallowing hard. "As soon as possible." There was no point in prolonging the inevitable, she needed to be strong and face her mistake whilst she possessed the courage.

"Is there nothing I can say to make you change your mind?" Cameron asked, tears in her eyes.

Thirteen didn't care; Cameron wasn't her concern. She'd done the right thing by letting her know what she was about to do, but that was as far as it was going to go. Even when Cuddy did end their relationship, she wouldn't be turning to Cameron for comfort. Going to Cameron was what had caused this whole fucking mess in the first place. And so wearily, Thirteen shook her head. "No. I have to be honest; I've been lying for far too long," She backed away from Cameron. "You should tell Chase because even if Lisa doesn't; House will."

"House?" Cameron frowned, sitting on the trolley.

"He overheard me talking to Lisa and worked it out," Thirteen left out the part about her asking him for advice. Cameron didn't need to know that.

"Oh God," Cameron moaned, closing her eyes in absolute horror. "That's it. We're finished."

"Maybe not, if you tell him first," Thirteen said softly. "He loves you, you've told me as much yourself. Be honest with him and he might appreciate that. But honestly Cameron? If you don't love him then you shouldn't string him along. Think of how I've made you feel. That's exactly what it's going to be like for Chase." With one last apologetic look, she left Cameron sitting down, coming to terms with the news.

For Thirteen; that wasn't too hard. It was unpleasant definitely, but if she had a choice between doing that a hundred times and telling Cuddy the truth just once; she'd pick the former to carry out every time. She knew that she did this, there was some truth to the saying, _"What goes around comes around"_ but that didn't mean that she wasn't going to feel a little sorry for herself. It wasn't like anyone else would give a damn how she was feeling; so she was entitled to a little self-sympathy.

Before she knew it she was outside Cuddy's office, looking in at the only woman she had ever loved.

She knocked on the door.

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	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks for the reviews, it's nice to be getting more than I originally was as I wasn't sure if people actually liked it. :)**

**You'll be pleased to know that this is the part you've been waiting for where some of your questions (and Cuddy's!) will be answered.**

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**Far too soon, Cuddy called out for Thirteen to enter. Of course, she didn't know that it was Thirteen; if she had then she may not have been so keen to let her in. Now though, Thirteen didn't care whether Cuddy was going to pretend to be busy or not. She had to tell her whilst she still had the guts to admit everything. This time tomorrow she would probably have chickened out, and so she had to do it whilst she was psyched up and prepared. At least that way she would know the consequences she was facing sooner rather than later.

Creaking the door open, Thirteen cautiously entered. She didn't say anything, not wanting to alert Cuddy to the fact that it was her who had entered. For a brief moment she wanted to see the impassive look on Cuddy's face, because she had a feeling that the only thing she would see in her eyes from now on would be hatred, bitterness, and upset. It tore her up to think that she wouldn't have the chance to spend the rest of her life happy and in love, because once this was over there would be no one else. She didn't deserve any more chances of happiness, and really; she didn't think she'd find it anyway.

She shut the door with a click, grabbing Cuddy's attention. She looked up, eyes widening as she saw that it was Thirteen. "What do you want?" she snapped.

"To talk," Thirteen said softly. "I'm ready to tell the truth."

Cuddy stared at her for a moment, remaining silent. She shook her head. "Not now."

"I can't hold this in any longer," Thirteen stated. "I'm sorry, but it has to be now."

Cuddy put down her pen, and seeming to make a quick decision; stood up. "Ok, now. But not here."

"Where then?" Thirteen asked. She would let Cuddy choose if she was dead set on it not being her office.

"Mine," Cuddy told her. "Considering what you're about to tell me I'm loathe to let you anywhere near the place but this has to be somewhere private, and I really don't feel like going near your apartment bearing in mind what's probably happened there."

Thirteen looked downcast, realising that Cuddy was referring to the fact she'd had sex with Cameron in her apartment. "Your place it is," she whispered.

For a second, it almost looked like there was pity in Cuddy's eyes. Sure that it was a trick of the light, Thirteen ignored it, didn't comment. Why would Cuddy pity her? This view was reinforced as Cuddy declared firmly, "Let's go," and after picking up her bag, stormed out of her office. Meekly, Thirteen followed, dreading what was going to happen more and more with each step she took. She kept telling herself that she deserved this; she was a liar and a cheat.

She was _no one_.

* * *

The journey to Cuddy's seemed to take forever; not helped by the fact that there was silence the entire way. Thirteen had gone to get into her own car, but Cuddy instructed her to get into the passenger seat of hers. She supposed that Cuddy didn't want to run the risk of her disappearing, having changed her mind in the short time it took to reach Cuddy's house. If Thirteen really thought about it there was a strong possibility that she may have done that, so she could hardly blame Cuddy. Besides, being next to her in the car was probably the closest she was ever going to get to Cuddy again, so she shouldn't complain.

Once they'd arrived at Cuddy's, she went straight into the living room without a word to Thirteen. Did that mean she wanted some time alone? Or did she just expect Thirteen to follow automatically? She debated this for a couple of minutes before deciding that she may as well go in and see for herself. It wasn't like she was achieving anything stood in the hallway on her own. Cautiously, she entered the living room to see Cuddy sat on the couch; hands fidgeting. Whenever she was nervous she could never keep still, and already Thirteen found herself feeling even worse for Cuddy; even though she hadn't yet told the truth.

"Are you ready?" Thirteen asked, apprehensive. She sat next to the other woman, wanting to reach out, but knowing that she shouldn't.

Cuddy turned to look at her. "Yeah," she sounded unsure.

Thirteen watched her carefully. She prayed that she wouldn't start crying because the moment she did Thirteen didn't know how she would be able to continue. "Ok," she said shakily. "The truth is that Cameron and..."

"Wait," Cuddy interrupted. "I don't think... I don't think I can listen to this," she held her head in her hands.

"But you said," Thirteen started to protest.

"I know what I said," Cuddy said, her voice muffled by her hands. "I can't though. I just can't listen. I know what you did, we both know that you've been seeing her too. But I don't need you confirm what I'm already thinking."

Thirteen took a deep breath. What was she supposed to say or do now? She hadn't seen this coming. "What do you want then?"

Cuddy raised her head, allowing Thirteen to look into her eyes, to see the pain in them. "To forget this ever happened. To pretend that everything is like before."

"But it's not," Thirteen said softly. She wished it could be the same but it wouldn't be. She deserved to be punished for this. "I messed up."

Cuddy gave a small laugh. "Yeah; you did. I'm not going to force you to stay. If you want Cameron; go. Please. Don't prolong this for me, just leave."

"No," Thirteen shook her head. "When I said I loved you, I wasn't lying," She took a risk and moved closer to Cuddy, taking hold of her hands. "That night that you told me you loved me for the first time. Do you remember?"

"Of course I do," Cuddy whispered. "It was the first time you said it to me too."

"Well after that night," Thirteen said slowly, wanting Cuddy to comprehend what she was saying. "I ended it with Cameron. I went to her a couple of days later, and I couldn't go through with it."

"You couldn't _fuck_ her, you mean?" Cuddy said bitterly. "And that makes it better how exactly? God, I told you I didn't want to talk about this!"

"We have to," Thirteen said firmly, knowing that there was no way of ignoring what had happened. She had to explain, make Cuddy see. "Look, since that night... I haven't have sex with her. I promise."

"But you've kissed her, right?" Cuddy blurted out. She might say that she didn't want to know anymore but Thirteen knew that deep down it would drive her crazy not to.

"Yes," Thirteen reluctantly admitted.

"And come close to having sex?" Cuddy fired off another question. "_Rough_ sex that you wanted from me the other night?"

"Yes, we came close. But I didn't have sex with you... like that because of Cameron. I meant what I said about feeling like I should be punished," Thirteen said truthfully. There was a little voice in her head that kept telling her to lie, to embellish the story so that it didn't sound as bad. She ignored it with all her heart and concentrated on giving Cuddy's the answers that she should. "Listen, with Cameron it was only ever sex. There was no intimacy involved at all."

Cuddy ignored Thirteen's last statement. "You came close to having sex, after I told you I loved you. How is that any better than having sex with her? If you'd cut off all ties completely, even if you'd just kissed her...maybe. You didn't. You still _wanted_ sex."

"No! I couldn't go through with it," Thirteen protested. "Every time she touched me I thought of you."

Cuddy pulled her hands away from Thirteen's. "If that's true, then why did you bother to cheat? Why not just be with me instead?"

Thirteen wasn't sure how to answer that. Cuddy made a valid point; why did she? Yes, it was true that she was scared, that being destructive was all she could think to do. But her reasons for being so destructive; well those she didn't know. It wasn't like she was tempted by the idea of being with Cameron, because whilst she was attracted to the blonde it wasn't an overwhelming urge that she was unable to resist. She didn't take pleasure (besides the obvious) in cheating on Cuddy and really, it had only served to cause her more misery. Nevertheless, relaying this Cuddy was pretty much impossible. It didn't make any sense in Thirteen's mind; let alone if she tried to say it aloud.

"You can't even answer me," Cuddy shook her head sadly.

"It's because I don't have an answer," Thirteen said quietly. "I wasn't really that attracted to her."

Cuddy looked at her with disbelief. "Remy, that doesn't even make sense."

"I know," Thirteen agreed. "Which basically makes me a total fucking idiot."

Despite the situation, Cuddy actually smiled at her words, though it wasn't exactly a happy one. "I'm not going to disagree with that."

Thirteen couldn't bring herself to return the smile. Instead she blurted out something that she'd been wondering. "I know you don't want to talk about this but do you think you could tell me how you knew?" When Cuddy looked confused she clarified, "About Cameron and I."

"Why; so you can hide it better next time?" Cuddy snapped bitterly.

"There will never be a next time," Thirteen spoke firmly. "I know you don't believe me but I swear on my life; I will never do this to you again."

"I guess I should start preparing your funeral then," Cuddy said dryly. Thirteen couldn't help but look hurt; even though she deserved it. Cuddy noticed this and backtracked, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"Doesn't matter," Thirteen said quietly.

Cuddy remained silent for a brief moment before speaking again. "To answer your question, it wasn't just one thing; it was several," Cuddy informed her shakily, though surprisingly calm. "The first thing was the way you reacted when House talked about Cameron in my office. I wouldn't have picked up on that but with the other stuff later on..." she cleared her throat. "Anyway I also heard her call you Remy. As well as a selfish bitch."

"She's right about one thing then," Thirteen said, still quiet.

"I'm not going to disagree," Cuddy responded. "And you called me Lisa in front of her, something that you're usually very careful about doing. You were panicked. That suggested that she knew we were together... which meant you knew her as more than just a colleague."

"I didn't even realise I did that," Thirteen's face creased up as she attempted to remember.

"Yeah I didn't think you did, I could tell by the look on your face," Cuddy continued. After the first few seconds you covered it up pretty well, but I could still see in your eyes that you were hiding something. Like when I joked about you having a relationship with her in my office and you looked completely shocked and fearful. God, I feel like such an idiot for not realising it sooner!"

Thirteen tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but it wouldn't go away. She didn't speak, allowing Cuddy to finish.

Cuddy sighed, composing herself. "So I knew something was up, I suspected, but I still wasn't a hundred percent sure. That's why I checked the patient records, only to discover that there was no twenty five year old male patient who'd suffered a heart attack so it wasn't that you were arguing over. For you to lie it had to be something personal that you were fighting about and like I said... all the little things added up to one answer."

Thirteen nodded. She'd known Cuddy was smart; she should have seen this coming.

"I didn't confront you because as silly as it sounds, I didn't want it to be true," Cuddy said croakily, voice now breaking. Thirteen was sure that any minute now the tears would begin.

"That's why you let me stay last night," Thirteen thought aloud.

"Yeah. I knew you'd betrayed me but I wanted one last night with you," Cuddy bit her lip, trying to compose herself.

"But now you want to forget it ever happened? Just go back to it being us?"

"I don't know what I want," Cuddy closed her eyes. "I change my mind from one minute to the next."

So there was still the possibility that they were over. Thirteen felt panic rise within her. "What can I do? What do you want me to do, right now?"

"Go," Cuddy instructed her, her voice apathetic. "I need some time to think on my own."

As much as Thirteen didn't want to leave her, she had to respect Cuddy's wishes. "Ok," she obliged.

With one last look back at Cuddy, Thirteen left. All she could do was pray to a God that she didn't believe in that she'd be given a second chance.

Please God.

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	13. Chapter 13

**I love the way everyone reacted in the reviews, it's always interesting to read other people's opinions. I have to be honest ladysmirnoff, I don't believe in second chances either. But this is a fic so anything goes; right? ;)**

**Guy, what I was trying to get across by Cuddy's reluctance to know details is that sometimes there's only so much pain you can take before enough is enough. And yeah, people do take back cheaters all the time which isn't always a good thing. Anyway, thanks for reviewing. :)**

**Just to let everyone know, there's going to be some flashbacks coming up soon. **

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Thirteen took a taxi home. After getting straight back to her apartment she didn't even contemplate phoning Cameron and inviting her over. Being with the other doctor was what had gotten her into this situation in the first place, and after everything that had happened sex was the last thing she wanted to be doing. She wished that she were back with Cuddy in her arms, kissing her, holding her. If she'd been allowed that was where she would be, repeatedly telling her beautiful girlfriend how sorry she was; but she had to honour Cuddy's wishes. There was still the slightest chance that Cuddy would take her back, and so Thirteen just had to be patient and wait for the decision to be made.

In some respects she didn't think Cuddy _should_ take her back. What she'd done was arguably unforgiveable. She hadn't even had the guts to admit it until she was faced with no other option. And as much as she wanted to go along with Cuddy's original idea and pretend that this whole affair never happened; it wasn't going to work. She deserved and needed to be punished for her cruel actions, and Cuddy was the only person who could carry out that punishment. Everything else came second in her view; she could lose her job and apartment tomorrow, and whilst she might care, she cared a hell of a lot more about losing the love of her life.

Surely she deserved to lose her though? Just say hypothetically speaking, that Cuddy forgave her. She would be overjoyed, happy. There would be a great deal for them to overcome as a couple, but eventually they got through it. Where was the suffering? Where was Thirteen's torment, anguish? It was literally non-existent. Oh sure, she'd tortured herself ever since she first had sex with Cameron, but she'd been able to put it to the back of her mind at times; especially when she was with Cuddy. So it wasn't _intense_, it wasn't _enough_. Metaphorically speaking, the pain had to be a huge blow in the stomach before Cuddy should take her back.

As she played this scenario out in her head, it was as if a light bulb flicked on.

Thirteen knew what she had to do.

* * *

Was this really the right choice? It wasn't too late; she could change her mind. There was still time as she hadn't yet opened her mouth. She could plaster a smile on her face, pretend that it was all going to be ok. It wouldn't be, but for the sake of Cuddy she could put on an act. An act was what she'd performed for most of their relationship anyway. Ever since she was a little girl she'd always been talented at fooling people, at not allowing them to see what she was really thinking, what she was really feeling. If she was going to go through with it; it was a talent that would serve her well now.

She was stood before Cuddy in her office. It was the morning after Thirteen had admitted to what she'd done and they'd talked about Cameron, their own relationship, and Cuddy had stated that she needed time before she decided what she wanted to do. Deciding there was no point in holding off, Thirteen spoke first. "I've come to tell you something."

Cuddy sighed. She looked tired, upset. The bags under her eyes revealed that she hadn't gotten any sleep last night, and the fact that she was wearing less makeup than usual indicated that she was too tired to care about her appearance. With an exhausted edge to her voice that she was trying to hide she said wearily, "Let me speak first."

Thirteen obliged. It was the least she could do.

"I thought about what I want," she began. "And I've decided that as hard as it's going to be to forgive and forget; I don't want this to be the end."

Thirteen nodded, her eyes revealing the pain she felt. Cuddy's decision made what she was o do shortly even harder.

"I love you, and I want to be with you," Cuddy opened up. "It's not going to be the same, but I think if we start again from the beginning and we both make an effort... then we can get through this."

Thirteen looked down at the floor. She wished Cuddy would stop speaking. With each word she spoke it made Thirteen feel sicker and sicker. She took a deep breath, tried to stay calm.

"I've never felt this way about anyone before," Cuddy confessed. "So... yeah. That's it."

Thirteen still couldn't bring herself to say the words she needed to. She carried on breathing deeply, not wanting to throw up all over the floor.

"Are you going to say anything?" Cuddy watched Thirteen hopefully, her expression revealing that she was waiting for Thirteen to agree.

"I can't," Thirteen said, almost inaudibly. Then, louder, "I _can't_."

"You can't what?" Cuddy prompted, confusion etched on her face.

"I've hurt you so badly," Thirteen attempted to explain. "I don't deserve you."

"You made a mistake," Cuddy said firmly as it dawned on her what Thirteen was thinking. "That doesn't mean we have to be over. We can get through this."

Thirteen shook her head vehemently. She needed to make Cuddy understand that she couldn't just move on from it, she needed something to make her suffer. "No. I can't. For so long I've acted like everything is ok but it isn't. I realise that now," She paused, psyching herself up for two little words. "It's over."

"What?" Cuddy's voice betrayed her shellshock; and her eyes widened as she truly comprehended Thirteen's words.

"Don't make me say it again," Thirteen said with a pleading edge. As much as this was hurting Cuddy; it hurt her too. The only difference was that Cuddy was innocent in this whole sordid mess whereas she deserved everything she got.

"After everything you've done to our relationship you're the one who's walking away?" Cuddy's voice got higher as her anger increased, and furious tears formed in her eyes. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"I'm sorry," Thirteen mumbled, wanting nothing more than to run out of the office and not stop until she was far far away. She wanted her lungs to hurt with every breath she took, for her heart to beat so fast that she thought she was going to die. Instead she felt like she couldn't breathe, like her heart was tearing into tiny little pieces.

"You're sorry," Cuddy laughed and sobbed at the same time, a mixture of emotions hitting her all at once. "Oh well that's alright then, as long as you're_ sorry_!"

Thirteen was struggling not to cry herself. "Lisa, I never meant to hurt you," she said earnestly. She stepped forwards, moving to brush Cuddy's cheeks dry.

"Don't touch me!" Cuddy yelled. Instinctively, without really thinking about what she was doing, she raised her right hand into the air and brought it down across Thirteen's face in a resounding slap. Thirteen stumbled backwards from the sheer force of it, and swaying on her feet she gazed at Cuddy in utter shock at her actions. Shakily, she lifted her own hand to touch her cheek, her skin burning beneath her palm.

Cuddy stood perfectly still, tears now freely flowing down her face. Her usually bright blue eyes were now a drained watery blue, hurt and pain emanating from them. Her arms were crossed over her front in a protective stance; almost as though she half expected Thirteen to retaliate. She wouldn't. She didn't want to because aside from the fact that she could never hurt Cuddy, she knew with every fibre of her being that she deserved a hell of a lot more than just a simple slap across the face. If Cuddy had chosen to give her a massive fuck off punch followed by a couple of broken ribs; she didn't think she'd care then. Part of her even _wanted_ Cuddy to go that far. But Thirteen realised it would never happen; Cuddy was too decent a person to even contemplate going to those lengths in physically hurting Thirteen. The slap had been an instant reaction to the situation; not something that she'd planned to do.

"Get out," Cuddy ordered, voice low.

"Lisa," Thirteen had so much she needed to say to Cuddy; to explain to her properly why they had to end.

"Don't you dare," Cuddy spat. "Don't ever call me that again. Now do as I said, Dr. Hadleyandget the _fuck_ out of my office."

There was no point in trying anymore; there was nothing left to say. Not really. Words were words, and no matter what she said they couldn't take back her actions, the decision she'd made. And so putting all her effort into holding back her tears, Thirteen did as was asked of her and left the office.

She had gotten her wish. It was _over._

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	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks for the feedback yet again, it's unbelievably awesome! It's nice to know that people are reading this and making valid points in the reviews. :)**

**Lois13 ... I'm impressed that I have a french reader, and I hope that this fic is easy for you to follow. :)**

**I'd like to say to you that Thirteen realises her behaviour is wrong in this part and fixes it... but then the story would be over! So the angst will continue but there's more twists and like I said before, flashbacks. Stuff that will hopefully help people to understand Thirteen's actions.**

* * *

She sat down in the office she shared with her fellows, numbly staring at the wall. None of her colleagues were there; it was just her and the empty space around her. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she didn't have to think. Her mind wouldn't let her thoughts process, and was repressing each and every memory of her relationship; protecting her from having to feel the pain and distress inside. Her cheekbone ached, a dull throbbing where she had been hit by her now former girlfriend, and in some ways the pain was keeping her sane. The constant, steady pulse of the bruise that was beginning to form reminded her that she was a human being; albeit an extremely broken one at this very moment in time.

When House walked in she didn't even notice at first. It wasn't until he deliberately dropped a file on the floor that she sharply turned her head in the direction of the noise, therefore noticing his presence. He observed her curiously for a few moments before he asked, "Which one of them hit you?"

"What?" Thirteen managed to croak out.

"Well it was either Cuddy or Cameron," he declared. "My money's on Cuddy. I say that because Cameron's the sort of girl who's more likely to snot all over your shoulder than show her feisty side and wallop you."

Thirteen sniffed, blinking back the tears she refused to let fall. She had to stay numb. She liked numb; it was good.

"She dumped you with style, I'll give her that," he added, trying to provoke a reaction out of Thirteen.

"I finished with her," Thirteen said quietly, correcting him. "It was for the best."

"So you do have feelings for Cameron?" He asked nosily. It was evident to Thirteen that he didn't care how she felt, but he wanted the latest gossip to share with Wilson.

"No. But after what I've done... I don't deserve Cuddy," she shared, not really knowing why but doing so all the same.

"Excuse me?" House sounded incredulous. "You're punishing yourself by ending your relationship?"

"That's about right," Thirteen replied dryly.

House rolled his eyes. "You're an even bigger idiot than I thought you were. If you want to punish yourself then go drink yourself stupid in a bar or play noughts and crosses on your wrists. Do _something_ that's going to have an actual effect on you."

"_This_ has an effect on me," Thirteen snapped. "This is the only thing that is going to make me realise I can't go around hurting those I love."

"Yet that's exactly what you're doing," House told her. "You've just broken Cuddy's heart."

Thirteen didn't reply, wishing he would shut up.

"Now, I might not know much about your relationship, but I do know that these past few months Cuddy has been somewhere in the region of happy. I did wonder why that was but now it's clear. _You_ made her happy. This means that I've successfully been able to half my clinic hours and avoid various seminars and fundraisers." He paused. "You've just taken all that away from me."

"You think I care?!" Thirteen yelled, finally letting the anger she felt towards House, Cameron, the world, take over. "I've just lost the love of my life, and yes I might have been the cause and person to end our relationship but she deserves better than me! And right now I'm doing everything I can to hold it together, but you're making it unbelievably difficult!"

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it then!" House shouted back, frustrated by the fact he'd become some sort of weird agony uncle. His face showed nothing but annoyance and disdain for Thirteen and the stupidity of her actions.

"Like what?!" Thirteen exclaimed.

"I don't know," House held up his hands. "I don't really care. But if you leave things as they are you'll regret it; I'm telling you," he swallowed a couple of Vicodin, casually throwing them into his mouth. "And stop asking me for advice. If you want that I suggest Wilson; he's good at that sort of thing."

"Fine," Thirteen huffed, brushing her hair behind her ears.

"Take the rest of the day off," House instructed.

"Excuse me?" Thirteen was taken aback.

"You heard. Get out of here," he barked.

"Why?" Thirteen didn't understand. Was she being fired? That was all she needed on top of everything else; it would be the icing on top of the cake.

"Because you're no use to me in this state. Go home; think about what you want to do. In fact, take the rest of the week off," he rethought his offer.

"What are you going to tell the others?" Thirteen asked.

"You're sick. It's pretty much the truth anyway; you have to have something wrong with you to cheat on Cuddy," he said irritably.

Thirteen nodded, accepting his proposal. If she were honest she could really do with the time to clear her head and try and figure out what her next move was going to be. It was all well and good ending things with Cuddy now; but would she really want this in a few days' time? She might regret her hasty decision when she hadn't seen Cuddy for a while and truly realised what her choice meant. Of course, Cuddy may not want to take her back after everything even if she did change her mind, but for the moment, Thirteen didn't allow herself to think that far ahead.

Swinging her bag over her shoulder, she left for home.

* * *

When she saw the red flashing light on her answering machine, she couldn't help but grin wryly, despite the situation. She'd been gone what; fifteen minutes? Maybe a patient had been admitted and House had changed his mind? She doubted it was anyone else, after all. She threw her bag onto the couch and strode over to the machine, pressing the play button.

"_It's me. If you're there then pick up. I promise that you'll want to hear this..."_

Not House. Cameron apparently.

"_Ok Remy, I have no idea what you've said to Cuddy but she's in a really bad way. I went to Wilson's office to see him about a patient just now and I went in without knocking. Cuddy was there... she was crying on his shoulder and I'm talking real crying, like hysterical. When she saw me she didn't say anything, she just turned away so I left and... well now I'm ringing you. And you're probably wondering why but the way I see it someone in this whole mess should be happy, and if it can't be me then I want it to be you. Anyway I... I hope you're ok. Call me if you want to talk."_

Now _that_ was the Cameron that everyone talked about. The selfless, caring person who always put others before herself. She didn't have to ring Thirteen and tell her anything, but she did. It was obvious that she wasn't getting anything out of it, she was only trying to assist Thirteen. She was fairly certain that Cameron didn't realise they'd broken up or even if she did, had no idea that Thirteen was the one to instigate it despite Cuddy's wishes. For a moment Thirteen considered ringing her straight back, before she decided that she'd leave it, wait until this evening to see if anything else happened in the meantime.

As ridiculous as it sounded, all Thirteen wanted to do was to sleep, or at least attempt to. Slouched over, she entered her bedroom and fell on top of the covers, not even having the energy to get inside. She looked at the empty pillow next to her, and it reminded her of what she'd had; what she'd given up. Sharply, she took in a breath, thinking it would help her to get rid of the lump in her throat that was weighing her down. The lump that represented her mistakes, the problems she'd had, the problems she had yet to face.

It didn't.

And so for the first time in as long as she could remember; she allowed herself to cry. There was no holding the tears back or plastering a fake smile on her face, no Oscar winning performance for a part that she had never wanted to play in the first place. Great heart wrenching sobs racked her body as she struggled to breathe and to stop herself from hating the person that she'd become. She cried for Cameron, she cried for herself, she cried for Cuddy. Somewhere along the way she'd turned into some sort of monster who came into people's lives under the pretence of making them happy; only to rip them to pieces.

How to sort this she didn't know. The only thing she was very much aware of at that particular time was the disgust she had for herself. She knew she had to rid herself of that but she honestly had no idea how she was going to achieve that.

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	15. Chapter 15

**Vanamo... Cameron really was just trying to help Thirteen, but you're right, it is making her feel worse. **

**Grangergirl22... sorry to say that it takes her a while longer to pull it together.**

**Thanks for the wick reviews as always everyone. You guys rock my world! 3.**

**The italics in this part are flashbacks.**

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For the rest of the week Thirteen remained at home in bed, unable to face leaving her apartment. Aside from getting up to go and grab something to eat from the kitchen once or twice a day (her appetite was close to zero) and showering each morning, she remained wrapped up in her duvet, alternating between crying and zoning out with the television on. She supposed that were she to go to a doctor they would diagnose her with depression; she most certainly wasn't behaving normally. But at the same time she felt that she deserved to feel the way she did. Her only concern was for the upset she'd caused Cuddy, and no matter how much she wanted to be with her right now, or even to pick up the phone and call her so that she could hear her voice; she had to restrain herself.

It helped to focus on the memories, remembering exactly how it had been at the start. How happy and content she'd been with Cuddy before she'd fucked it all up and began cheating on her for absolutely no reason at all.

**

_It had been a long day; longer than the average shift. They'd cured their patient, but as usual there was paperwork to be done; and as usual, Thirteen was left to do it. Taub has muttered something about going for a meal with his wife and Kutner had stated he had "stuff to do" that evidently meant he was playing on his Xbox360 with a takeaway, yet again. She really needed to learn to say no to them; it was only fair that they did the work some of the time, or at least once in a while. Normally it didn't bother her, but when she was already tired and irritable, it didn't exactly improve her mood._

_Thirteen liked to get the paperwork done straight away whilst the details were still fresh in her mind. That way she could leave it on Cuddy's desk for her to look over (House sure as hell wouldn't be bothering) and then make any changes if they were needed. Unfortunately, she'd been so frustrated by her fellow colleagues leaving all the work to her this evening that it had taken her twice as long to complete. It was now nearing midnight, and though she had finally finished, she was sure that she was in for a serious lecture with the amount of mistakes she'd made in her notes._

_Her bag slung over her shoulder, Thirteen half stumbled in the direction of Cuddy's office. She wanted nothing more than to be at home in bed so she could get some sleep before her next shift started. In all honesty she could do with a day off, but there was no chance of House letting her have one without booking it in advance; everyone knew he wasn't that sort of person. It seemed that Thirteen would have to make do with the little time she would get resting... if she ever managed to leave the hospital. Time always seemed to drag when it was late at night, when the corridors were empty and the only busy areas of the hospital were those where emergencies were happening. _

_Before she knew it, Thirteen reached Cuddy's office. Unexpectedly there was a light shining through the door, and curious, Thirteen peered through the half open blinds. Her boss, Dr. Lisa Cuddy, was sitting at her desk, head bent over a file with a frown on her face, evidently trying to make sense of what she was reading. Thirteen wondered if it was something House had left for her, or it was merely another member of her medical staff with the typically awful doctor's handwriting. Alone with no front that she was putting on for the benefit of her employees she looked beautifully vulnerable. Yes, she always looked attractive, but when she showed the human side of her there was something about her that made Thirteen's heart melt. _

_As if sensing that there was someone watching her Cuddy stopped, looked up from her paperwork. Jerking her eyes away from the window, Thirteen paused and knocked on the door, heart now hammering. What if Cuddy had seen her staring? _

"_Come in," Cuddy called out, sounding unsure. _

_Thirteen breathed a sigh of relief. Obviously she hadn't seen her at the window, and had just sensed there was someone outside her office. Curling her hand around the doorknob, Thirteen obeyed Cuddy's slightly nervous command. She slowly walked into the office, letting the door shut behind her, and held out the paperwork to Cuddy._

"_House's paperwork for our latest patient," she said tiredly. The moment Cuddy took it she turned, ready to leave._

"_Wait," Cuddy said softly. _

_Thirteen turned back around, eyes wide but struggling to stay open. "Is there something wrong?"_

"_What? No," Cuddy denied. "Why would there be something wrong?"_

_In her exhausted state, Thirteen didn't think about having respect for the boss and she told the truth. "There's usually something wrong when you want to talk to me." She saw the shock on Cuddy's face at her words. Regretting her answer straight away, she apologised, "I'm sorry. I had no right to say that." _

_She wasn't making it up; Cuddy usually did berate her for something or another whenever they interacted. Most of the time it was House related, but on occasion it was for something as mundane as Thirteen being late or not wearing her lab coat when she was in the clinic. These were crimes that House committed on a daily basis, but then he was the misanthropic genius and she was merely one of his underlings. The rules that he chose to disregard were up to him, but she didn't have the privilege to do the same. Maybe if she was ever lucky enough to have his reputation then she would; but right now? No way._

_Cuddy stood on the spot, an intense look on her face as she waved a hand to indicate that she wasn't troubled by Thirteen's words. A concerned tone to her voice, she asked, "Dr. Hadley, is everything ok?"_

"_S'fine," Thirteen mumbled, rubbing her eyes. She was so very very tired. _

"_Are you sure?" Cuddy wore a caring expression on her face, and she swiftly moved to the other side of her desk towards Thirteen. _

"_Yeah," Thirteen took a deep breath, feeling herself beginning to sway. God, this was so embarrassing. If she passed out..._

"_Come and sit down," she heard Cuddy say._

_Obeying, she allowed Cuddy to lead her over to the couch, where she slumped, immediately feeling better now that she wasn't wasting what little energy she had on standing up._

_Cuddy pressed her hand to Thirteen's forehead. Thirteen couldn't help but take a sharp intake of breath as the other woman touched her. "You're burning up. Are you feeling ok?"_

"_Fine. I'm just tired," Thirteen assured her. She really was just sleepy. Forcing her eyes to open, she stated, "I need to get home."_

"_Whoa... hang on," Cuddy commanded, ever the boss. "You're not planning on driving home in this state are you?"_

"_It'll be ok; I don't live far," Thirteen told her. _

"_I don't care. For you to drive like this is far too dangerous," Cuddy held out a hand to Thirteen, pulling her up. "Come on; I'll take you."_

_Thirteen didn't refuse._

**

Smiling, Thirteen remembered exactly how much of an idiot she'd felt. She guessed that in all the years of Cuddy being Dean of Medicine she had never had an employee nearly pass out in her office. The only thing she could be glad for was the fact that she hadn't actually lost consciousness; a small mercy. A couple of months into their relationship Cuddy had brought it up one night when Thirteen had started falling asleep on the couch, her head lolling onto Cuddy's shoulder. Cuddy had remarked on the similarities of Thirteen's actions to the first night they'd spent together, just cuddling, holding one another.

**

_Before she knew it they'd arrived outside her apartment. The journey had been completed in silence, with neither woman knowing what to say to the other, and Thirteen resting her head against the window; eyes shut. Upon the car engine stopping, Thirteen lifted her head; the ten minutes with her eyes closed having served to make her feel a little more alert than before. Smiling, Thirteen thanked her boss. "I appreciate the lift. It was... nice of you to offer."_

_Cuddy returned the smile. "See, I'm not all bad; am I?"_

_Thirteen felt her cheeks flush at Cuddy's words. "I'm sorry about earlier. I really didn't mean to..."_

"_It's ok," Cuddy interrupted. "We all get that way sometimes, and working closely with House isn't easy."_

"_Still," Thirteen countered. "I shouldn't have spoke to you like that." Without really thinking about her actions, she placed a hand on Cuddy's, which was resting in her lap._

_Surprisingly, Cuddy didn't pull away. Instead, she gazed in Thirteen's direction, a somewhat anxious expression on her face. It was then that Thirteen felt Cuddy's hand tremble beneath her own, and she blurted out in astonishment, "Do I make you nervous?"_

"_No," Cuddy denied, though she looked away as she spoke. She pulled her hand from underneath Thirteen's. "I think you should go now, Dr. Hadley."_

_Thirteen realised in that moment that Cuddy might actually have the smallest of crushes on her. Unable to stop herself from grinning; she decided to take a chance. If Cuddy threatened to fire her then she could always say she was so tired that she didn't know what she was doing. Right? Moving her hand, Thirteen raised it up to Cuddy's face, gently turning her head so that once again she was facing Thirteen's direction. Cuddy didn't try to resist; something that Thirteen chose to read as a good sign that meant she could continue. Using her other hand, she clicked her seatbelt free, and she shuffled in Cuddy's direction._

"_Dr. Hadley," Cuddy protested as she realised what Thirteen was going to attempt to do. _

_Undeterred, Thirteen didn't wait to see what she would say next. She clashed her lips against Cuddy's immediately enjoying the softness and warmth of Cuddy's mouth. Her boss gasped at the contact and taking her opportunity, Thirteen slid her tongue inside Cuddy's mouth, jolts of desire travelling down her body as she did so. What could only have been seconds later, Cuddy began to reciprocate; clutching at Thirteen's waist and thrusting their bodies together. It seemed Thirteen had read the signals correctly, and she wasn't going to be refused by the Dean. Pulling away for a moment, she invited in a low voice, "Come upstairs."_

_Cuddy immediately looked hesitant. "I don't think I should. I mean I've done this with a woman before but... I..."_

"_It's ok," Thirteen reassured her. "We don't have to do anything. Promise."_

_Cuddy still looked unsure. "You're my employee, and a one night stand isn't a good idea."_

"_Like I said; we don't have to do anything. And even if we did... who says it has to be a one night stand?" Thirteen raised her eyebrows. Sliding out of her side of the car, she opened the driver's door to allow Cuddy out; if she wanted to._

_Much to her delight, Cuddy followed. And true to her word, Thirteen hadn't attempted to press Cuddy into anything she wasn't ready for. She'd led her to the bedroom, made out with her on the bed fully clothed for what was no longer than ten minutes. Eventually, Cuddy had looked at her watch and stated that Thirteen should get some rest considering what had happened earlier on. Thirteen had agreed, and telling Cuddy she was welcome to stay with no strings attached if she wanted to, stripped down to her vest and girl boxers for bed. When she'd got back from brushing her teeth it was a nice surprise for Thirteen to find Cuddy still there, curled up under the duvet. _

"_I hope you don't mind me wearing this," Cuddy gestured towards Thirteen's man-sized shirt that she'd put on. "Suits aren't exactly made for sleeping in."_

"_It's fine," Thirteen smiled knowing that ordinarily she would mind, but somehow not caring this time. She had shoved that thought to the back of her mind to process later on. "You look really sexy in it, actually."_

_And that was the first time she'd heard Cuddy laugh. Really laugh. A deep, throaty chuckle that made Thirteen want to kiss her over and over again._

_So she did._

**

Though it was only a few months, that seemed like so long ago. Thirteen longed for that moment once again, just to be able to relive it with the emotions she was feeling, the happiness, and not going to bed alone for what felt like the thousandth time that year. Whenever she had brought someone back home with her she may not have been on her own; but that didn't stop the lonely feeling inside that never seemed to disappear, no matter how many people she was with. That horrible emptiness that she'd never been able to fill until Cuddy.

That very same feeling that she was experience once again.

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	16. Chapter 16

**I do try my best to update frequently, especially as I'll be going away for a month soon and won't have net access. **

**Thanks again for all the reviews. I'm glad people are starting to feel sorry for Thirteen! ****Vanamo... There's still quite a few parts to go so it isn't ending yet, don't worry. And I don't want to give the ending away but hopefully most of you will like it. :)) **

**There are more flashbacks in this part too, though I should warn all the Cameron haters that she features heavily as she is the center of this flashback. **

**The next part will continue with the story, but I wanted to explain how Thirteen came to cheat, hence the flashback.**

* * *

Of course, the good memories weren't all she had; there were bad ones too. Though she supposed she couldn't really define the first time she cheated on Cuddy with Cameron as a bad memory since it was a choice that _she_ made with no encouragement from others. Well, Cameron obviously but then she could have said no and walked away; she didn't have to respond to her. To this day she didn't know why she hadn't refused; it didn't make sense. She hadn't fought with Cuddy, she was just feeling a little neglected and second best to the hospital, which she knew wasn't fair. They weren't married or even in a long-term relationship; so she'd had no right to feel that way.

Despite Thirteen putting her head underneath her pillow in an attempt to stop herself from reliving the memory in her head, it didn't work. The recollection came flying fast and furious inside her brain, almost as vivid as when it had happened that fateful day. Thirteen realised that there was no point in trying to push it to the back of her mind, she may as well replay it and get it over and done with. Maybe then she would be able to do something other than stare into space or cry like a baby. Hell, she might even summon up the courage to actually leave her apartment.

**

_It had been another long shift for Thirteen but even longer for her girlfriend. Cuddy was still at the hospital sorting out yet another mess that House had created; this one in the form of insulting a couple of the hospital's biggest donors simply because he, "Didn't like their faces." Asshole. Having nothing to do when Cuddy was at work as she had no really good friends that she could call on the spur of the moment, Thirteen decided to have a couple of drinks alone in a nearby bar. That way she could kill some time and call her girlfriend for a lift on her way home. Perfect._

_She really had planned to drink alone, but when the blonde ER doctor that used to be in the very same position as herself slid into the booth opposite her, she couldn't exactly tell her to go away. If she was as rude as House she would have, but she wasn't and so she watched her curiously, wondering where this was heading. She supposed that she was going to find out if she waited long enough, but she'd be damned if she was going to be the one to speak first. A kind of warped version of "Speak only when you're spoken to" rule that she'd never been bothered about in her whole life._

"_Hi," Cameron flashed her a pearly white smile._

"_Hi," Thirteen replied._

"_So uh... I don't mean to sound cliché, but do you come here often?" Cameron continued, grinning straight in Thirteen's direction._

_Was she being hit on? Thirteen couldn't tell. Her gaydar had never been up to scratch; she usually discovered the next morning how straight a woman was depending on whether they freaked out after waking up next to her. Moreover, she'd already had a glass of double vodka and coke which always impaired her judgement after only a few sips. Combines, these reasons mean that Thirteen chose to play it safe and give it time before she called Cameron on what exactly she was doing here. "No," She replied, her voice with no tone, her face a blank canvas._

"_Really?" Cameron wrinkled her nose. "You seem like the type to go out a lot."_

"_Oh," Thirteen stated monotone, still watching the woman opposite her._

_Cameron took a sip of her white wine. "You don't say a lot," she offered._

"_What do you want me to say?" Thirteen asked. Now she was intrigued. Cameron appeared to not only want to keep her company, but to draw conversation out of her as well. If she wasn't flirting then she definitely had an ulterior motive._

"_What's your name? Aside from Thirteen, obviously," Cameron returned Thirteen's question with a question of her own._

_This drew a smile out of Thirteen. It was funny, really. She'd worked at the hospital for a while and people still only knew her as Thirteen, despite the name badge. Those around her knew her surname to be Hadley, but as for Remy, only her team, House (and therefore Wilson) and Cuddy were in the loop where that was concerned._

"_Remy," Thirteen told her. _

"_But... you don't like that?" Cameron pressed for more information._

"_I don't mind it. But House has always called me Thirteen so it kind of stuck," Thirteen shrugged her shoulders. "You ask a lot of questions," she observed._

"_Yeah," Cameron agreed with a wry smile. "House used to hate it."_

"_I can imagine a lot of people would find it annoying," Thirteen said thoughtfully._

"_Do you?" Cameron said, the corners of her mouth turned upwards._

_Thirteen downed the rest of her drink. "A little. But if you buy me another drink I'll probably be able to cope with it a lot better."_

_With a Cheshire cat smile on her face; Cameron obliged._

**

Six weeks. Six weeks of being faithful before she'd managed to fuck it all up with one night. One night that became two, three, until she stopped counting and started trying to block her terrible actions out of her own head. The more times that she cheated the harder she found it to behave normally around Cuddy; but even when she tried to stop, she found that it was impossible. To be fair to herself Cameron did do most of the chasing, but then she was never forced to do anything she didn't want to do, so she couldn't blame Cameron entirely. She had freewill; something that she continually had to remind herself of.

In splitting up with Cuddy she'd done exactly what she never intended to do and caused her immense hurt. The knowledge that Cuddy would have taken her back anyway was something that she hadn't thought she'd face, she had been willing to bet her life on Cuddy telling her to go to hell and never even trying to forgive her. But Cuddy's wish for them to remain a couple had confused her to the point where she didn't know what to do anymore. Above all else; how could she punish herself when her punishment was only increasing the pain of the woman she loved?

**

_Half an hour later and Thirteen had lost count of how many drinks she'd downed. She vaguely recalled doing shots with Cameron; seven in total to represent the colours of the rainbow. Strawberry, orange, lemon, apple, blueberry, raspberry and... what was the last? Cola maybe? Fuck knows. All she knew was that she had won having finished drinking them in the fastest amount of time. To Cameron's credit she hadn't been far behind; five seconds at most. Anyway, the point was that she was completely out of it, barely able to stand up._

"_I think... we should stop now," she slurred, blinking in Cameron's direction. The figure before her swayed back and forth, reminding her of a tree in the wind._

"_Mmmm," the other woman agreed, just as drunk as she was. "Shall we get a taxi?"_

"_Yeah," Thirteen slid out of the booth, swayed on her feet for a few moments. Grinning in Cameron's direction, she held out a skinny arm, pulling her companion into her arms by mistake. She'd only meant to help her stand up. Really; she had._

"_Ooops!" Cameron giggled, grabbing onto Thirteen's waist in an attempt to steady herself. Not thinking at all clearly, Thirteen didn't stop her, kind of enjoying the feeling of warmth on her bare skin where her top had ridden up. _

"_Let's go," Thirteen commanded, drunkenly leading Cameron out of the bar. Both women wore huge smiles upon their faces, their drunken state preventing them from having a care in the world. _

_Thirteen didn't even notice the vibrating of her phone in her pocket, her girlfriend calling to see if she needed a lift home. In fact, she didn't even spare Cuddy a second thought._

**

That was what she hated herself for the most. She behaved in the way that a single college girl would, not a responsible grown up adult in what was fast becoming a serious relationship. The memory made her feel sick with herself, with the guilt that she had lived with for what felt like forever. The guilt from lying to Cuddy had now been replaced with the guilt of destroying their relationship, which made it worse if anything. That night she had been focused on Cameron, and Cameron only. She adamantly told herself that if she'd remembered Cuddy then she would have stopped immediately, but then she'd repeatedly cheated, so she couldn't even be sure of that. She couldn't be sure of anything anymore.

Things had been bad enough when she stumbled out of the bar with Cameron, but allowing her to come back to her own apartment and holding her hand as they tumbled into the lift together was even more despicable. Reciprocating when Cameron had slammed her into wall of the cool metal box and smashed their lips together... thrusting her hips against Cameron's... tugging her through the front door the moment she managed to open it... stripping Cameron of her clothes still desperately clawing at her... throwing Cameron onto the bed... digging her nails into Cameron's bare back...

Screaming screaming screaming...

Vomiting. Her head thrust over the toilet, she threw up what little food was inside her stomach, and when she was done, she cried for what she'd had; what she'd lost.

What she wanted back.

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	17. Chapter 17

**Thanks again for the reviews! :)**

**I am literally freaking out because I want to keep the updates as regular as possible even though I'm busy. Will do my best. Sigh.**

**There's also a link in my profile (not allowed here) to a house femslash fic-a-thon I'm running with lauriestein over at lj. All instructions and rules are there. :) We would think it rather sexy if people took part, we've had tons of prompts already! ;)**

* * *

By the time it was Monday again Thirteen looked even worse than before. Sure, the bruise that had formed on her face from where Cuddy had slapped her was no longer visible, but she had purple bags under her eyes despite the fact that she'd spent the last few days in bed, and she'd easily lost a few pounds that she couldn't afford to lose in the first place. Though a shower had improved her general appearance helped by the very same foundation and concealer she'd used to cover her love bite what seemed like a lifetime ago, there was a sadness in her eyes that no amount of cover-up could hide.

Though she didn't particularly like looking like crap, she didn't much care either. Her only concern was fixing this horrendous mess that she'd created, and even if she wasn't sure how to go about doing that yet, it was obvious that avoiding Cuddy was the last thing she should be doing. It was plain to see that she had to talk to her, but what she was going to say; she had no idea. When she was face to face with Cuddy she hoped it would become clear, and so there was no point debating in her mind how she was going to deal with this.

However, one person that she'd hoped to avoid for the moment was House; who sadly, followed her into the lift the moment she walked through the doors of the hospital. Great, she was stuck alone in a small space with him of all people.

"Dear God," he looked at her in horror. "The entire reason I gave you the week off was so you could sort yourself out. You look like some sort of glorified crack addict."

Thirteen chose to ignore him.

"At least Cuddy hides it better than you," he continued.

Her head whipped towards House at the mention of Cuddy's name. "How is she doing?" Thirteen asked tentatively.

"What do you care?" He snapped, his protective side showing through.

"Of course I care," Thirteen said quietly. "I never meant to hurt her."

"Well you should have thought about that before you started banging Cameron. You could have at least chosen someone Cuddy liked," he sniped.

Thirteen opened her mouth to retort when the lift stopped. The moment the doors opened she saw her chance to escape. Unfortunately, though he was slower, House still attempted to follow. "Hey, we're not done! I'll give you some of my amazing advice that you _love_ if you just... slow down!"

"Back off!" Thirteen shrieked, turning to face him. Then realising where she was, she lowered her voice. "I don't need your advice. Now, I'm going to drop my things off and then go and speak to Cuddy. Don't even think about following me."

"You do realise I could fire you? R-E-S-P-E-C-T for the boss; young lady," he said sarcastically.

"If you fire me then you'll destroy Cuddy," Thirteen informed him. "You said it yourself House; she's been happy these past few months. I need to make her happy again. She's happy, I'm happy, you're happy. Right?"

House jerked his head in something of a nod. Taking this as his blessing, Thirteen hurriedly dumped her things and ran off to speak to Cuddy.

* * *

In her complete and utter rush to reach Cuddy's office, Thirteen collided with Wilson, knocking the files he was holding out of his hand. Apologetically she said, "God, I'm so sorry."

"It's fine," Wilson replied, scooping up his papers.

Bending down to help him, Thirteen couldn't help but remember what Cameron had told her about Cuddy crying on his shoulder. She couldn't be sure how much he knew; Cuddy may even have told a complete lie and told him she was just having a bad day. But then there was the fact that... what had Cameron said? She was crying hysterically. You don't react in that manner just because you've had a bad day. A drama queen might, but Cuddy was far more likely to play something down that make a big deal out of it. So she must have revealed _something_ to him...

Deciding to try and find out what Wilson knew, Thirteen asked him quietly, "Have you seen Cuddy?"

Wilson looked up at her sharply. "Why?"

"I just..." Thirteen paused. She had to word this carefully. "Wondered how she was," she finished pathetically.

"Leave her alone," Wilson warned.

Wow. She wasn't expecting that. Not giving up, she exclaimed, "Excuse me?"

"You heard," Wilson stood, having collected his notes from the floor. "I don't know how you know that I know about you two, but I'm telling you to stay away from her. Cuddy's my friend, and I don't want to see her hurt."

Thirteen raised her eyebrows. "Go to hell." She tried to push past him, but Wilson grabbed her arm.

"I mean it," Wilson said firmly. "You've broken her, Thirteen. Just stay away and let me put her back together again."

"Oh don't be an idiot," Thirteen snapped. "You can't fix what I've done; only I can do that. I need to talk to her. I'm not going to ask for her hand in marriage, I just want to make sure she's ok for myself."

Without waiting, Thirteen strode away. She was going to speak to Cuddy whether Wilson liked it or not.

* * *

Thirteen's luck was in. Cuddy was in her office alone, facing away from the door and looking through the filing cabinet, evidently searching for something. Preparing herself for what she was about to do, Thirteen took a deep breath. She held the doorknob in her hands for a few seconds before turning it, though she didn't knock. If she knocked then Cuddy would immediately turn and see it was her standing there through the crack in the open blinds, and she wanted to get into the office and shut the door before Cuddy saw her, in case she started yelling at her without really thinking straight.

"Lisa," She stated as she closed the door. Cuddy jumped at the sound of her voice, but she didn't turn around. "Don't say anything; just let me speak."

Cuddy remained silent, either through shock or because she was obeying Thirteen's command. Whatever the reason, Thirteen took her chance.

"I just... I don't want this to be a fight, ok? I wanted to talk to you but the truth is I have no idea why. I guess I just need to know how you are? If you're... if you're going to be ok?" Thirteen asked pathetically. This wasn't as easy as she'd thought it would be. She was under the impression that the moment she lay eyes on Cuddy she would magically know what to say. Apparently not.

"I'm fine," Cuddy said, no emotion in her voice. "I don't want to fight either, so can you go please, Dr. Hadley?"

"Don't," Thirteen stated. "Don't start with the Dr. Hadley again." She walked towards Cuddy, stopping a meter or so away from her.

"Ok. Can you go please?" Cuddy repeated, still trying to keep the emotion out of her voice, but it now slightly showing through her facade.

"Let's talk," Thirteen said softly. "I know this is work and you don't want to do it here but can we meet later? We can go for a coffee at lunchtime."

"No," Cuddy refused, still with her back to Thirteen.

"Lisa, please," Thirteen begged. She stepped towards Cuddy. "I know you're angry with me; I'm angry with myself. I don't know how to fix this. Tell me what I have to do."

"You can't fix it," Cuddy said, voice broken. "Some things are too damaged to fix."

"That's bullshit," Thirteen refused her words. "I fucked up, I know that. And I know I deserve to be punished. That's why I ended it when you wanted to try again. But babe; listen. I want to do whatever you want me to do, and I know that you don't really want this to be the end."

"It's for the best," Cuddy whispered, Thirteen barely hearing her.

"We were good together, weren't we?" Thirteen tried to draw _something _out of Cuddy.

"That's debateable," Cuddy responded.

"Wh... what do you mean?" Thirteen frowned. She'd been sure that Cuddy had been happy in their relationship, it was only the revelation that she'd cheated that turned things sour.

"I was happy," Cuddy's use of the past tense didn't go unnoticed by Thirteen. "_You_ weren't. Obviously."

It dawned on Thirteen what Cuddy was getting at. "No," she denied. "Please don't think that I wasn't happy. When I was with you it was the only time that I was happy. When Cameron..."

"Don't even say her name," Cuddy interrupted, her voice shaking slightly as she did so . "I don't care, Remy. I don't care, I don't want to know, I don't give a..."

"Shhh," It was Thirteen's turn to interrupt, though she did so gently. She moved behind Cuddy, arms circling around her waist. Fuck the chance of someone seeing them, she couldn't care less right now. "I love you, and I always will," She pressed a gentle kiss to Cuddy's neck. "I'm going to go now, like you asked. But I promise you that whenever you change your mind, whenever you feel ready to handle this; I'll be there. I'm not going to date anyone else; you got that? Not Cameron, not anybody except you. Right?"

Cuddy let out what sounded like a quiet sob. Thirteen couldn't see her face but she was sure that there were tears pouring down it. "Don't cry. Please don't cry, Lise," Thirteen pressed her face to Cuddy's, feeling wetness against her cheek.

"Just go," Cuddy pleaded, rubbing her eyes with a shaking hand. She moved away from Thirteen, pressing her head against the filing cabinet.

"I'm going," Thirteen stepped away. "I love you, Lisa." She watched as Cuddy scrunched her eyes shut, wrapped her arms around her own shaking body.

Thirteen wished that she could stay until Cuddy composed herself, but she knew that she was the entire reason Cuddy couldn't become calm. Reluctantly, knowing that there was nothing more she could say at the moment, Thirteen finally obeyed Cuddy's wishes. She would give Cuddy time, and hope that eventually, she would come back to her.

**

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	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you soo much for all the reviews again! I did want to reply to the comments as usual but I'm in a bit of a rush and I wanted to get this up. I really want to finish this story in the next couple of weeks before I go away, and I'm going to do my best to do that.**

* * *

After seeing Cuddy the only word Thirteen could use to describe how she was feeling at that very moment in time was emotional. She spent ten minutes crying in the ladies' locker room, hidden in the corner where no one entering would be able to see her. Luckily, no one did come in and so Thirteen was able to cry in peace. In a strange sort of way it did help; she felt like she'd let some of the emotions she was feeling out and was no longer bottling them up. What had happened still hurt more than ever, but she felt more able to act herself than she had before she'd let the tears run down her face. Considering her constant crying hadn't previously done anything for her she found this surprising, but at least she felt a little better.

She barely knew what was going on that morning. They had another patient but Thirteen wasn't really listening to the details, she just threw in an idea that she thought sounded relevant every now and again. She put up with Kutner's incessant questioning of her, asking if she was ok, did she still feel unwell, did she want a glass of water? It was driving her insane, and though she tried to be polite, any minute now she was going to have a complete freak out. At least Foreman and Taub had the decency to leave her alone; either that or they sensed just how close to the edge she really was.

It was around noon that everything got a whole lot worse. She hadn't thought that was possible but for some reason God was determined to drive her into the very depths of despair with absolutely no let up. Lucky her.

Up until now, Thirteen had been extremely impressed by House's handling of the situation. He didn't appear to have said anything to Cuddy, and she was sure that had he said anything to the team then they would have mentioned it by now. House had behaved himself; a rare occurrence that Thirteen hadn't thought achievable. It was a miracle in itself if House managed to keep his mouth shut for a full five minutes, let alone for several days. And really, Thirteen should have known that it was too good to be true; House just wasn't the kind of guy to think of others before himself.

"I need to talk to you," Cameron stormed into diagnostics, tears pouring down her face. "Alone!"

At first Thirteen thought she was being spoken to, but then she followed Cameron's eye line to see that it was focused on House. She panicked herself, but fortunately, her fellow team members understood this to be the same bewilderment they wore on their own faces.

"Kinda busy right now..." House drawled.

"I don't care!" Cameron yelled, completely hysterical. She turned to the others. "Get out!"

Her position within the hospital being higher than Taub and Kutner, both looked like frightened rabbits and scurried off. Foreman merely sat still and replied, "You don't get to tell me what to do."

"No, but I do," House snapped. "Do as she says. Get out."

It seemed House didn't want Foreman to be witness to the slaughtering he was about to get. However, Foreman wasn't giving up easily. "What about her?" he gestured towards Thirteen.

"She isn't your concern," he waved away Foreman's statement. "Now leave!"

With an extremely pissed off look on his face, Foreman did as was asked of him. Thirteen remained still, not able to move. Cameron was also motionless, but stood in an angry stance, fists clenched. She looked like she was about to smack House, who for his part had moved away from her, and shut the door.

"As much as I like my soaps, I have no desire to star in one," he announced. "C'mon, let's get this over with."

"How could you?!" Cameron shouted. "Why would you do that to me?!"

"Lower your voice a few decibels," he said condescendingly. "You're hurting my ears."

"What has he done?" Thirteen interjected from her seat at the table.

"He... he told Chase," Cameron was now openly crying. "About us."

"What? Why would you do that?!" Thirteen exclaimed, jumping to her feet.

"Hang on a second, let me explain," House looked from one angry woman to the other. "I overheard Chase saying to one of his buddies about how he wasn't getting any lately, so I waited until Tom, or is it Harry? Anyway I waited until he went and I told Chase he needed to get in touch with his feminine side. Obviously he had no idea what I meant so I told him to ask you for advice," he jerked his head in Thirteen's direction. "That was all I said."

"He's not an idiot, House!" Cameron sobbed. "He put two and two together, and when he asked me I... he could see from the look on my face."

Thirteen couldn't believe what she was hearing. "House... why would you do that?" She repeated.

"Oh for God's sake!" House cried out. "Do you really need me to answer that? I'm _me_," He huffed loudly. "I hardly think that either of you are in a position to judge!"

"Spare the self-righteous lecture, House. We've established that what happened between Cameron and I was a mistake," Thirteen said in a low voice, trying to keep the situation under some semblance of control. "You should apologise."

"Ha! No way," House refused.

"Forget it; Remy," Cameron said in a shaky voice. "I don't care even if he is sorry; it doesn't take back what he's done." She sniffed, stepping backwards towards the door. "I'm going to try and talk to Chase."

"Why bother?" House scoffed. "You obviously don't love him."

"How I feel about Chase is none of your goddamn business!" Cameron yelled. Her eyes flitted to Thirteen briefly before she exited.

"I think she's mad at me," House said thoughtfully, scratching his stubble and looking up at the ceiling.

"House..." Thirteen said, exasperated by him. "What you did was awful."

"Yeah yeah, I kinda got that from blondie just now. I don't need another rant from you," he snapped.

Thirteen shook her head. "Can you blame her? You've probably just ruined her relationship!"

"What do you care?" House shot at her.

"Would you have done the same thing to Cuddy?" Thirteen ignored him. "I mean, would you have gone to her and hinted about Cameron and I had you known before she found out?"

House shrugged.

"I'd like to think you wouldn't have," Thirteen told him. "Because as much as you won't admit it; you care about Cuddy. It isn't just because you apparently benefit from our relationship, you wouldn't want the guilt of upsetting her..."

House opened his mouth to interrupt, but Thirteen held up a hand to indicate he should stay quiet. "I know that you'll say otherwise; but don't bother because I won't believe you. Now I know you don't like Chase, and for whatever reason you have it in for Cameron, but you should do the right thing and apologise. At the very least it'll stop her from hating you as much as she does at the moment," Thirteen finished.

House watched her carefully for a few moments. "Why does it matter to you so much?"

Thirteen frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?" She was confused by House's reaction, under the impression that he would have laughed at her words.

"Why does how Cameron's feeling matter to you if you don't care about her?" He rephrased his question.

"I have never said I didn't care about her," Thirteen denied. "I said that I don't have feelings for her. There's a difference."

House nodded. "Ok, I can buy that," he replied, then going back to simply watching Thirteen.

Suddenly, Thirteen remembered that she'd never spoken to Cuddy about House knowing. Taking the opportunity, she asked, "Does Cuddy know that you know about us yet?"

House nodded once again. "Yeah."

Thirteen bit her lip. "You weren't horrible to her; were you?"

"No. In fact, you might say I cheered her up," House revealed.

"What?" Thirteen asked in confusion.

"I just cracked a few jokes... told her Cameron's funbags would never measure up to hers. That she had the best ass in the whole state, that sorta thing," he informed her. "I dragged a smile out of her at least."

"Good," Thirteen nodded. So Cuddy could still smile. That was_ something_, she supposed. Bringing the issue of Chase finding out into the conversation again she continued, "You going to apologise to Cameron?"

"Yep," House said, upbeat.

"You're not going to argue with me about it?" Thirteen asked him, suspicious.

"Nope," House answered, hobbling over to the door. "Catch you later!"

Thirteen couldn't be sure, but through the glass she thought she saw a somewhat guilty expression on House's face as he walked down the corridor. Maybe what she'd said to him did have an effect, after all.

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	19. Chapter 19

**As requested, this chapter has Cuddy in it. It also has House, Chase, Thirteen... no Cameron so all those who aren't a fan should find this part appealing. ;)**

**Thanks for the ongoing support from those who review time and time again, it really does mean a lot to me and it's you guys that actually inspire/remind me to keep the updates regular in my busy schedule.**

**Oh and I agree with what a few of you have said, Thirteen/Cuddy fics are so the best, though it has to be said that I heart Cameron/Cuddy too!**

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Despite the break that she'd had from work the past few days; Thirteen was unbelievably ecstatic when the end of her shift arrived. It had been yet another terrible day that had felt more like the length of a year than just nine or so hours. She didn't have anything to look forward to going home, that was true, but at least she would be able to sit down and try to think of ways to sort out her life, her relationship. There were many options available to her, but it was a case of thinking carefully and making the right choice. At the same time she had to bear in mind the fact that it wasn't entirely up to her; what Cuddy wanted was the crucial part she had to wait and find out.

Except her journey home was apparently not going to run smoothly.

"Hey!" Thirteen heard a shout from behind her. A male voice that she couldn't quite place. She stopped.

Shit. It was Chase, and he looked extremely furious, which was understandable considering the situation. Not even checking with a glance to make sure there wasn't anyone around, Thirteen opened her mouth to speak first. "Chase..."

She was cut off with an angry, "Don't. Don't bother with your pathetic excuses!"

"I wasn't going to make an excuse; I was going to apologise," Thirteen told him. "I'm sorry."

Chase laughed, though the situation was anything but humorous. "Sorry that you did it or sorry that you got caught?"

"Chase, it's over. We ended things before you found out," Thirteen informed him, under the impression this information would placate him.

Instead, she managed to do the opposite. Chase was further enraged. "You think I give a damn?!" He moved closer to Thirteen, towering over her. "Who ended it?"

"I... what?" Thirteen was thrown by the question.

"I said," Chase was still talking loudly and standing tall, intimidating her. "Who ended it?"

"What does that matter?" Thirteen said shakily.

"It matters because I want to know if my girlfriend finished things!" He yelled.

"I..." For a brief moment Thirteen was tempted to lie. But then what if he questioned Cameron and she told the truth? "I ended it," she said firmly.

Chase clenched his fist, shut his eyes. He was obviously devastated by the news. "She wanted to carry on?"

"No," Thirteen shook her head. There was only so much she was going to admit to him. "We parted on good terms and... I know she's in bits over the idea of losing you."

Chase opened his eyes, looked directly at Thirteen. "How do you know that?"

"If she didn't care then she wouldn't feel bad about you finding out. Now I don't know what she's said but I'm guessing that she's cried and begged for you to forgive her?" Thirteen took a wild guess at how she thought Cameron would react to the situation.

The moment Chase lowered his head, Thirteen knew she was correct.

"She cares about you... she just made a mistake," Thirteen said, softer.

"More than once," Chase spat bitterly.

"Don't let this ruin your relationship," Thirteen told him. "Don't let it ruin all the good times you've had together."

Thirteen was well aware that her words struck a chord when considering her own relationship. She'd been given another chance, something that Cuddy was good enough to give her despite being perfectly entitled to tell her exactly where to go. And once again, she'd fucked it up. She should have welcomed Cuddy into her arms and promised her that she would never hurt her again. It was definitely a promise that she wouldn't struggle to keep. Considering the hurt she'd caused for the sake of an affair based on nothing but sex; it just wasn't worth it. So the next time, if indeed there was a next time that Cuddy wanted to take her back; she wouldn't hesitate to say yes.

"Do me a favour," Chase said, a warning tone to his voice. "Stay away from _my _girlfriend."

Thirteen nodded. "Yeah. I will."

"Good," Chase said curtly, as he strode past her without looking back.

Thirteen let out a sigh of relief. She hoped for Cameron's sake that Chase chose to forgive her. She might not be in love with Cameron but as she'd already admitted, she did care about her. Part of her wished that instead of taking Cameron back to her apartment and fucking her that first night, she'd merely hugged her goodbye and made plans to meet up again. If she hadn't been so brainless, if she hadn't let herself feel stupidly neglected by Cuddy who couldn't help needing to work, then she might have ended up having Cameron as a best friend rather than a lover. After everything that happened there was no chance of that; something that made her extremely sad. She'd lost her love, and she'd lost the best friend that she'd never had.

She struggled to stop herself from crying. Frustrated, she wiped away the tears that had began to seep from her eyes, and tried to compose herself. Crying yet again wasn't going to solve anything; she had to be strong. She had no right to whinge and moan, she was the one who had caused all the pain, all the hurt. She'd already had Cuddy and Cameron in tears over her, and she herself completely breaking down was certainly not going to be of benefit to this mess. It would be ok, somehow things would work themselves out. And if Cuddy didn't want her back then she would have to shut up, accept it, and do her best to move on.

Except she'd just noticed Cuddy standing in her view, watching. Her stance made it clear that she'd just heard the confrontation between Thirteen and Chase. She was stood still, eyes wide, a painful expression on her face. House stood beside her, to Thirteen's shock with a hand placed on her shoulder in a comforting gesture. There was something almost like sympathy in his eyes; probably for Cuddy, but maybe a little for Thirteen too. It wasn't in his nature, Thirteen knew that, but there was no doubt in her mind that on occasion, House could actually act like a halfway decent human being.

Thirteen opened her mouth to talk to Cuddy, walking towards her, but stopped just meters away the moment she saw Cuddy intended to speak. Her ex-girlfriend stated in a pleading tone, "Please Remy... just... don't come near me."

Ignoring the tear that had escaped down her cheek, Thirteen nodded, her heart breaking. She wanted nothing more than to sweep Cuddy into her arms and never let go of her. "Are you mad at me for letting House find out about us?"

"No. You've done worse than that," Cuddy said quietly, looking down at the floor. "That's the last thing I care about right now."

"Especially when I've been so supportive, huh?" House said in a booming voice. "C'mon Cuddles, let's get you home."

"What? Why are you taking her home?" Thirteen couldn't stop the jealousy feeling that flared inside at House's words.

"What is it the youngsters say these days? Chillax, man," House said in his "cool" voice. "Cuddy's car is in for a service so I'm giving her a lift. Wilson was going to do it but he has a dying cancer patient or something, so he's paying me to be chauffeur." He saluted Thirteen.

"I could take you," Thirteen offered. "I promise I won't say a word."

"Except... you always break your promises; don't you?" Cuddy said sadly.

"So let me prove to you that I can keep them. C'mon Lise, it's just one car ride." Thirteen tried to persuade her.

"No. And if you meant what you said earlier about giving me time then you'll accept that," Cuddy said in as firm a voice as she could muster.

"Fine," Thirteen nodded. "If you want House to take you, I'm ok with that."

Cuddy stared at her in disbelief. "How dare you?! _"You're ok with it" _I don't give a damn whether you're ok with it or not; you don't have any right to say what I can and can't do!"

Thirteen protested, "Lisa, that's not what I meant, I..."

"We're going, House," Cuddy interrupted. House's hand, which had been on her shoulder for the entire conversation was grabbed by her as she led him towards his own car.

Childishly, House turned back around to look at Thirteen as he was pulled away, and he stuck his tongue out at her. In a petulant, annoyed move of her own, Thirteen gave him the V sign, and stormed off in the direction of her own car. She had no right to be mad at Cuddy; and she wasn't. No, she was mad at House for getting so involved in the situation and in her mind, for driving them further apart. It was as if he had feelings for Cuddy and now that she was single again he was going to move in and take the opportunity whilst he could. If that were to happen there was nothing in Thirteen's power that she could do to change things, but it didn't make it any easier for her. In fact, if House and Cuddy were to become an item then there was no doubt about it; she would resign. There was no way she could face going into work every day seeing House, knowing that he had what she had been foolish enough to give away.

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	20. Chapter 20

**Your comments are lovely. :) Really, there's nothing like having a bad day and then having awesome reviews to read! :)**

**I love the guesses as to what is going to happen next. **

**Sorry for the Chase torture. I do actually like his character but he wasn't exactly going to be happy about his girlfriend cheating on him, was he? :P**

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The next week dragged by in a haze, Thirteen barely aware of what was happening around her. She'd had to endure question after question from Foreman, Taub and Kutner who wanted to know why Cameron had been so mad at House, and what was going on. Luckily they'd given up after a couple of days, and it seemed that the details of her affair with Cameron had been kept between the only people who currently knew; House, Wilson, Cuddy, Chase, and obviously Cameron and herself. Likewise, her relationship, or lack thereof with Cuddy was also secret, with that being known about by all of the above except Chase. Well, Cameron may have told him, but somehow Thirteen doubted so. She was sure that by now he would have confronted her about cheating on her own partner if that were the case.

By the time Monday had once again rolled around, Thirteen was beginning to get used to being alone. She now fully recognised herself to be single; though that didn't mean she was on the prowl for a new partner. What she'd said to Cuddy about waiting for her was true, she fully intended on giving her the time to make a decision. However, House's constant presence around the other woman was seriously irritating her, and on more than one occasion she had to bite her tongue to stop herself from saying something to him. If she brought it up she knew that it would only encourage him further, and that might mean that Cuddy took his flirtatiousness as the real thing. That in turn would lead to her falling into his arms or House rejecting her when she made a move, thereby upsetting her even further.

So basically; Thirteen kept her mouth shut.

Several times during her clinic duty she glanced through the window of Cuddy's office. It was almost unbearable, seeing her from a distance but unable to go near her. She hadn't even gone near Diagnostics to shout at House. He had been on his best behaviour; which Thirteen had a funny feeling was supposed to annoy her. There was no way he would do his job just because he didn't want to infuriate Cuddy. He definitely had an ulterior motive, and as far as Thirteen was concerned that was the only reason. She knew that there was a possibility of him doing it to work his way closer to Cuddy; but she tried not to think about that. It hurt too much.

She really was beautiful, Thirteen found herself thinking. It was fairly warm today, and so Cuddy had chosen to wear a slim black dress and no doubt, a pair of her killer heels as usual, though Thirteen couldn't see from her vantage point. Her hair fell around her face as she leant over a file, and she wore a look of intense concentration. Thirteen wished that she would look up and make eye contact, enable her to see how she was feeling today. Since their confrontation in the car park the previous week, Thirteen hadn't been able to catch her eye; Cuddy intently ignoring her. However, there had been times, usually when Cuddy was undertaking clinic duty, that she watched from a distance and saw that Cuddy stared into space, a pain in her eyes that was only readable to those who looked close enough.

Close like Thirteen _used_ to be.

Waiting for Cuddy to approach, if she ever did, was killing her. There was this horrible powerlessness that seemed to have overcome her, and she hated the idea that this might go on for another six months or longer. She was almost certain that Cuddy would eventually speak to her, but whether that would be to tell her to never come near her again or not, Thirteen had no way of knowing. What she did know was that she had to make sure Cuddy knew that she still thought about her all the time, that she wasn't just ignoring this. For a long time she debated what she could possibly do; and then the simplest of suggestions came to her.

_Flowers._

It was a cliché, of course. What other option was there though? It wasn't like she could go out and purchase a mini-break for the two of them. Underwear was a very bad idea considering the circumstances, and clothes were something that Cuddy liked to pick out herself. So really, she had limited options. Jewellery was a possibility... maybe she'd go for that after the flowers. Evidently she couldn't buy her way out of the situation but Cuddy didn't want any contact from her, so leaving her gifts was pretty much the only thing she could do. It wasn't like she had to state they were from her; Cuddy would have the intelligence to realise that without a message.

Looking up the number of a local florist, Thirteen went outside to order them from her cell phone where she wouldn't be overheard. She knew that Cuddy adored white lilies, and so she asked for the most expensive arrangement and to make sure that they were included. It set her back three hundred dollars but she couldn't have cared less; Cuddy was worth a hell of a lot more to her than that. She did debate having the message read as "Sorry" but decided that she would have to stick to the no contact request. Gifts were technically a form of contact, she supposed, but she doubted that Cuddy would actually yell at her for sending flowers.

Once she'd finished ordering, she headed back to diagnostics to get on with some work. Cuddy would receive her gift at around two o'clock that afternoon meaning that Thirteen still had some time to kill. She planned to be there when the flowers were delivered; not actually inside Cuddy's office but hovering outside where Cuddy couldn't see her. It was kind of stupid, but she wanted to see Cuddy's reaction, maybe even see a smile on her face. It had been too long since she'd seen Cuddy anywhere close to happy, and so observing her would hopefully be well worth it.

* * *

For the next three hours or so Thirteen couldn't keep still. When Kutner picked up on it she informed him that she was just restless and wished that they had a patient to diagnose. He didn't dispute her answer; there was a great deal of sitting around involved when working for House, and they'd all been bored at one time or another. Thirteen had planned to go down to the clinic just before two o'clock in case the flowers were delivered early. She could feign writing notes so that she didn't have to actually see any patients, and then when Cuddy has received the flowers she would start treating them.

"Why don't you go to the ER if you're bored?" Taub suggested as Thirteen paced around the room once again.

"I think I'll pass," Thirteen replied, ignoring the snicker from House in the corner. "I'm going to the clinic in a bit. Unless anyone has any brighter suggestions?"

Taub shook his head, and Kutner piped up, "Nope. Sorry."

Thirteen faked a sigh. She had no intention of going anywhere but the clinic, but she didn't want House to be suspicious of her. The last thing she need was him intercepting the flowers or distracting her when she was trying to watch Cuddy. "Well I guess it's the clinic then," she said as she checked her watch. Ten to two. Close enough; she may as well go now. "I'll see you later guys."

She took a slow walk to the clinic to waste some time. It was silly but her stomach was in knots with nerves. It wasn't like anything was going to happen; she was just desperate to see Cuddy's reaction. There was a chance she would cry; something which Thirteen crossed her fingers wouldn't happen. She didn't want to upset her, she wanted for Cuddy to know that she still cared. When it came down to it, if Cuddy did cry then Thirteen wouldn't be able to stop herself from going in there; she would have to explain why she'd sent them and that she never intended to upset her.

* * *

The clinic wasn't too busy, making it easy for Thirteen to stand at the counter without doing anything and being yelled at by the nurse on duty. She could see from her position a clear view into Cuddy's office, the blinds fortunately left open. Cuddy was on the phone, to who Thirteen obviously didn't know, but it looked formal. So as not to attract attention to herself Thirteen could only sneak glances up every few seconds, because if she kept her eyes trained on Cuddy then someone would be bound to pick up on it. If House decided to make an appearance then he wouldn't hesitate to mock and further wind her up.

The minutes dragged by slowly, but at around five past two Thirteen saw the flowers being brought in. There were snickers from the nurses beside her as they immediately started gossiping, everyone wondering who had bought their Dean of Medicine the beautiful bouquet of flowers. Even from a distance Thirteen could see that they were definitely worth the money; well presented and simply stunning to look at. She was glad she'd paid for the most expensive arrangement; she had wanted to make a statement after all. She couldn't stop herself from smiling, and prayed to God that they would have the same effect on Cuddy.

At first Cuddy looked stunned at the man who entered her office holding the flowers. Thirteen watched her bring a hand up to her chest and say something, in seeming disbelief. The man placed the arrangement on her desk, spoke briefly to Cuddy, and left with a smile on his face. Thirteen was tempted to run up and ask him what Cuddy had said, but she knew that it would be far too suspicious for her to do that. She could run after him and ask him once he was outside, but she wanted to stay and find out what Cuddy did next. Unable to move, she observed Cuddy inspect the flowers with a smile on her face, evidently looking for the message that wasn't there. Eventually, Cuddy realised this and she frowned, looking confused.

Surely she realised they were from Thirteen? Who else could they be from? Unless...

No way. Thirteen watched as House hobbled into Cuddy's office, and unable to stop herself she followed, pausing outside the door. She glanced around to see if anyone was still watching, but now that the flowers had been delivered everyone had begun to go about their normal business. That was good, it meant that she could wait outside the door without drawing too much attention to herself. Cuddy's secretary wasn't at her desk, and Thirteen hoped she wouldn't be for the next few minutes at least, enabling her to listen to what House said. She positioned herself directly between the door and window so that the wall shielded most of her body. There was every chance that Cuddy would spot her, but it was worth the risk.

"Sexy flowers," House announced to Cuddy, moving to stand next to her.

She smiled, laughing slightly. "Yeah."

"So... you like them?" House asked curiously.

"Thank you," Cuddy hugged him, placed a kiss on his cheek.

She thought _House_ sent them? Why would she think that? Thirteen felt the jealousy burn inside as Cuddy and House made contact with each other. It should be her that Cuddy was thanking, holding. Not _him._

"Umm, what?" House asked as Cuddy pulled away.

"For being a friend and... for the flowers," Cuddy explained, still smiling. "I thought that after what happened on Friday you'd not want to be anywhere near me."

Friday? What the fuck happened on Friday? Thirteen didn't know how much more she could bear to hear, but at the same time she couldn't take her eyes away from the two of them.

"Cuddy, I didn't get you those flowers," House said slowly. "And as for Friday..." He cleared his throat and screeched in a high pitched voice, "You_ loved_ it!"

"Will you keep your voice down?" Cuddy hissed at him, smacking his torso.

Thirteen thought she was going to be sick. It didn't take a genius to work out what Cuddy meant; she'd had sex with House. Obviously Thirteen's suspicions had been correct in the first place, and House had been vying for her ex. Her chest tightened and she felt like she couldn't breathe. When Cuddy found out about Cameron this must have been exactly how she felt; probably worse. Technically Cuddy was single and entitled to haves sex with whoever she wanted to, and Thirteen had no right to judge her for it. It seemed that she had found a new love interest in the form of House, and there was nothing that Thirteen could do about it. The only thing she did know was that right now; she couldn't listen to anymore of this. She didn't need to know details, the images her own mind was currently creating were more than enough to deal with. She had to get out of here.

Except now there were two pairs of eyes watching her. Suffocating under their gaze, with one last stricken look in Cuddy's direction, she turned and ran.

**

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	21. Chapter 21

**As usual I would like to thank the reviewers. :) You guys are so nice that I make the effort to update often, so you only have yourselves to thank for that! **

**I'm not giving away what happened with House and Cuddy, you will find out all in the next part. ;) I'm glad that people are actually starting to feel sorry for Thirteen... it's about time she got a little sympathy, hehe.**

**There are 25 parts of this in total, so it's nearing the final part now. I just hope you all like the way it will be ending!**

* * *

There was no way she could go back to Diagnostics, and so she did the only thing she could think to do. After a brief trip to the locker room to get her keys, Thirteen took a detour through the ER to go home. She didn't want to be intercepted by going the quickest usual way, and the last place that anyone would try to find her would be the ER. She would not allow herself to cry until she was alone in her own apartment, and so she bit down on the inside of her cheek, trying to keep her emotions in check. The taste of blood calmed her, the pain releasing endorphins that she didn't even know she had. Keeping her head down she walked hastily, trying not to attract attention to herself.

"Remy?"

Cameron was behind her, and it sounded like she knew there was something wrong.

"Remy, wait!" Cameron called again.

"I'm not supposed to talk to you," Thirteen replied hurrying on, not giving a damn who heard her. "Chase said."

"Chase is in surgery. Just wait!" Cameron exclaimed, catching Thirteen up and grabbing hold of her arm.

"I have to go," Thirteen shook Cameron off. "Please leave me alone."

"What's wrong?" Cameron ignored her. "You can talk to me."

"I can't; not right now. Please don't push it," Thirteen said, voice breaking. As she left the ER entrance she broke into a run in order to make it across the car park in the shortest possible time. Only when she was inside her car, door locked, did she allow herself to breathe. Shakily, she put the key in the ignition and backed out of her space, putting her foot down the minute she was free of it. The moment that she was out of the hospital grounds and in the queue of traffic to go home she felt the knots in her stomach loosen, knowing House was well away from her direct vicinity. She broke every speed limit to get back to her apartment; and it seemed that for once luck was on her side as she didn't get caught. After parking, she ignored the stairs and took the lift up to her floor, focused only on locking herself away. What was only minutes but felt more like hours later, she threw herself onto her bed, and finally let the tears fall.

* * *

How could she have let this happen? Ultimately, it all led back to her. She was the one who had made a move on Cuddy, she was the one who had cheated on her with Cameron, she was the one who had gotten caught and she was the one who had ended things with Cuddy. Fair enough, Cuddy had slept with House with no input from Thirteen, but considering the fact Thirteen had treated her like shit she was more than justified in sleeping with whoever she damn well wanted to. It wasn't Cuddy that Thirteen was mad at; it was House for giving her _friendly_ advice when he was blatantly only out to get Cuddy for himself all along. It made her blood boil.

There was only one thing that was certain in Thirteen's mind at the moment, and that was that she could never go back to work. She knew she was under contract, that it meant a bad reference, but she didn't care. It wasn't like she would get a decent reference anyway considering the fact she'd cheated on her bosses' boss; someone who her actual boss apparently wanted to have sex with. Which was another thing that really griped her. House wasn't going to whisk Cuddy off her feet like a fairytale; he was a miserable drug addict who fed from those around him. He would treat Cuddy like crap and one day probably end up cheating on her the way that Thirteen had. Except when he did he wouldn't think about the consequences, he would just move on without a care in the word. Thirteen felt like the world's biggest idiot for believing that somewhere deep inside he actually thought about other people. His looking out for Cuddy was purely for self-gratification.

When her cell phone started to ring, Thirteen looked at the caller ID through bleary eyes. Cameron. Deciding that there was no harm in answering; she did so. "Hey," she said in a croaky voice.

"Are you ok?" Cameron asked immediately.

"Peachy," Thirteen replied sarcastically.

"Remy, what's wrong? You looked like you were about to pass out earlier," Cameron sounded worried, something Thirteen felt guilt about.

"You don't wanna know," she stated.

"I do," Cameron said firmly. Then, more softly, "I'm alone; ok? I've got all the time in the world to listen now, or I could come over if you like?"

"No; don't come over. I promised Chase I'd stay away from you, remember?" Thirteen told her. "Look I'll tell you, hell, I need to tell someone. But no one must know; not even Chase."

"I'm not supposed to be talking to you so I'll hardly tell him will I?" Cameron reiterated Thirteen's earlier point. "You have my word."

Thirteen paused, barely able to speak the words. "Cuddy... Lisa... she slept with House."

"What? How do you know?!" Cameron exclaimed.

Thirteen proceeded to relay what she'd heard. She detailed everything from her ordering the flowers to exactly what House and Cuddy said to each other and the way they said it. In a strange way it was therapeutic, she almost liked not bottling it up inside. She was so used to it that she'd thought it the best thing to do no matter what the situation, but actually talking to Cameron made her feel so much better. It was yet another sign that Cameron would have been an amazing best friend; it was in her nature to think of others.

"So neither specifically said they had sex?" Cameron replied when Thirteen finished talking. "I admit it sounds like something happened, but it might have just been a kiss."

"You didn't see the look on her face," Thirteen refuted Cameron's point. "I can read Lisa like a book and there's no doubt in my mind that they had sex," she sighed.

"Your mind might be playing tricks on you," Cameron suggested.

"Maybe. But I don't think so," Thirteen was stubborn, and she was sure she was right.

"You should ask her," Cameron stated. "You're going to drive yourself insane otherwise."

"No way," Thirteen vehemently disagreed with Cameron. "I have no right to; we're over. If she wants to move on then it's up to her."

"You don't really believe that do you?" Cameron asked softly. "You still love her, and she still loves you."

"How do you know that?" Thirteen seriously doubted Cameron's words.

"You told me she loved you, and I know that a lot has happened since then but you can't just switch off your feelings for someone. It's probably why Chase hasn't ended our relationship," Cameron informed her.

"So you are still together then?" Thirteen was briefly drawn away from the subject of Cuddy and House.

"Yeah, just about. I mean it's awkward, _really_ awkward. But we decided to give it another go. He's actually reacted better than I thought he would; it's almost as if he blames himself. He bought me flowers too, yesterday," Cameron paused. "Whether it's going to work or not..." Cameron's voice trailed off.

"How's it going to work if you don't love him?" Thirteen didn't want to argue with Cameron; but she couldn't stop herself from asking the question. By Cameron's own admission she didn't love him, and so it wasn't as if Thirteen was assuming anything.

"I guess... I'll have to try. I care about him. He's good looking. He treats me well. And most importantly; he loves me," Cameron said, almost as though she were trying to convince herself.

"Fair enough," Thirteen tried to sound upbeat. It wasn't her place to judge Cameron; she was a grown woman who was perfectly capable of making her own decisions. "So you and I... you're ok about everything?"

"I have to be," Cameron said quietly. "And in some ways... Chase banning me from seeing you is probably a good thing. It'll make it easier."

"So why are you calling?" Thirteen didn't understand.

"I still care, Remy," Cameron spoke in almost a whisper, Thirteen struggling to hear her. "If I see you hurt or upset I can't just stand back and watch without doing something."

Thirteen nodded, eyes shut. She knew Cameron couldn't see her, but more than ever she wished they were face to face so she could show her gratitude in person. As that wasn't possible, she would have to make do with words. "You're so amazing; you know that? And right now... I know it probably doesn't mean anything to you but I wish to God that I loved you the way I love Lisa."

"No you don't," Cameron contradicted Thirteen. "If you loved me then this situation would be even more of a mess."

"I meant loved you instead of Lisa," Thirteen clarified. "Maybe I shouldn't say that but if I was in love with you then Chase would be hurt, sure... but Lisa and I would never have been together and things wouldn't be as crazy as they are now."

"Life doesn't always go the way you want it to," Cameron said her voice stronger now.

"Yeah. House is a prime example of that," Thirteen agreed. "Doubt he ever wanted to be a limping bastard."

"No. Just a bastard without the limp," Cameron said dryly. "Though he did apologise in his own weird way for what he said to Chase."

"That's good," Thirteen said, happy that House had listened to _something_ she'd said right before jumping into bed with her girlfriend.

"Look umm... I'm glad you're ok, and I don't mean to be abrupt, but I need to go now," Cameron said awkwardly.

"It's ok, I understand. Bye Allison," Thirteen said warmly. She could tell that the conversation was hurting Cameron, and so she didn't push it.

"That's the first time you've called me by my name," Cameron's voice was laced with sadness. "Thank you. And... I'll see you."

"No problem," Thirteen told her, "See you."

Feeling better to have spoken to Cameron, Thirteen ended the call. Trying not to think too much about House and Cuddy, she wrapped herself up in the duvet, and lay still until she fell asleep.

**

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Still hating Cameron? Come on... she's nice in this part. Right? :P


	22. Chapter 22

**Feels a little weird to be so near the end of this fic, it feels like I've been posting forever! But I hate the idea of it dragging on, so it's best that it ends when people are still interested.**

**JustHuddy... your Cameron hate amuses me. I used to seriously dislike the character too, but Season 4 onwards has changed my opinion of her. **

**Apedosmil... I have to be honest, I haven't actually been in a situation like this. I have done some crappy things in relationships that I'm not proud of but never what Thirteen has done to Cuddy. So... yeah. For you to think that is quite a compliment to my writing though! :) I did write "Fading Addiction" which was based on personal experience and I found that very hard going so it's not something that I often do.**

**Seems like most people do want a Cuddy/Thirteen ending... ;)**

* * *

A few hours later Thirteen awoke, and she had a few blissful seconds of peace before she once again remembered everything that had happened. She was currently torn between wanting to strangle House and yell at Cuddy, despite it not being her fault. Though she still wasn't mad at Cuddy; she couldn't help but want to scream and shout at her until she felt guilt. That was a hateful thing to want, but then it wasn't like she could control her thoughts. As long as she didn't actually do it there wouldn't be a problem. Really, the only thing she actually _intended_ to do was type her resignation letter citing "personal reasons" as an excuse, and then without completing her notice period; up and leave.

She didn't know where she was going to go; she only knew that she wouldn't leave a forwarding address. References weren't important, she'd figure something out. She wasn't even sure if she was going to continue working in medicine, there were so many other career paths open to her! She could consider teaching, or do something entirely different and... move to California to become a lifeguard. She had no responsibilities and so long as she could pay the bills it didn't matter what she did. Fortunately, she had a decent amount of money saved in the bank, which meant she could easily afford to lie around for a few months whilst she decided.

Climbing out of bed, she located her laptop in the living room and switched it on. She wanted to draft the resignation letter whilst she was in a determined mood. It was just gone five in the afternoon which meant that her colleagues would be finishing up right now unless a patient had come in between her fleeing the hospital and now, which wasn't likely. House had probably spent the entire day following Cuddy around and worming his way into her life even more than he had already managed to. Thirteen hoped that Cuddy wouldn't let him get away with it, but hope and reality were two very different things.

For the next hour, Thirteen steadily made progress on her resignation letter. It was harder than she thought it would be, trying to word it without giving away too many details. Obviously Cuddy would read it and so she didn't want to say anything that would rile her ex or cause her to become upset. She couldn't give a shit what House thought, he was the least of her concerns. In fact, he was pretty much the entire reason for the resignation; without him getting involved there may have been a chance that Cuddy forgave her. But no, as usual he had to make everyone around him just as miserable as himself.

Thirteen was just finishing up when she heard a knock on her door. She frowned. Someone must have let whoever was outside her door into the building, because her buzzer hadn't gone. She remained still, intending to ignore it until they went away. As quietly as she possibly could she stood up from the couch and tiptoed to the door so that her visitor wasn't alerted to her presence inside. She had a horrible feeling that it was House, in which case there was no way on earth she was going to open the door. Eventually he would get bored and go away.

Except the knocking didn't stop and the person outside didn't go away. They just knocked harder and harder, still not saying anything. Thirteen was tempted to call out and ask who it was, but if she did that then whoever was outside would know she was in. God, how she wished she had a spy hole. Putting her ear to the door, she listened out for any kind of noise that would allow her to distinguish who was there, such as the sound of a cane tapping. There was nothing. Frustrated, she debated what to do. If she opened the door and it was House then she would never get rid of him. If it was someone else like Kutner who had no idea what had gone on, then she wasn't exactly in the mood to make conversation.

Thirteen was still considering what to do when the person finally called out.

"Remy, it's me. Please open the door."

Cuddy. Never in a million years had she thought it would be her ex-girlfriend. Without hesitation Thirteen unlocked the door and opened it. She might be hurting but she'd behaved no better, and Cuddy hadn't really done anything wrong. She was wearing her clothes from earlier, suggesting she'd come straight from work. Her eyes betrayed the fact that she'd been crying, and the one hand on her face signalled that she was extremely worried. Whenever Cuddy was worried, she always touched her face.

"Hi," Thirteen said quietly.

Cuddy walked into the apartment and Thirteen shut the door behind her. "Someone was coming in the same time as me... that's why I didn't buzz," Cuddy explained, seeming to make an attempt at small talk. "It was lucky really, seeing as you probably wouldn't have even let me into the building."

"Actually I would have," Thirteen denied Cuddy's claim. "It took me so long to answer the front door because I didn't know that it was you. I thought it was House or..." Thirteen's voice trailed off.

"Cameron?" Cuddy offered bitterly.

Thirteen knew she shouldn't rise to the bait, but she couldn't help it. "Seeing as I was on the phone to her not long ago no, I didn't think it was her."

Cuddy looked shocked at Thirteen's flared words. She took a few seconds, but then gathered herself together. Awkwardly, she replied, "So... you two are a couple now?"

Thirteen shook her head, already feeling guilty for snapping. "Of course we're not. Chase has forgiven her and they're making a go of their relationship."

"Oh," Cuddy looked at the floor.

"Did you come here for something?" Thirteen asked, blasé. "Only I'm not really in the mood for an argument right now."

Cuddy looked up, dumbstruck. "After what you did today, walking out; I have the right to yell at you. My God, I have the right to suspend you!"

"Go on then," Thirteen goaded, unable to stop herself. She didn't want to argue but Cuddy was really irritating her.

"What, suspend you? Believe me there's nothing I'd like better," Cuddy spat viciously.

"Why don't you go one step further and fire me?" Thirteen suggested with a laugh, though the situation was anything but funny. "Save me from putting the finishing touches to that," she jerked her head in the direction of the resignation letter.

"What?" Cuddy frowned in confusion. She followed Thirteen's eye line to the laptop, and walked over, sitting on the couch in order to read the screen. Comprehension dawned upon her within a few seconds, and she said incredulously, "You're leaving?"

Thirteen took a seat at the other end of the couch and shrugged her shoulders. "It's for the best."

Cuddy turned away from the laptop and focused on Thirteen. "And I don't get a say in this?"

Thirteen sighed. "Why would you?" She really didn't understand what it had to do with Cuddy whether she resigned or not. It wasn't her problem if House was going to cause hassle for Cuddy in finding another team member.

"Until you fucked it all up I was a part of your life, Remy!" Cuddy exclaimed. "And I don't think it's fair of you to run away now that things are difficult between us."

"There is no us, Cuddy. We split up... remember?" Thirteen said in a stony voice.

"Your choice," Cuddy threw back in retaliation.

"Well it obviously didn't bother you that much considering that you jumped into bed with House," Thirteen said spitefully. Why was she behaving this way? She had to stop.

Cuddy's eyes widened.

"Yeah, I heard what you said this afternoon. Why do you think I left work?" Thirteen couldn't help the jealousy that seeped out of her, and she vowed to try harder to control it.

"I knew that you heard, that's why I'm here. I just can't believe you have the gall to comment on it considering what you did with Cameron," Cuddy shot at her.

"Just because I made a mistake it doesn't mean that I can't be upset about you moving on so quickly," Thirteen was trying to be honest. "You have every right; I know that. But I can't stick around and watch you and House be together, I can't. I still love you and the best thing I can do right now is to move away from New Jersey and make a new start."

"Wait, what? You're not just quitting... you're moving?" Cuddy looked horrified. "Where are you going?"

Thirteen gave her a small smile. "Not sure yet. I was thinking California maybe. Lots of sun and completely different to New Jersey. If not there then somewhere like Las Vegas perhaps. My kind of scene... you know?"

Cuddy noticeable swallowed, and immediately looked stricken.

Thirteen didn't understand her reaction. "I thought you'd be pleased."

"Why would that please me?" Cuddy seemed at a loss as to why Thirteen would think that.

"You won't have to see me ever again," Thirteen watched Cuddy with sad eyes as she spoke. "I know that after what I've done, not just with Cameron but my behaviour after like my shouting at you tonight, that there is no way we can ever be together again."

"I..." Cuddy opened her mouth to speak but couldn't appear to get the words out.

"You don't have to say anything," Thirteen said softly. She moved closer to Cuddy, placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. "I really am sorry."

"You're running away," Cuddy shook her head. "You don't have the guts to face what's happened and it's easier for you to leave and forget about me."

Thirteen didn't hesitate to deny Cuddy's words. "That's not true. And even if I wanted to, I could never forget you."

"I'm supposed to believe that?" Cuddy stood up. "You know what; I don't care. I came here to try and resolve this but obviously that's not possible."

"Of course it's not possible," Thirteen actually agreed with Cuddy. "You don't trust me and you can't forgive me. You've moved on, you're with House, and what I want no longer matters. It's as simple as that."

Cuddy's mouth dropped open. "No Remy; it's not. Of course I don't trust you, and I haven't forgiven you... _yet_. But I definitely haven't moved on, nor am I with House. And what you want matters just as much as what I want."

Thirteen interjected, "So..."

"Let me finish," Cuddy cut her off. "What annoys me the most about this whole damn thing is the way you've behaved. It's bad enough that you cheated, but instead of telling the truth and begging for my forgiveness; what do you do? You lie and lie and lie until you realise I'm not going to just forget what I've discovered, and then when I offer to work on our relationship; you end it."

Thirteen knew she deserved Cuddy's harsh words, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to defend herself. "Yeah, you're right. Completely. But you obviously aren't that upset or you wouldn't have fucked House."

"Would you stop saying things like that? It was a mistake," Cuddy said in a calm manner, although judging by her clenched fist it was a difficult feat for her to achieve. "You want to know what happened? I was upset and decided to drink myself into a coma. I was about a bottle of wine down when House knocked on the door. He stopped me drinking and just... sat with me. We watched tv for a bit and then I kissed him. He tried to pull away but I kept going and going until he stopped resisting."

Thirteen laughed in a disbelieving manner. "So you raped him? Hate to break it to you babe but he's been dying to get into your pants since I've known him. He wanted it just as much as you did, so don't defend him. You played right into his hands... _literally_."

"Fuck you," Cuddy snapped. "I'm trying to be honest, which is more than you've done by the way, and you're ridiculing me. Why do I bother?" She stormed towards the front door, wrenched it open.

Thirteen regretted her outburst at once. "Lisa, wait I'm..." The door slammed. "Sorry."

She was gone.

**

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	23. Chapter 23

**You're all lush. I love that you like the fic. :)**

**JustHuddy... sorry that the hot makeup sex hasn't come yet. Trying to keep this real. ;) But without giving anything away, I hope everyone will be pleased with the last two parts. ;)**

**Sorry for the drunk Cuddy/House sex... but it had to be realistic. I didn't see a way of believably making her do it sober without being OOC.**

**Cdngirl, I think you make a good point about how they know how to hurt each other. In my experience when people hurt each other it's because they know each other so well they know how to do it without really trying that hard. Grangergirl22... hah! Word vomit. I love it. ;) To everyone who has reviewed so far, thank you!**

* * *

True to her word, Thirteen didn't go to back to work the next day. She actually spent the next few days in an alcoholic and drug filled haze, barely knowing what her own name was, let alone the time. She hadn't touched any kind of drug since she'd began her relationship with Cuddy, knowing that she definitely wouldn't approve. Now that they were over for good there was no need for her to abstain any longer. She spent the nights partying hard and fucking around; the days sleeping it off. Pretty much living the average student's life without the lectures and deadlines.

So that she wasn't disturbed by anyone she didn't want to be she unplugged the phone and answer phone, kept her cell phone switched off and made sure that she entered and left her apartment quickly so that she wasn't seen. As far as she was aware no one came knocking on her door, but then she was usually so out of it that even if they had, she probably wouldn't have realised. Mission Self-Destruct was well under way, and Thirteen had never felt so good. The drugs, a mixture of coke and pills depending upon what took her fancy, prevented her from feeling anything but pure elation, and she slept through most of the comedown.

Her resignation letter had been posted the morning after Cuddy had left, meaning it would definitely have arrived by now. The news of her departure would be common knowledge throughout the hospital. Thirteen wondered what House had told the rest of the team, because it sure as hell wouldn't be the truth. No one cared enough about her to try and find out what the real reason was, and so whatever story House concocted would be believed by all. Cameron would know the real reason but she was the only person other than House, and Cuddy; Thirteen wasn't even sure if Wilson knew about what had happened between House and Cuddy. She was sure he would find out eventually, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

The first time that she heard a knock on her door was whilst she was in the midst of fucking some random girl. With her raven hair and big blue eyes she reminded Thirteen of Cuddy, but her lips were too thin, her skin not quite as tanned. Thirteen didn't know whether the resemblance was a good or bad thing, and even as the girl slid two fingers inside of her, she still hadn't decided. The only option she had was to once again pull a Cuddy look-a-like and see how she felt then. Maybe she could spend the rest of her life doing that, and maybe it would be enough.

The knocking at her door continued. "You gonna get that?" The girl gasped from underneath her.

"Ignore it," Thirteen instructed, reaching over to turn up the stereo.

**

Three pm.

Thirteen promptly turned over and vomited on the pillow next to her. Thank God Cuddy look-a-like had left hours ago. Groaning, she swayed back and forth as she tried to sit up. Obviously her late nights were catching up with her. She had never thrown up from her partying before, but her system was seemingly struggling to cope with the combination of alcohol and drugs, screaming out to her that it was time for a break. As much as Thirteen wanted to obey it, the moment she did the memories would come flooding back to her. She wasn't ready to cope with them. Not yet.

Just like she wasn't ready to cope with whoever was standing outside her front door, banging it incessantly. Figuring that if she yelled at whoever it was to go away they might listen, Thirteen decided that was her best bet. They woukd know she was in but if they'd been trying to get hold of her before now, such as the night before, they may take things one step further and report it to the police. That was the last thing she needed to deal with, and so ignoring the vomit soaked pillow, she wrapped a sheet around herself and shuffled out of her bedroom and towards the front door.

"Whoever it is, fuck off!" she yelled.

"It's me!" Cameron shouted back.

"Just go," Thirteen instructed, voice a few decibels lower. "Now isn't a good time!"

"I don't give a damn, now open this door!" Cameron started banging it once more.

Not able to stand the noise, Thirteen cursed under her breath and opened it. "What the hell do you want?"

"To talk," Cameron shoved her way into the apartment, eyed the empty vodka bottles, the rolled up bank notes. "What the fuck, Remy?"

"Spare me the lecture," Thirteen mumbled under her breath as she collapsed onto the couch. "You're not even supposed to be here. Chase, remember?"

"What Chase doesn't know won't hurt him," Cameron replied smartly.

"Pretty sure that's a bad choice of words considering what's happened," Thirteen observed, fiddling with a packet of Tylenol. She dry swallowed three of them, wishing the pain in her head would stop.

Cameron ignored her. "You really think this behaviour," she disgustedly pointed to the cigarette stubs lying on the coffee table. "Is going to help you win back Cuddy?"

"Nothing to win, she's not a _prize_. And she doesn't want me anyway," Thirteen informed Cameron.

"How do you know that?" Cameron demanded.

"She practically told me so on... Monday night? Or was it Tuesday? I don't even know what the day is," Thirteen laughed.

Cameron shook her head sadly. "She still loves you."

"Umm... need I remind you of House?" Thirteen said sarcastically.

"She hasn't been near him all week," Cameron replied simply. "And it's Friday by the way."

"Friday? Cool? There's supposed to be a gig on at Platinum Lounge tonight... wonder if it'll be any good," Thirteen pondered aloud.

"You don't even know what day it is and you're going out again!" Cameron yelled angrily. "Get a grip, Remy!"

"I do know what day it is. Friday," Thirteen said facetiously.

Once again, Cameron took no notice of her. "Are you not even going to ask how I know Cuddy hasn't been near House all week?"

"Does it matter?" Thirteen replied with a question of her own.

"If you still love Cuddy it does," Cameron told her. "Which I know you do."

"So what?" Thirteen said childishly.

"We had an argument," Cameron revealed. "And by argument I mean huge fight in her office when pretty much everyone had gone home about midnight. I was surprised she didn't punch me to be honest."

"What did you fight about?" Thirteen asked, curiosity now piqued.

Cameron shook her head as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Sadly, she whispered, "You."

**

_The two women stared at each other, neither willing to be the one to look away. It was the first time since Cameron's affair with Thirteen had been revealed to Cuddy that they'd been alone in the same room together, and the tension in the air could have easily been sliced open. Cuddy looked like she might jump across the table at any moment and throttle Cameron, whereas Cameron seemed to be leaning backwards towards the door, already regretting her decision to enter the office at this time of night, when there was no reason for her to be here. _

"_Get out," Cuddy told her._

"_But I..." Cameron started._

"_Get out," Cuddy repeated, louder this time._

"_Cuddy, please..." Cameron tried to make the older woman listen to her._

"_No. I am not interested," Cuddy said firmly. She stood up from her desk, eyes still fixed on Cameron. "Get out." She instructed for the third time._

"_I just want to talk," Cameron protested. _

"_Don't care," Cuddy cut Cameron off once again._

"_It's about Thirteen," Cameron blurted out. There was no way she was going to give up so soon; now that she was here she may as well say exactly what she wanted to._

"_What about her?" Cuddy asked icily, eyes still fixed on Cameron, though they gave away none of her thoughts._

"_I'm worried about her," Cameron continued, regardless of Cuddy's tone of voice._

_Cuddy paused, momentarily distracted by Cameron's admission. "What... what do you mean?"_

"_I haven't been able to get hold of her," Cameron stated. "I just want to make sure that she's alright. She was pretty upset because she thinks that you slept with House."_

_Cuddy broke the gaze, looked down at the floor in an admission of guilt._

"_Oh my God," Cameron said, horrified. "You did sleep with him!"_

"_That is none of your business, Dr. Cameron," Cuddy snapped, quickly composing herself. "Just as Thirteen is no longer my business."_

"_So you're just throwing away everything you had together?" Cameron asked incredulously._

"_She threw it away!" Cuddy yelled, forcing Cameron to jump at the sudden raised voice. "She was the one who cheated on me with you, remember?"_

"_It was a mistake," Cameron admitted shakily. "And I'm sorry for my part in it, I really am. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm worried about her."_

"_She's resigned," Cuddy announced curtly. _

_Cameron sighed, and fluttered her eyes shut. "And... you're ok with that?"_

_Cuddy shrugged nonchalantly. _

"_You know, if you're not interested in her anymore and you want House then you should at least have the decency to tell her!" Cameron gave her opinion in an irritated manner, annoyed by Cuddy's apparent indifference for her ex-girlfriend._

"_Fuck you!" Cuddy spat. "You're the entire reason this mess began, or have you forgotten that?"_

_Cameron at least had the decency to bow her head, though she gave no reply. _

"_There is nothing going on between House and I," Cuddy informed her. She laughed wryly. "And there never will be. I am done with relationships like you wouldn't believe."_

"_I'm sorry," Cameron said quietly, not knowing what else to say._

_Cuddy looked sad. "I am never going to get over Remy," she said softly, showing her true feelings through her expression for the first time since they'd begun their conversation. "You could have had anyone you wanted. Why did it have to be her?"_

**

Thirteen gawped. "She said that?"

"Yeah. I was surprised she admitted it, especially considering it was me to whom she said it. I think she would have said even more, but then House came in. She told him to go away... and he did. I don't know if he waited outside for a bit, but he wasn't there when I left so I'm guessing not," Cameron continued her story.

"What happened then?" Thirteen had given up all pretence of disinterest by this point.

"She looked upset and I felt bad... so I tried to hug her," Cameron confessed miserably.

Thirteen couldn't help but laugh at this. "I'm sorry... you did what? Are you insane?"

"I was trying to comfort her!" Cameron exclaimed.

"You're the last person she'd want comfort from!" Thirteen replied incredulously. "You slept with her girlfriend... _me_."

"Yeah well, I know that now," Cameron said impatiently, evidently fed up of Thirteen's teasing. "Anyway, I told her she was an idiot for letting you walk away and she didn't say anything. So I left."

"She didn't say anything?" Thirteen looked hurt.

"If it makes you feel any better she looked unsure," Cameron told her. She looked at her watch. "Fuck; I'm late. Chase and I took the afternoon off so we could spend some time together, I agreed to be at his ten minutes ago," Cameron jumped up. "I just have one more thing to say. Go speak to Cuddy and don't screw it up," She ran to the front door. "Oh and have a shower before you do; you look terrible."

"Thanks," Thirteen called out as Cameron left, and stood to look into the mirror. Cameron was right; she did look awful.

Cameron's tale had been enlightening to say the least. Thirteen wasn't sure if she'd regret it, but she was going to take Cameron's advice. Slowly rising to her feet, she set to work on cleaning the apartment. Once it was vomit/alcohol/drug free, she would shower and give talking to Cuddy one last go.

What did she have to lose?

**

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	24. Chapter 24

**I have nothing to say except thank you for the reviews as always and that I think you'll like this chapter... ;)**

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For the best part of half an hour, Thirteen sat in her car. Every time she tried to pluck up the courage to leave she got as far as opening the car door before her nerves kicked in. She sighed. It seemed so pointless to do this, she was almost a hundred percent certain that if Cuddy didn't slam the door in her face she would tell her to go to hell anyway. Whenever they'd tried to talk about what happened Thirteen always allowed her defences to rise and she verbally attacked Cuddy; something that was an extremely stupid thing to do considering that this was entirely her doing. If she ever managed to leave the damn car then she would have to keep her temper in check and her negative thoughts to herself.

Unlike before when she entered into conversations with Cuddy without really thinking through what she was going to say, this time Thirteen had planned it. She was going to make sure that one way or another Cuddy knew she loved her, and that she was sorry for screwing up their relationship. She was going to apologise for lying and for constantly shouting at Cuddy and making her feel as if she was to blame. If Cuddy still didn't want to know that was her prerogative, but Thirteen was going to push and push until Cuddy gave her an answer one way or another.

After another five minutes, Thirteen took a deep breath. About to get out of the car, there was a tap on the passenger window. "Cuddy?" Thirteen's heart skipped a beat as she saw her standing there. She got out of the car, shakily closing the door and locking in.

Cuddy walked around to Thirteen who was standing on the driver's side. "I've been watching you sit there for the past twenty minutes, but I suspect you've been here longer than that. What do you want?"

"To uhhh... to talk," Thirteen stuttered nervously.

"Oh," Cuddy looked surprised. "I thought you'd come to collect your things. I've put them together in a box for you."

"That's a bit cliché; isn't it?" Thirteen attempted a joke.

Cuddy ignored her and began walking back to her house. Taking this as a sign that she was to follow, Thirteen did so, trailing behind. She didn't know how to start the conversation with Cuddy. She supposed she should be grateful that she hadn't had to beg to be let in or use the key she possessed, but somehow it was hard to feel gratitude when her things were currently gathered in a box in Cuddy's hall. It was logical that Cuddy would want to rid herself of them; she wouldn't want remembering. Thirteen on the other hand wished that Cuddy had been to her place more often so that she had her possessions, which she wouldn't have wanted to give back. The only thing Thirteen had was the key for Cuddy's house; something that she would definitely have to return if they split up.

"Here," They were now inside, and Cuddy handed over the cardboard box to Thirteen.

"Thanks," Thirteen said meekly, taking the box. "Wow... it's heavier than I thought it would be."

"There's two pairs of your knee length boots in there and a good few CD's," Cuddy explained. She walked through to the living room and once more, Thirteen followed.

Once they were sat down on the couch, Thirteen opened the lid, began rummaging through. She spotted a mix CD that she'd made for Cuddy, and she pulled it out. "I made this for you." She tried to hand it back to Cuddy.

"I don't want it," Cuddy refused quietly.

"Oh," Thirteen said, hurt. "Ok."

"What did you want to say?" Cuddy asked bravely, her facial expression betraying the fact that she was finding this difficult to deal with.

"I want us to talk without fighting," Thirteen got straight to the point.

"You've said that before. It didn't work then, and it won't work now. Let's just skip to the fight so you storm off; it is your turn this time after all," Cuddy immediately became defensive.

Unlike she had previously, Thirteen didn't rise to the bait. "The fight isn't going to come this time," she said softly.

Cuddy shook her head disbelievingly.

"Umm... I guess I'll start, unless you want to?" Thirteen left it for Cuddy to decide, but there was no answer or indication from the other woman, so she continued. "Ok well, the most important thing I came to say is that I love you."

No reaction from Cuddy.

Thirteen carried on, "And I'm really sorry. Not just for cheating on you with Cameron, but for the way I treated you after, for trying to fool you, for everything. I was a total bitch. I lied to you, and I don't blame you for hating me. But..."

"I don't hate you," Cuddy interrupted.

Thirteen blinked. "Oh," She gathered her thoughts together. "You know, Cameron said that to me once." As soon as she'd spoken she wanted to kick herself. Like Cuddy would want to know _that._

Surprisingly however, Cuddy faced Thirteen for the first time. "Why?"

"I said to her that she needed to keep her hatred for me secret so that House didn't find out, and she replied that she hated what I'd done to her, but she didn't hate me," Upon seeing the pain in Cuddy's eyes Thirteen added, "I'm sorry... _again_. You probably didn't want to know that."

"It's fine," Cuddy said quietly. "You're being honest for once. I appreciate it, no matter how much it hurts."

"You want honesty?" Thirteen hadn't planned to say what she was about to, but something inside told her it might help. "Cameron found out about you and I being together because... well I called out your name when we were having sex."

Cuddy shut her eyes, swallowed hard. For a second or two, Thirteen was scared she'd made the wrong decision and revealed too much. But then Cuddy said hesitantly, "So you thought about me when you were...?" She couldn't finish the sentence, but Thirteen knew what she was trying to ask. They'd touched upon the subject briefly when they talked about the affair, but never in detail.

"All the time," Thirteen admitted, ashamed. "That's why I couldn't understand my behaviour. And looking back, Cameron should have just been my best friend, not my lover. I didn't have any feelings for her in that way." Thirteen paused. "I didn't tell you because I was terrified you would leave me if you found out."

"So you don't know why you cheated?" Cuddy asked.

"In a weird way," Thirteen tried to find the right words to explain. "It was because I was so in love with you. I was scared and I couldn't come out and say that I loved you because I didn't know if you felt the same. Then when you did... I was so happy. That's why I could say it back, because you loved me and I finally felt like I could tell the truth... so I ended it with Cameron." She stopped talking to formulate the next few sentences in her head.

"Go on," Cuddy said quietly.

"The first time... it was just a stupid drunken mistake. It was the night I went out on my own, and I was upset about you working and not being able to spend time with me. Then the next time I promised myself it wouldn't happen again but it did. And then again and again until I stopped promising myself it wouldn't happen and started promising myself you wouldn't, _couldn't_ find out."

"Did you really think you could keep it a secret?" Cuddy shook her head. "You know the truth always comes out in the end."

"I didn't want to hurt you," Thirteen told her. Taking the chance, she placed a hand on Cuddy's, thrilled when she didn't pull away. "And I didn't want to lose you because you're the only person I've ever loved."

"You've never been in love before?" Cuddy looked doubtful.

"No. Every person I've ever been with has been _so_ wrong for me. Most of them have treated me badly and when I finally ended up with you... you were nothing like any of them. I didn't know how to deal with it." Thirteen moved closer to Cuddy. "The few times I have dated someone decent I always fucked it up deliberately before they weren't so decent anymore."

"So what... you hurt me before I hurt you?" Cuddy guessed.

"I suppose," Thirteen agreed. She sighed, prepared herself for what she was about to say. "Look, I love you more than anything, Lisa. I want to make it up to you if you'll give me another chance. That is... if you still love me?"

"Of course I still love you," Cuddy whispered.

"So... there's a chance?" Thirteen asked hopefully. When Cuddy didn't reply; she took the opportunity. Snaking an arm around Cuddy's waist, she began to kiss her, tentatively at first, allowing Cuddy to pull away if she wanted to. Except she didn't.

However, there was no response either. Thirteen brought a hand up to Cuddy's face, and gently traced her thumb over Cuddy's cheekbone, down to her neck. She could feel Cuddy's pulse rapidly beginning to increase, and so she knew this was having some sort of an effect on her. Moving towards her, Thirteen pressed her chest against Cuddy's and continued to kiss her, gently nibbling on her bottom lip.

"Stop," Cuddy said eventually, and Thirteen didn't hesitate in obeying her. "I don't want this to be the end but at the same time, I don't know how I can ever trust you again."

"What do you need me to do?" Thirteen saw an opportunity and took it.

"For a start you can withdraw your resignation. Running away isn't going to help," Cuddy instructed her.

"Fine," Thirteen agreed.

"And you have to not retaliate if House tries to wind you up," Cuddy continued.

Thirteen sighed. "Ok, but only because that's what you want. If I had my way I'd take away his Vicodin for the next year."

Cuddy smiled, giving Thirteen a little hope for the future. "And you know it goes without saying you have to stay away from Cameron."

"Ok," Thirteen nodded. "But if she talks to me..."

"Tell her she can't," Cuddy said harshly. "If you want this to work then you have to agree to that."

"Of course I want this to work, and if that's what it takes... so be it," Thirteen shrugged, saddened slightly. As bad as she felt for Cameron; Cuddy was her main priority now.

"There's something else," Cuddy stated. "I came to see you last night... it was quite late. About one?"

"That was you?" Thirteen showed surprise.

"Yeah. I uhh... well I wanted to talk to you but you didn't answer. Why?" Cuddy watched Thirteen, waiting for her answer.

Thirteen didn't even consider lying. If Cuddy found out later on then she'd never give Thirteen another chance. "I was with a girl."

"Oh," Cuddy tried to hide her upset, but didn't do a very good job.

"I was trying to forget you, so I went on a self-destruct mission for a few days. Slept around... got drunk... that sort of thing. Cameron made me see sense. She told me she spoke to you and that I should tell you how I feel," Thirteen admitted.

"That's pretty much what she told me," Cuddy raised her eyebrows in surprise. "That's why I went to yours."

"Does it bother you?" Thirteen asked, scared to hear Cuddy's answer.

"The fact that you slept with other people?" Cuddy checked.

Thirteen nodded.

"Of course it does. But we weren't together so I can't hold it against you," she said tentatively. "And considering what happened between House and I, I don't think I can judge you for that. So it bothers me, but it doesn't matter."

"Good," Thirteen was relieved. Somewhat reluctantly she asked, "Is there anything else you want to know?"

"No, I think that's it," Cuddy allowed Thirteen to hold her hand. "For now."

"Good," Thirteen grinned, not able to stop herself. She'd been given another chance! Leaning towards Cuddy again, she moved to kiss her.

"Wait," Cuddy warned, holding up her other hand. "I want us to move slowly."

"I can't kiss you?" Thirteen asked anxiously.

"I..." Cuddy looked torn.

Thirteen seized her chance. Crushing her lips against Cuddy's, she didn't give her a chance to say no. This time Cuddy responded and as she moaned, Thirteen slid her tongue into Cuddy's mouth. It was a desperate, hungry kiss that Thirteen had craved for so long. She wanted to never let Cuddy go, she wanted to be with her forever. It seemed that Cuddy felt exactly the same way as there was no longer any hesitation, just passion as she ran her fingers through Thirteen's hair, pulling her closer. Thirteen copied Cuddy's actions, taking things one step further and bringing Cuddy onto her lap so that there was closer contact, more intimacy.

Though Cuddy went along with this for a few minutes, she eventually stopped kissing Thirteen yet again, though she did remain sitting on her lap. "I can't go further... I'm sorry but I'm not ready for that now," Cuddy said openly.

"It's ok," Thirteen promised. "As long as it takes."

Cuddy smiled, her first true one since this whole mess had begun. "We can... we can do what we did on the first night, can't we? I know it's not time to sleep yet but we can just stay like this?" She leant her head on Thirteen's chest, lying across her.

"Of course we can," Thirteen wrapped her arms around Cuddy, holding her in a protective stance. "I'm just happy to have you back. I didn't... I never thought that you'd take me back."

"I didn't think I would either," Cuddy admitted. "Not in a million years."

"I'm glad you have," Thirteen said earnestly. "You're completely amazing for even contemplating giving me another chance." She clung to Cuddy. "I just... I want us to be happy."

"Me too," Cuddy whispered against Thirteen's skin.

Smiling, Thirteen felt some of the fear and worry inside her dissipate. It was going to be ok.

**

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	25. Chapter 25

**Well... this is it. The final part. I really can't thank you enough for the support I've had from you.**

**I'll only be able to answer questions to those who have accounts if you want to ask something in a review, because this is the last chapter and obviously there isn't any other way I can reply. So I'm sending out my thanks and love one last time, but in advance. ;)**

**I hope you'll be pleased with this final part! Feel free to let me know your thoughts on the ending. :)**

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**The coming weeks were some of the hardest weeks Thirteen had ever faced in her life. Although she went back to work and resumed her normal duties, things were very different. Her colleagues saw the tension between herself and House and though they had no idea why, they certainly didn't stop guessing. Thirteen did her best to ignore it and bite her tongue, but sometimes when she caught the envious way House was looking at her, she had to really try hard not to rise to the bait. If it wasn't for the fact that she was doing everything the way Cuddy wanted so that she didn't lose her again then she most likely would have punched him, but knowing that a move like that would signal the end of her relationship (not to mention career) she held back.

It was even harder when he made snide comments that could only be understood by Thirteen, such as when they'd had to deal with the case of a patient who was a serial cheater. House had taken the greatest of pleasure in winding her up with comments like, _"Once a cheat; always a cheat"_ and proceeding to smirk in her direction. He'd refrained from saying anything in front of Cuddy which meant that Thirteen couldn't really complain, because she doubted that Cuddy would have sided with her anyway. In addition to this, she didn't really want to draw attention to the past and her mistakes, because it was likely to cause nothing but upset for Cuddy, and perhaps lead her to reconsider her decision to resume their relationship.

"Remy?" Thirteen heard Cuddy arrive home and call out from the hall. She'd been waiting alone in Cuddy's house for the past half an hour, having been allowed to keep her key as long as she had permission from Cuddy to use it on each occasion. It was a far cry from what she was used to, but she entirely understood why Cuddy wanted it to be like this. "Where are you?"

"In here," Thirteen announced her presence in the living room. As Cuddy walked in she plastered a huge smile across her face. Everything she did with Cuddy was done with the utmost enthusiasm so that it looked like she was making an effort. "Did you have a good day?"

"Fine," Cuddy nodded, placing her briefcase and handbag on the floor. She took a tentative seat next to Thirteen suggesting that she wanted to say something but was nervous about it.

"What is it?" Thirteen was immediately worried that she'd done something wrong. Cuddy might have given her a second chance, but that didn't mean that she couldn't change her mind.

"Have you heard?" Cuddy returned Thirteen's question with one of her own.

"Heard what?" Thirteen was beyond confused.

Cuddy watched Thirteen carefully, seemingly gauging her reaction to see if she was telling the truth. Satisfied that Thirteen really didn't have a clue what she was talking about, she revealed, "Cameron and Chase have split up."

Thirteen put her head in her hands and breathed a sigh of relief when she realised it was nothing to do with their relationship, though Cuddy completely misread her body language. "You're glad?"

Recognising that Cuddy didn't understand what she meant, Thirteen denied, "No! No I was just glad that was all you had to say. I thought you were upset about something I'd done." Shifting closer to Cuddy, she kissed her on the cheek, pleased when she didn't flinch or pull away. The awkwardness hadn't been all Thirteen had to deal with the past few weeks; she'd had to resist close contact with Cuddy. Hugs and kisses were ok most of the time, but occasionally Cuddy would turn away, not even allowing Thirteen that much. It was to be expected; Thirteen knew it would take time before she was completely trusted again. But on the occasions when Cuddy didn't reject her she attempted to push things further.

Realising that now was the perfect chance to try and advance their relationship once again, Thirteen began kissing Cuddy's neck, focusing on her pulse point which she knew Cuddy liked. Feeling Cuddy shiver against her lips, she snaked an arm around Cuddy's waist and slipped her hand underneath Cuddy's shirt, tracing the warm skin beneath it. Though her girlfriend stiffened she didn't push Thirteen away, therefore leading Thirteen to believe that she was simply responding to her touch. Encouraged by this thought, Thirteen moved to the straddle position, trapping Cuddy between her legs. She looked down, connecting their mouths and sliding her tongue inside of Cuddy's mouth, eliciting a gasp from her.

"Stop," Cuddy protested, but she didn't prevent Thirteen from continuing to kiss her.

"You really want me to stop?" Thirteen whispered, nipping on Cuddy's neck once again.

"Yes," Cuddy sounded unsure. "No. I... _God!_" She cried out as Thirteen moved her hand upwards from her waist to one of her breasts, rolling the nipple between her thumb and finger.

"Yes or no?" Thirteen shuffled closer to Cuddy, their midriffs now pressed together. She stopped kissing Cuddy, though she didn't remove her hand from inside of her bra.

"You don't care about Chase and Cameron splitting up?" Cuddy asked shakily. "I mean... she's single now. You could..."

"No," Thirteen said firmly, wanting to drum it into Cuddy's head. "I love you. Why can't you see that? I don't give a damn about Cameron being single."

"Not at all?" Cuddy checked, searching Thirteen's eyes for reassurance.

"I feel bad that her relationship has failed, sure," Thirteen admitted. "But that doesn't mean I want to be with her any more than when she was with Chase," She paused briefly, raising her other hand to Cuddy's cheek. "I don't want what has happened to them to happen to us. I want us to survive this."

Cuddy nodded. "Me too. I just... you can't blame me for being insecure, Remy."

"I don't," Thirteen promised. "And I'll do whatever it takes to earn your trust again."

A saddened expression came across Cuddy's face. "I know you mean well but I'm not sure I'll ever be able to trust you again. I'm going to try my best, but I don't know if I can."

"That's fair enough," Thirteen forced herself to speak. Cuddy's words upset her but she was only being honest, and as much as the truth hurt it was far better than lying. She'd learnt that the hard way. Against what her body wanted, what it was screaming for her to do, Thirteen pulled her hand out of Cuddy's shirt and shuffled away from her. There was no point in trying to make Cuddy want her sooner than when she was ready. And Cuddy's statement on trust only served to show Thirteen how this relationship was no longer about what she wanted.

"What are you doing?" Cuddy asked, failing to mask the hurt in her eyes at Thirteen's rejection of her. "Are you mad?"

"Don't be silly," Thirteen shook her head, smiling. "I'm just giving you space."

"I...I don't want that sort of space," Cuddy stuttered. "At least I don't think I do. Not anymore."

Thirteen sat up, focusing her attention on Cuddy. "Then what do you want?"

Swallowing hard, Cuddy asked, almost nervously, "Can we go upstairs?"

With a genuine smile, Thirteen replied without a hint of hesitation in her voice, "Yeah. Yeah of course we can." She rose to her feet, held out a hand to help Cuddy up. "Let's go."

* * *

In some ways, it was like the first time all over again. It was gentle, soft, and more about intimacy than the pleasure. In the entire time Thirteen had been with Cuddy, she had never felt so close to her. She felt no guilt as there were no secrets between them, and so for Thirteen it was the most perfect moment of affection, _love. _This was what she had craved in as long as she could remember; someone that she felt completely safe and comfortable with. If her relationship with Cuddy could survive the betrayal she had inflicted upon it then she was sure it could survive anything.

"Tell me if you want me to stop," Thirteen whispered in between nibbling and kissing Cuddy's ear. "We can take this as slow as you want."

"I don't want you to stop," Cuddy replied hoarsely, arching herself against Thirteen. She shuffled out of her skirt, immediately moving on to free Thirteen of her trousers.

"Are you sure?" Thirteen checked, though she continued to undo the buttons of Cuddy's shirt.

"Hmm," Cuddy assured her, eyes shut and head thrown backwards as Thirteen trailed butterfly kisses along her neck. "Feels... so good to be with you again."

Thirteen smiled. "I'm not disagreeing with that," she said, her voice muffled as she pressed her mouth to various areas of Cuddy's body. She didn't focus her attention on any one part too long, having progressed from Cuddy's ear and neck to her breasts which had been freed from the shirt and bra. Discarding Cuddy's panties onto the floor below, Thirteen admired her girlfriend, her eyes roaming up and down her body.

"Stop staring and take off your own clothes," Cuddy instructed with a groan as she tugged Thirteen's underwear from her.

Thirteen smirked as she saw a little of the Cuddy she used to know appear. Unclipping her own bra, she announced. "Nothing left to take off now."

Cuddy grinned. "Good." She wrapped her legs around Thirteen, tightly pressing their bodies together. Thirteen ran her hands over Cuddy's toned torso, feeling as though she were in some kind of other world. Never again had she dreamed she would be allowed to touch Cuddy in this way, even when they decided to give their relationship another go. Blue eyes locked with green, and Thirteen leant down and gently kissed Cuddy on her mouth, feeling her girlfriend tense beneath her.

Thirteen couldn't help worrying at the sudden action. "This is ok, isn't it?" She wanted nothing more than to move things along but she had to be sure that Cuddy was ready to take things further after everything that had happened.

"Yeah," Cuddy replied, though she was slightly hesitant to do so, something that didn't go unnoticed by Thirteen.

"Sure? Because if you like we can just stay like this," Thirteen offered, stroking Cuddy's cheek. "I'm ok with it."

"No... it's...it's just," Cuddy stuttered, and sat up slightly, forcing Thirteen to shift backwards. "Is this going to be like last time?"

"Last time?" Thirteen tried to figure out what Cuddy meant.

"Don't you remember the last time we had sex?" Cuddy prompted in an apprehensive voice.

"I..." Thirteen racked her brains. It hit her. The last time they'd had sex had been when Thirteen pressured Cuddy into hurting her. "I remember. You don't have to worry, Lise. That's never going to happen again."

Cuddy still looked nervous, and Thirteen knew she hadn't said enough to convince her that she meant every word.

"I wanted you to do that because I really did feel as if I didn't deserve you," Thirteen explained openly. "It was wrong; I know that now. But there's no secrets between us anymore. We can do this however you want to. Slowly, gently..." Thirteen placed her lips to Cuddy's neck, softly trailing upwards over her chin and met Cuddy's mouth in a passionate kiss. "Or we can just... do this." She carefully manoeuvred herself so that her arms were either side of Cuddy on the bed, drawing her into Thirteen's circle of protection. "Whatever you want, Lisa."

"Slowly?" Cuddy checked, her eyes searching Thirteen's for final reassurance.

"As slow as you like," Thirteen promised.

Cuddy nodded her permission. With a smile, Thirteen caressed Cuddy's tongue with her own, smiling as Cuddy ran her fingers through her hair, encouraging her to continue. She did so, running her hands over Cuddy's breasts, stroking her nipples tenderly, careful to adhere to Cuddy's wishes of not being too rough. Cuddy's moan of pleasure told her that she was doing something right, and so she took another small step forward and brought a nipple into her mouth, swirling her tongue in a clockwise direction. With her free hand she lowered it to the inside of Cuddy's thigh, penetrating the wetness and thrusting in and out of her, her thumb skimming over her clit.

Thirteen moulded her body into Cuddy's, mouth pressed against her shoulder, face buried into Cuddy's neck. Intense feelings of love and lust pounded through her body as Cuddy's gasps told her how close she was, and so she lifted her head to watch the expression on Cuddy's face. Her lips were parted, eyes shut as her chest rose and fell, faster and faster the closer she was to her climax. Grinding her hips against Cuddy's, Thirteen increased the pressure of her hand, her thumb moving quicker as Cuddy was pushed over the edge, calling out as she came. _"Remy..."_ she moaned, her hands reaching around Thirteen's head to smash their lips together in a searing kiss.

Thirteen lifted her hand to her mouth, sucked her fingers clean whilst Cuddy watched, trying to get her breath back. She smiled cheekily at her girlfriend, reassured that everything was ok when the smile was returned. "Are you alright?"

"Mmm," Cuddy groaned between struggled breaths. "I... I..." She stopped speaking, seemingly attempting to formulate the right words.

"Sure you're ok?" Thirteen asked again.

"Yeah. Just... really good," Cuddy revealed, eyes shut.

Thirteen laughed. "Glad to hear it." She brushed Cuddy's hair back off her face and waited for her to compose herself.

Moments later, Cuddy opened her eyes again. "I love you."

"Love you more," Thirteen grinned.

Cuddy drew Thirteen in for a kiss and flipped her onto her back, so that now she was the one underneath. Thirteen began breathing heavily as Cuddy moved downwards and curled her tongue around Thirteen's clit, fingernails digging into her thighs as she spread Thirteen's legs open. She alternated between sucking, licking and nipping Thirteen, knowing exactly the right spot to hit to make her gasp aloud. The sensation was exactly how Thirteen had remembered; one that she had desperately missed the past few weeks. Gazing down, she watched as her girlfriend worked on her and the pulsing quickened. Knowing she was close, Thirteen was unable to resist grabbing Cuddy's head and pushing her closer, allowing her to reach her release, head thrown back as blinding lights clouded her vision.

Seconds later and Cuddy was silently snuggled into her; the only sounds penetrating the quiet being their beating hearts, in unison together. There were no more words needed, no awkwardness, no lies. It was the closest to happy that Thirteen had ever been, and that was enough. Things weren't ideal and they never would be, but then real life wasn't a Hollywood movie, was it? Real life was surviving the bad times and mistakes that you made, your relationship stronger as a result. Thirteen had no lies left to tell, not anymore. She only had love to give, and there was no doubt in her mind that this was all she'd been waiting for. All she ever wanted.

_Lisa._

Perfect.

**

* * *

**

END

* * *


End file.
